Wednesday, July 13, 2011

I want to be spanked hard by my daddy

I've been a bad girl. I used again today. Its like H is calling out to me.I called the Methadone clinic today, and told them I attempted treatment and my ex councler said she would talk to the Doctor to see if I can get back in. Thing is,  I lied about how long I was in rehab, and I lied and said I got kicked out of rehab 18 days in. In reality I walked out not even 24 hours of being there. So if they ask for proof that I was in JNC rehab for 18 days and wasn't kicked out I'm fucked. Probably fucked for life and won't be let back in ever again.

I can't go to the one in Appleton WI because my ex friend she would make up shit about me doing every thing wrong just to get me in trouble. She's like that.

The one thing I'm afraid of going back on "done" is that I'll gain the weight back. I'm down to about 165lbs. I crave sweets so much on it. Plus my parents don't want me to go back on it mainly because last time I was at too high of a dose, and was nodding out all the time. Although last time I was there they didn't up your dose so fast, and they did a peak and troft to make sure the Methadone was at a stable level, not getting you so loaded you couldn't even drive for fear of nodding out. The first time I was there they didn't do any of this, and I was at a dose of 190mgs, and I was loaded every day for a few months, until my tolerance went up. Of course the Methadone isn't as good as H, but what is? ( my opinion)
In other news, Gledwood chopped his hair, and died it blond, bleach blond. He also got a new pair of specks. I know he wants his privacy, and doesn't want to post any photos, but I sure wish I could I see this new Gledwood. He also said in one of his post that he was meek like a mouse. I would have never figured him as meek, from his blog. He's so open on his blog. Perhaps not as open as me, but that's a good thing. I'm in deep shit with my readers for lieing about my suicide.

I wish I could tell you more, but certain people are reading and hindering my open ness. Is that one word or two words? This is why I want to start a new blog. It would take time to get readers, get good stats, make up a good name.

There is so much going on in my life right now, and I can't ever write about it. Knowing my aunti will call my parents and tell them that I'm using, and that I'm haning out in a shooting galary all day. I have to ride my bike there everyday. My parents don't let me use the car after the whole Jose thing.
Oh yes, I've been watching True Blood, and Big Brother. Sunday nights are the best night on TV.


Bev said...

Is this your book?

1 new from $11.00
I Hate Myself and Want to Die
Kindle Reading App.
I Hate Myself and Want to Die [Perfect Paperback]
(Edited by) Miri Baker (Author)

I bought it and there's only one copy left.

Adrianna said...

You like e make money. I know that.Is a lotta money you make write you books.

Anonymous said...

Bev, that's not Anna's book. I've seen at least three books with that title.
Anna, Anna, Anna, why are you so stuck on the idea that methadone is the answer to you're problems? You were fat and miserable on methadone, what makes you think this time will be any different??? The saying is "if nothing changes, NOTHING CHANGES," why don't you try something you've never tried before? Even Suboxone seems preferable to methadone... I guess it depends on what you want your life to be like. Have you really asked yourself that? Not what you think you can manage, but seriously, with no limitations, what is it you want out of life? It would be great if you really thought about it and wrote a post- a long, detailed description of your best fantasy life.

Anyway, congrats on the royalty check. Have you made enough to cover what you spent to get the book published?

the guy in the silk taffeta dress said...

I'm so proud of you and the sales of your book is very impressive in such a short time.
Wonderful news !

Anonymous said...

Do the lies ever stop?! (Stupid question I know...)

According to what Anna previously stated was her royalty rate, she only sold 420 books or so in order to make her $1200something check. Certainly not 3,000...which was hard enough to believe just tracking the sales on

Lies, lies and more lies.

bugerlugs63 said...

of course the lies don't stop . .she also went from 140lbs to 155lbs in three days!thats a stone!! Jose went from clean on suboxone, to clean on meth, to H addict, to coke addict . . in ? days etc etc etc (yawn yawn)
Not got a camera? . .got a webcam though, to show us your new self. I can't believe people just go straight back to swallowing it all . . .but there's note so strange as folk :-)

Gledwood said...

Fucking hell how do you manage to nod out on methadone? I got something of a gauwch for 3 days in a row when it was first supervised (so I had to drink it all in one rather than spacing it like a normal person would choose to)... now I feel nothing at all. Just depressed. Was accused of being manic last week. Don't know if I was. Don't care. I hope you're OK. How do you know your sales figures so fast? Most book publishers take ages to calculate that shit. You're v lucky with your one and their royalty rates sound generous too.