Tuesday, June 28, 2011

So here is what really happened.

About two months ago, I started using Heroin really heavily. I began again in Arizona. I met a young taxi driver who I asked if he could get me heroin. Four hours later I was shooting up again. Man did it feel good. I left Arizona, and started taking my dad's Percocets. I missed cooking up a shot, and putting it into my veins. So I found a dealer here in WI.

Me and my best friend were going out to the bars every weekend. She wanted to break up with her boyfriend Jose. She kicked him out, and he had no place to go. So when my dad left for Arizona I let him stay here. We didn't stay in the same room. He had a connection for H. It was expensive but convenient. 50 dollars for a quarter. I shoot up a quarter at a time. Its decent H. After a while Jose and I started "going out". All we ever really did was get high together. I really started to like him. He was still in love with my best friend. I comforted him when he would cry because he missed his family.

He would tell me that he liked me and then would cry because my friend was seeing someone else. I was getting mixed signals. We slept together every night and he would cuddle me. It was nice to have a man's arms around me again.

After my dad got back from Arizona I started using more than ever before. My book was out, and I was ready to kill myself. So I started to get careless about how much I used. Four times I ended up in a cold shower after ODing. During this time I called the Methadone clinic and tried to get back in, but they wouldn't let me unless I went into a 30 day inpatient treatment program. So I planned on getting myself into Brown County Mental hospital where I detoxed for 7 days. After that I was let out to go to the Jackie Nitchke center. A rehab program.

Wait I'm leaving out a big part. About two weeks ago Jose robbed a little Mexican store with a bee bee gun. I had no idea he was going to do this. So that day, when my dad called and said I had a check for 75 bucks waiting for me at home, I was all over that. I needed money to get my fix. So I took the car of the people I was staying with. I had to move out of my parents house because I had stole some checks from them, and I was using. They didn't want me in their house. My friend (Jose's ex) told the police she thought Jose was living at my parents house. So when I came to get my 75 dollar check I open the door, and a cop takes me by the wrist, and sits me down in a chair, and starts asking me questions about a robbery. I had no idea this had taken place, and all I could tell them is that I woke up around noon, Jose got home around one pm, and what he was wearing. I also told them about the gun I seen. As soon as I got up that day, I was calling my dealer but he wasn't answering. He was out of state reing up. So I'm sick as a dog, and no one is holding.

When the cops got to me, I was so sick, I had to get up and vomit three times. I had many track marks on my arms and hands. I had been sharing needles, and ended up with cellulites in my hands and feet. An infection from using dirty needles. We all had Hep C, so we figured fuck it, I would be glad to get HIV so I knew how I'd die. Turns out I don't have HIV, I guess god doesn't want me to get HIV. Still I have to get tested again  a few months as HIV doesn't show up right away.

Jose went to jail, and I had a mental break down. Meghan (my friend) had told the police that Jose was living at my parents. I didn't tell on him, because I didn't know what went on. As soon as the police left I went to the crisis center and got myself put into detox. After seven days I was sent to rehab, where I only made it twenty four hours. I came home, and now my parents don't trust me. So I don't have access to the car, I can't leave unsupervised. I feel like I'm fourteen.

Sorry this is all over the place, but writing about it is hard for me. I really had feelings for Jose, and now he's going to prison for a long time. He thinks I told on him, but I didn't. My friend or I should say ex friend Meghan is trying to say I was with who ever Jose was with when he robbed the store. She keeps saying that I'm going to end up in a jail cell. Who knows maybe I will. Although I am innocent. Jose protected me from this, by not telling me what he did. Non of this is Jose's fault. I fucked over my best friend, taking the side of her ex boyfriend. I take all the blame.

Since I went through detox I haven't touched a single drug. I feel this is the perfect time to get clean. Gledwood was right, I was on Methadone longer than I had been on H. It seems every time I get strung out I end up getting caught with in two months, and am fucked.

IF you don't believe that I'm an opiate addict look up my record. When I killed myself off on the blog you guys went to great lenghts to find out if I was really dead. Looking me up on facebook. I had like 30 friend request. I denied most of them. Gledwood was the only person I really wanted as a friend on FB. Looking at the obits online for Green Bay WI. IF I did really die it would be in the Oconto Falls Times Herald, I'll be buried there.

OH yeah, the Methadone clinic would only take me back if I completed a 30 day detox, and since I was only there for one day and jumped the fence I can't go back. The clinic says I need more help than they can give me. I can't go to the one in Appelton, which is 30 mins from Green Bay because Meghan goes there, and she would do anything to get me in trouble. She hates me now. Everyone hates me now. Not saying I don't deserve it. I do. 

So there it is. The truth. A jumbled truth. My book is written like an illiterate. They call it Midwest prose, but in reality its just a bad writer, writing a book. Has anyone on here bought the book? I know most of you said you wouldn't buy the book. After so many mean comments I stopped reading them. Sorry. My fragile mind can't take all the negative remarks.

