Tuesday, June 28, 2011

So here is what really happened.

About two months ago, I started using Heroin really heavily. I began again in Arizona. I met a young taxi driver who I asked if he could get me heroin. Four hours later I was shooting up again. Man did it feel good. I left Arizona, and started taking my dad's Percocets. I missed cooking up a shot, and putting it into my veins. So I found a dealer here in WI.

Me and my best friend were going out to the bars every weekend. She wanted to break up with her boyfriend Jose. She kicked him out, and he had no place to go. So when my dad left for Arizona I let him stay here. We didn't stay in the same room. He had a connection for H. It was expensive but convenient. 50 dollars for a quarter. I shoot up a quarter at a time. Its decent H. After a while Jose and I started "going out". All we ever really did was get high together. I really started to like him. He was still in love with my best friend. I comforted him when he would cry because he missed his family.

He would tell me that he liked me and then would cry because my friend was seeing someone else. I was getting mixed signals. We slept together every night and he would cuddle me. It was nice to have a man's arms around me again.

After my dad got back from Arizona I started using more than ever before. My book was out, and I was ready to kill myself. So I started to get careless about how much I used. Four times I ended up in a cold shower after ODing. During this time I called the Methadone clinic and tried to get back in, but they wouldn't let me unless I went into a 30 day inpatient treatment program. So I planned on getting myself into Brown County Mental hospital where I detoxed for 7 days. After that I was let out to go to the Jackie Nitchke center. A rehab program.

Wait I'm leaving out a big part. About two weeks ago Jose robbed a little Mexican store with a bee bee gun. I had no idea he was going to do this. So that day, when my dad called and said I had a check for 75 bucks waiting for me at home, I was all over that. I needed money to get my fix. So I took the car of the people I was staying with. I had to move out of my parents house because I had stole some checks from them, and I was using. They didn't want me in their house. My friend (Jose's ex) told the police she thought Jose was living at my parents house. So when I came to get my 75 dollar check I open the door, and a cop takes me by the wrist, and sits me down in a chair, and starts asking me questions about a robbery. I had no idea this had taken place, and all I could tell them is that I woke up around noon, Jose got home around one pm, and what he was wearing. I also told them about the gun I seen. As soon as I got up that day, I was calling my dealer but he wasn't answering. He was out of state reing up. So I'm sick as a dog, and no one is holding.

When the cops got to me, I was so sick, I had to get up and vomit three times. I had many track marks on my arms and hands. I had been sharing needles, and ended up with cellulites in my hands and feet. An infection from using dirty needles. We all had Hep C, so we figured fuck it, I would be glad to get HIV so I knew how I'd die. Turns out I don't have HIV, I guess god doesn't want me to get HIV. Still I have to get tested again  a few months as HIV doesn't show up right away.

Jose went to jail, and I had a mental break down. Meghan (my friend) had told the police that Jose was living at my parents. I didn't tell on him, because I didn't know what went on. As soon as the police left I went to the crisis center and got myself put into detox. After seven days I was sent to rehab, where I only made it twenty four hours. I came home, and now my parents don't trust me. So I don't have access to the car, I can't leave unsupervised. I feel like I'm fourteen.

Sorry this is all over the place, but writing about it is hard for me. I really had feelings for Jose, and now he's going to prison for a long time. He thinks I told on him, but I didn't. My friend or I should say ex friend Meghan is trying to say I was with who ever Jose was with when he robbed the store. She keeps saying that I'm going to end up in a jail cell. Who knows maybe I will. Although I am innocent. Jose protected me from this, by not telling me what he did. Non of this is Jose's fault. I fucked over my best friend, taking the side of her ex boyfriend. I take all the blame.

Since I went through detox I haven't touched a single drug. I feel this is the perfect time to get clean. Gledwood was right, I was on Methadone longer than I had been on H. It seems every time I get strung out I end up getting caught with in two months, and am fucked.

