I've been a bad girl. I used again today. Its like H is calling out to me.I called the Methadone clinic today, and told them I attempted treatment and my ex councler said she would talk to the Doctor to see if I can get back in. Thing is, I lied about how long I was in rehab, and I lied and said I got kicked out of rehab 18 days in. In reality I walked out not even 24 hours of being there. So if they ask for proof that I was in JNC rehab for 18 days and wasn't kicked out I'm fucked. Probably fucked for life and won't be let back in ever again.
I can't go to the one in Appleton WI because my ex friend she would make up shit about me doing every thing wrong just to get me in trouble. She's like that.
The one thing I'm afraid of going back on "done" is that I'll gain the weight back. I'm down to about 165lbs. I crave sweets so much on it. Plus my parents don't want me to go back on it mainly because last time I was at too high of a dose, and was nodding out all the time. Although last time I was there they didn't up your dose so fast, and they did a peak and troft to make sure the Methadone was at a stable level, not getting you so loaded you couldn't even drive for fear of nodding out. The first time I was there they didn't do any of this, and I was at a dose of 190mgs, and I was loaded every day for a few months, until my tolerance went up. Of course the Methadone isn't as good as H, but what is? ( my opinion)
In other news, Gledwood chopped his hair, and died it blond, bleach blond. He also got a new pair of specks. I know he wants his privacy, and doesn't want to post any photos, but I sure wish I could I see this new Gledwood. He also said in one of his post that he was meek like a mouse. I would have never figured him as meek, from his blog. He's so open on his blog. Perhaps not as open as me, but that's a good thing. I'm in deep shit with my readers for lieing about my suicide.
I wish I could tell you more, but certain people are reading and hindering my open ness. Is that one word or two words? This is why I want to start a new blog. It would take time to get readers, get good stats, make up a good name.
There is so much going on in my life right now, and I can't ever write about it. Knowing my aunti will call my parents and tell them that I'm using, and that I'm haning out in a shooting galary all day. I have to ride my bike there everyday. My parents don't let me use the car after the whole Jose thing.
Oh yes, I've been watching True Blood, and Big Brother. Sunday nights are the best night on TV.