When I'm feeling more like writing I will. Right now I can't even remember what I just wrote. I know I reiterated myself too much.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Sorry

I'm sorry. I've pissed off a lot of people, worried people, and hurt people. This was not a ploy to sell books, it was a way to end my blog. I was going to start a new one. Then I realized that I will miss my online journal. I'm sorry I said fuck off to everyone. I don't mean it. I am just trying to keep the comments from hurting my feelings. I do deserve your cutting words. SB, I'm so sorry to hear you have given up on me. I understand. I should have thought of you.

I did generate a lot of interest. I'm sure I'll lose readers over this, but it is my journal after all, and I can do whatever I want.
You fuckers, I am alive. Jesus christ my mom has nothing to do with this. I was going to end my blog. I've had a hard time lately. That homeless guy I had staying with me ended up sticking up a store and getting caught. I was on a binge using so much trying to off myself, but always ending up in a cold shower. I'm clean now. I was in rehab for a day. I quit, and I was in brown county mental ward detoxing. Now my parents won't let me go anywhere by myself. My life sucks. I shake all day, dream about heroin every night. Knowing I can't use is killing me. I am going to take a gun to my head. When I am dead no one is going to belive me. My  book is out, I sold about 300 copies. Most to a book store here in Green Bay.

Sorry to Gledwood. Everyone else, fuck off.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Anna Grace Young 2/2/1983 to 6/16/2011

Anna Young killed herself June 16th. She put a pistol against her head and painted the wall with her brains and blood.(her words) I'm her friend who she left in her suicide note to tell what happened to her on her blog. She wanted to make sure everyone knew that she knew her book sucks. Still everyone should buy a copy, because I think its a good book. It will be out on ebook within the next month.

Anna wanted me to say Good Bye to everyone who reads this blog. She's sorry she couldn't keep it up. She wants me to delete the blog two weeks after posting this. OH yes, and a special sorry to Gledwood her "cyber husband".

I don't know what Anna would have said here, but I'm going to say Anna was a troubled girl, who made me laugh, cry, scream, and many other things. She was loved by her family very much, and she was very selfish to hurt her family and freinds this way.

Anna Grace Young
2/2/1983 to 6/16/2011

If you don't want this blog to be deleted voice your opinion.

As most of you know by now this is a hoax. I, Anna Young am still alive.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

That guy, the latino is not my boyfriend. He's just a friend who I think is hot. I'm pretty sure he's using me for money and a place to stay.

Although its true the H is 50 bucks a bag in this town, but its good.

Haveing sex with a Latino

I'm with my latin boy toy. We haven't had sex yet, but I did go down on him for a few minutes I don't know if he is attracted to me. He calls me baby and sweetie in Spanish, we hold hands and cuddle, we sleep in the same bed. We only kissed one day for a little while, that was the day I went down on him.

The really fucked up thing is, he's the father of my best friend's daughter. She said she didn't mind, but she hasn't spoken to me in over a week. When I brought Jose to his Methadone clinic and she was there she didn't even look at me. Speaking of the Methadone I tried to get back in, but they won't let me come back unless I complete 30 days inpatient rehab. What the fuck good is that going to do for me? I've been through it 3 times already. I have the damn AA handbook memorized. There is no way I'm going inpatient again. So I'm shit out of luck. Perhaps a suboxone Dr. Will take me on!

I'm fed up with using. The only good shit in green bay is expensive, 50 dollars a bag. Even when I go to Chicago the H there isn't as good as this 50 dollar bags here in Green bay. Its cheaper in chy town, and I know that is where my dealer gets his, but he, of course would never tell me who his source is, so I can go straight to the source and save some money. You know how dealers are, you can't ask them anything except maybe the price of the bag.

I got to go I'm watching Jose fix his car.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Wating on my man got 50 dollars in my hand

I've been on a binge. Using everyday. Today I had to wait until 4 pm to get a bag of dope. My dealer wasn't answering his fucking phone all morning. I've been hitting the heroin hard for almost two weeks now. I'm only getting mildly sick when I run out. I can still go 24 hours before I need another shot.  I'm going to try to go back to the Methadone clinic if they will take me back. I can't aford all the money its costing me to keep up this habit, and all the worrying about when will my dealer will answer his phone.

I'm starting up a close freindship with Jose, a Latino guy who intorduced me to my dealer. Jose is on Methadone, but not at the clinic here in Green Bay. He was kick out of there for some reason. He won't tell me why. So he drives or gets a ride to Appleton everyday to get his methadone dose. His Ex girlfriend, my best freind are broken up, but she still gives him a ride to the clinic in Appelton everyday. Jose, and my best friend will forever be tied together by thier daughter. Jose is still really borken up about the break up. Everytime my freind picks him up to bring him to dose he starts crying.
 Appelton is about 25 minutes away. I've tried to get into the clinic in Appelton, but they won't have, because they say there is no reason why I can't go to the clinic in Green Bay. If the Green Bay clinic won't let me back in, Appleton's clinic still won't take me. They say, "Green Bay must have a good reason not to take you back, so we are not going to take you on".

I haven't been keeping up on my favorite blogs. Sorry Gledwood. You know I love you cyber hubby.

I can't write anymore because I'm nodding out.