IF you don't believe that I'm an opiate addict look up my record. When I killed myself off on the blog you guys went to great lenghts to find out if I was really dead. Looking me up on facebook. I had like 30 friend request. I denied most of them. Gledwood was the only person I really wanted as a friend on FB. Looking at the obits online for Green Bay WI. IF I did really die it would be in the Oconto Falls Times Herald, I'll be buried there.

OH yeah, the Methadone clinic would only take me back if I completed a 30 day detox, and since I was only there for one day and jumped the fence I can't go back. The clinic says I need more help than they can give me. I can't go to the one in Appelton, which is 30 mins from Green Bay because Meghan goes there, and she would do anything to get me in trouble. She hates me now. Everyone hates me now. Not saying I don't deserve it. I do. 

So there it is. The truth. A jumbled truth. My book is written like an illiterate. They call it Midwest prose, but in reality its just a bad writer, writing a book. Has anyone on here bought the book? I know most of you said you wouldn't buy the book. After so many mean comments I stopped reading them. Sorry. My fragile mind can't take all the negative remarks.

When I'm feeling more like writing I will. Right now I can't even remember what I just wrote. I know I reiterated myself too much.


"AA" said...

Your book is on my Wishlist, actually. Granted, I'm a fairly new reader, but I find what you've written quite interesting - and, you are right, it IS your journal, so you CAN write whatever in the hell you want! :-)

elizabeth said...

As I said before...I read it, it is a fast read and it kept my interest. I am not an addict but work with them and so understood it well. Not a literary masterpiece, but perhaps this is your way of trying to "purge" your feelings and get your act together. I hope so.

John said...

I'm going to start calling you Jesus, as you rise from the dead.

That is much more interesting blogging material than some made up shit. It's an interesting story - more details would be good.

Jose's not a handsome guy, is he... Or that bright, clearly.

Why did you mention the gun though? Surely it would have been better to deny knowledge, answer only what they could already prove, and then go "no comment" the rest of the day...

Gledwood said...

vIf Jose was her EX what's the big problem? Either they are or are not going out and if not surely he's fair game.

Here you cannot choose what clinic you go to. It's allocated by postcode. So what if M goes there. What could she do? They're used to dealing with lying junkies in places like that. Anything she said would get taken with a massive pinch of salt. You have just as much right to go there as she does.

It must be a lot cheaper running a car in the United States than here. Here the parking fees are so high it's just impossible for most people to afford. Petrol is really expensive. Can't you just go by bus? I heard it's meant to be really common to ride the bus in America. Here probably the super-rich are the only people who don't use public transport. I mean London, not Britain. Must cities in Britain have shit transport compared to London.

Well I'm trying to go heroin free again. Bloody hell it's not like I don't get scripted enough methadone. All I want to do with that is cut cut cut it down. I don't believe this crap about x dose feeling different to y dose. Whatever dose you're on becomes normal to you after a time. Street addicts take differing amounts of heroin every day. No two bags weigh precisely the same. Heroin is unevenly cut. So addicts are used to taking fluctuating amounts I really don't see that reducing should be such a problem.

So are you still opiate clean??? Try and stay that way. If you can. I will.

Anonymous said...


bugerlugs63 said...

john, why even question her version of events . . its obviously to fit in with what she told the cops, as they wll check the blog. I know they thick (even thicker in US but not THAT thick) I said I would put money on being right . . and I still do and will. She was in that car . . and I think the gun was from her dads. She was staying at his and told the police re;first robbery. I said I dint expect anyone to trust my sixth sense . . .thats cool.
I would just forget trying to make any sense out of that story, cus you gotta stick with what you've said and it will get questioned because its not the truth.like I said its very difficult to lie . . .especially now people got access to the papers.
yourex friend will obviously want to see you go down WITH jose (not on) as it isn't fair on him . . .but I suspect with your dads help you might get off. . . I think you relly gotta learn you are ALWAYS gonna reap what you sow. You don't have to sow shit (even as a junkie) but if u do . . its simple you will reap it too. I aint being horrible. Start again . .call it fiction, call it what u want . .but unless its the truth dont call it so.
the Truth is the truth. there are not two versions of it.
take care

bugerlugs63 said...

