Friday, May 13, 2011

Durg induce mania

The sky is moody today. I'm in withdrawals, sick as a dog I am. Although my mood is elevated. I feel like I'm in a manic episode. This morning I played Radiohead KidA really loud. Bothering the other tenets in the building. I've never had a sick manic episode. I keep repeating words over and over, along with sentence fragments. Not able to get all of the sentence out. I'm moody just like the sky. I'm sick, but not so sick that I'm on the phone with every possible source of Heroin or Dilauded. I'm not Dr. shopping. In whole I'm not doing what I usually do when I'm sick.

I have all these weird thoughts flying at me. Like I wonder how fish gills work? Did fish always have gills? Whats the difference between fish and paint thinner? They both smell bad. Was I born with a sixth toe and my parents just didn't tell me? Would Radiohead not wear underwear on the road? This is all coming at me at once. Then I feel the need to move. Not just legs jerking like usual when I'm sick, but wanting to dance, and scream. My dog thinks I'm going insane. Maybe I am. Maybe this is a drug induced mania. I'm thinking it probably is. I've been without any opiates for two days now. Tomorrow I get more, but why when I feel this good mentally?

I'm sorry Gledwood for not commenting on your blog, and I see you didn't blog yesterday either. I was in no mood to do anything yesterday. In fact I took a razor blade to my wrists, but I woke up this morning with blood all over my silk sheets, and I was still alive. Maybe I'm just glad to be alive, and that's why I feel so good while sick. I don't want to just sit in bed all day with sickness, I want to be productive. Its like my body is wanting to do one thing, and my mind is wanting to do another. I'm going to do the laundry. Fuck YES! That's what I'm going to do. Fuck drugs. They suck. Keeping me nullified. What a fucking bunch of shit. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. I think I'm going to go hide in a closet with no light and just let my mind keep me entertained for the rest of the day...after I do laundry.


Gledwood said...

Every time I tried to post fucking blogger was down.

In the end I just tapped the shit into Word.

I think my mood is cycling. Felt FUCKING SHIT most of the day. Nearly cried in the chemists. Now UP UP again. Had a wonderful night the night before last listening to music all night with my head going psychedelic ~ woo! I just hope it fucking stays this way this time.

I'm not really manic, it's just mood swings. If I say I'm manic it's just fucking Shithead's Law that I'll crash down again so I should say I'M REALLY MISERABLE.

I used to get hyped up when I was sick. The Subutex switchover was made really funky by an Elevated Mood. Music sounded fucking amazing. It was during the time The Black Eyed Peas Where Is The Love was at number one over here. That tune has been going round and round and round my head...

Didn't Blogger break down on you too??? They kept giving times in PST of when it could come back again I had to keep adding 8 hours...

Gotta go. More shit to post my end.

the guy in the silk taffeta dress said...

Damn Anna,
I'm glad you woke up and are okay.
As tough as it is, life just happens once..and you know what I'm saying.
Hang in thre Anna, Mamma said there'd be days like this.

Gledwood said...

Anna it's Sunday already. You haven't posted anything, so you must be feeling shit?... yes??

If you can't post anything up please leave me a message. Or an email.

I put up a question at mine to everyone: do you ever hear voices in your head (or outside your head). Please answer it if you're in the mood.

I HOPE YOU ARE OK... did you get any methadone? Did you cluck it out? Did your mood cycle from up to down? What's happened? RSVP :-)