Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Suicide attempt goes wrong. I'm still alive :(

 I just got out of the nut house today. I went in July 20th. On July 19th (the day my sister died 8 yrs ago) I took 90 Clonazepam, 30 Ambien, about 40 Percocets. I passed out before I finished the suicide note. The next morning my parents woke, and I woke up just natuarlly. Fuck I have a high tolerance. Since I used my dad's pills to try and kill myself, I had to admit that I attempted suicide. I felt fine though so I refused to go to the hospital. Then my mom goes and calls the police.

So I get to the hosptial, and even though its been over eight hours since I took the medication I still had to drink that Charcoal drink. That's a big deturant to use pills to off oneself. The only thing the doctor was worried about was my ancimpitphine level aka tylanol, soory my spelling sucks. Anyway, the tylonol is in the Percocets, so I had to be put in the ICU, and given the antidote to tylonol posioning. So I did my night in the ICU, and then I was brought to Brown County mental health. Where I stayed 6 days. They don't let you smoke there, but they do give out nicorette gum, and now I'm craving fucking gum. The only thing I gained out of staying there was worse depression, and read catcher in the rye twice. That damn Holden Caufeild he's aces.

I haven't used since last week Tuesday. I'm not sick, and I can go without. I still have cravings pretty intense ones too. While in the nut house they barly talked about my depression, they wanted to talk about my drug usage. The wanted me to go to AODA groups everyday, but I told them no. I don't belive in the 12 steps. When they did ask me if i was still suicidal I said no, just to get out of their faster. I have a reader who told me there is a easier way to kill oneself with Carbon Monoxide, but he won't tell me how. I beg of you to tell me how. IF you thinking of putting a hose on the tail pipe of the car, and the putting the other end in the window and use something to keep the fumes from escapeing, I've thought of that, but we have an underground garage shared with a least 60 people, someone is bound to find me before I'm done with.

I'm broke so I can't even buy herion. So I may as well stay clean. If I do relapse it will be to die.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Anna, Knew something was up, no writings at all. Know the hospital stuff is a drag, you may want to try your best to stay clean & make your parents proud of you. Don't do anything stupid, OK?
YOU are loved Anna, YOU really are!\
Love,
M

Anonymous said...

I think it is safe to categorize you as a narcissistic, ignorant, selfish little bitch.

Clean up your act, think of someone other than yourself, and try doing something meaningful with your life.

This cry for attention bullshit needs to stop.

Anonymous said...

Look, Anna. Enough is enough. Stop trying to bring about your death, because you sure as hell must know that nobody escapes it in the end. Yeah, being clean sucks. Being fucked up sucks too, and have you ever considered the idea that you might still be here for a reason? Have you - even once - spared a thought for your parents and how your suicide or accidental death by overdose will affect them?

Anna Grace said...

I am a narcissistic and ignorant slefish bitch. Good call anon. Why do you think I want to die. Does that make me more ignorant?

Anonymous said...

I'm not buying it. If you really wanted to die, you'd be dead by now. It's really not that difficult, especially since you can research it on the Internet. Being obsessed with death and being suicidal are two very different things , and you'll never actually commit suicide, because then you won't be around to see how much attention it's garnered. The bottom line is, it's all about your image and how much attention you can get. It's never going to be enough to fill the hole inside you.
Also, you don't have to believe in god, or aliens, or fairies. But the 12 steps EXIST, so you cannot "not believe" in them. You can choose to believe they wouldn't work for you (as if you have any clue what works in your life) but they exist, and they help people recover from addiction. Of course you have no interest in recovering from anything at all.
Anyway, I'm done reading and thinking about you. You never change, never have an original thought, and are hardly ever honest. I'm sick of the commenters that call you nasty names, and I'm even more sick of the commenters that try to cheer you up and (ridiculously) profess their love for you.

Gledwood said...

i'm glad you're still here

xx

Gledwood said...

ANNA WHY NO POST ABOUT THE NUTHOUSE? CMON!!!

Anon: suicidality is not an all or nothing phenomenon; it comes by degrees. At least that's what I always found. And when you most want to do it you're least together TO do it, being disabled by the depression. It's terrible...