ps. and there is not a "jumbled " truth either ;-)
you cant make a truth out of that story, cus its obviously still on-going and u gotta stick with your version of events. . . for now.
I do actually feel for you . .but if you are being kept at your parents and watched every minute . .then its not really your choice to go clean . .in which case it probably wont work.
I do beleive you use gear . .and I dont think ther's ote wrong with that . .but you're 26? you need to get out of their house really and use in your own place on your own terms, maybe share a place with another user? I dont know. I can see how you got in this mess . .honestly I can. Also I can see how bak at your parents with the cops there you might have said a bit more than neccesary . . they can be very persuasive, (the promise of freedom can also be a good tongue loosener) It does sound a bit of a mess. But your dad has prob paid bail and promised to keep you there and trying to get u cleared. so its not gonna be easy is it. I dont know what i would do (not that you're asking me) but I would carry on blogging, cus I dont think you have lost any readers (you prob gained some) and people will forget, forgive and support you through this. I know I go on too long, I do it at GW but I'm not malicious or hateful . .promise

Adrianna said...

I no understand all the story.
You can make more simple?
For what you wan died?For a man?
That is not good anser.
Life is not for man or woman is for just survive and for feel peace.
You please make your problems more clear.Read this is to hart for me.
I think before you wan only seel books, ma if you teel better then I no.
I no think you can be freinds to Glenwood. He to have many problem.You to agresive to him.

Valerie said...

Oh Adrianna my Dear!

Finally - a woman after my own heart!
Yes: that Gledwood is deranged.

Anna! Stay well away. I'm not surprised you said you were dead. I'd wish I was dead too if I had that bastard emailing me 24-7.

If you wanna get more involved in the death-defying world of armed robbery, I know a pair of bank vault robbers from Arizona you could set you up with a decent job. Me, I stick with the narcotics manufacture and importation. Far easier to deal with. I test every batch myself.

Hey your Mr Kim's (heroin chemist supremo)'s eyes must be seriously failing up there in those mine-infested Burmese highlands. He fucked up 4 whole kilos before anyone realized he'd added the wrong chemicals to the mix. Now the gear goes like porridge in the works. Nasty stuff. It smells like cats' diarrhoea too.

I'm calling it Gledwood Brand and selling it direct to London where they take any old crap.

Well I've got to go. Brucey needs a lift to the hospital. His arse bruises are getting checked out by the specialist after I crashed that truck into his lawnmower last week. Oh and our dog has died. We had the Gledwood Brand gear lying on the floor. Poor thing sniffed the baggie a little too hard and BANG! - out cold on the floor. Poor thing.

Now you take care of yourself my dear and get writing Volume 2 of this life story. More stuff about bipolar and being stalked by blind teddybears this time, please!

Lots of love

Your true best friend



BMelonsLemonade said...

Anna, I thought this post was well written, and not jumbled, truth or not. Why is that even the point here, you are, after all, a writer. I looked at the link anon left about the robbery, and honestly, I think you should keep studying journalism. That particular story was not very well written, and if all the journalists in Green bay write like that one...honestly, Anna, with the right education in journalism, you could write a much better story than the one anon posted from your local news source. Get the journalism degree...it can provide a viable career as a writer. Get your shit together, Anna...stop fucking around and get your god damned education! And write for a living...write news, write fiction, write whatever...who gives a fuck if you are getting paid to do it, right????

the guy in the silk taffeta dress said...

That is a little mess you got entangled with.But, since you weren't involved you should not be considered an accomplice.
My thoughts are with you during this troubled time.
I didn't get to read your book yet, but I have read excerpts of it and I know it's fascinating.
Take care,

Adrianna said...

You very busy woman.You have time make trouble with law and time for write books.You in jail now to?