Today its cloudy and rainy just the way I like it. I've made plans for my futer so I'm not going to kill myself. I'm actually getting a job. Saving money to move out to Olympia Washington. I've wanted to be out on my own for awhile, and a bus ticket is only 140 dollars, its a two day trip. When I get out there I'm going to be a nanny. Oh please don't let any of my futer employers read this blog. I'm actually good with kids. I plan on staying clean. I haven't used today...yet. If so and so calls and offers me some I'll have a hard time saying no. I really can't use because my physc doctor won't see me anymore if I keep using. I see him on the 29th and if I use today I'll be dirty when he UA's me.
I know my plan sounds like a pipe dream. Like I'll ever be stable enough to leave the comfort of my parents lap. They practically chew my meat for me, and pass it back and forth. I'm so unstable right now, I feel like I'm invincable. I can take so much medication and even the doctor said I have a high tolerance and that's why I woke up. Abuseing medications isn't a good idea when you want to kill yourself. Right now I'm so clean I'm not even on Clonazapam, or Ambien, just my physc meds. If I go off those I have to go back to the nut house for 90 days. My mom has to monitor my medication, and she's actually taking it seriously this time. I still have to monitor my self medication with H.
Since I've lied on here, I know you have a hard time beliveing me. This is all the gods honest truth.