I just got out of the nut house today. I went in July 20th. On July 19th (the day my sister died 8 yrs ago) I took 90 Clonazepam, 30 Ambien, about 40 Percocets. I passed out before I finished the suicide note. The next morning my parents woke, and I woke up just natuarlly. Fuck I have a high tolerance. Since I used my dad's pills to try and kill myself, I had to admit that I attempted suicide. I felt fine though so I refused to go to the hospital. Then my mom goes and calls the police.
So I get to the hosptial, and even though its been over eight hours since I took the medication I still had to drink that Charcoal drink. That's a big deturant to use pills to off oneself. The only thing the doctor was worried about was my ancimpitphine level aka tylanol, soory my spelling sucks. Anyway, the tylonol is in the Percocets, so I had to be put in the ICU, and given the antidote to tylonol posioning. So I did my night in the ICU, and then I was brought to Brown County mental health. Where I stayed 6 days. They don't let you smoke there, but they do give out nicorette gum, and now I'm craving fucking gum. The only thing I gained out of staying there was worse depression, and read catcher in the rye twice. That damn Holden Caufeild he's aces.
I haven't used since last week Tuesday. I'm not sick, and I can go without. I still have cravings pretty intense ones too. While in the nut house they barly talked about my depression, they wanted to talk about my drug usage. The wanted me to go to AODA groups everyday, but I told them no. I don't belive in the 12 steps. When they did ask me if i was still suicidal I said no, just to get out of their faster. I have a reader who told me there is a easier way to kill oneself with Carbon Monoxide, but he won't tell me how. I beg of you to tell me how. IF you thinking of putting a hose on the tail pipe of the car, and the putting the other end in the window and use something to keep the fumes from escapeing, I've thought of that, but we have an underground garage shared with a least 60 people, someone is bound to find me before I'm done with.
I'm broke so I can't even buy herion. So I may as well stay clean. If I do relapse it will be to die.