Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Jose commits armed robbery and goes to jail

I hate this life. I hate what I've done to myself. Rewiring my brain to crave opiates. I hate that I faked my death and upset so many of you. I hate that SB hates me. Gledwood no longer believes a word I write. Life just sucks. I'm going to buy a four bags of H and off myself. I would rather go out that way than to shoot myself. Even though a gun to the head is the most sure way to die. No narcan to bring you back from the brink of death. I'm not going to say if I used or not, because of nosey family members. I am even considering starting a new blog, hidden from the sight of family. Most of my family wishes I would just delete this blog, but I'm too vain to do that. I used to burn my journal's full of poetry when I was younger, but that was shit poetry. Some of what I wrote on this blog is at least interesting. Not all of it of course.

Like I would really kill myself. How many times is that, that I've threatened to off myself. If I was really going to do it, I would just get it over with already.

We, as in my mother, father and myself, along with Eleanor Rigby might be moving to Janesville WI, which is on the boarder of Illinois. My mom hasn't gotten the job yet, so I don't know if we are moving. We also may be going back to Hawaii this winter. My dad keeps telling me he's not going to let me out of his sight. Fucking A, I'm almost 30 years old, and they treat me like I'm 15. That's a 15 year difference. I may not be as mature as most 30 year olds. Still I have the right to move out. I have a place to go. Still I can't hurt my parents by moving out on them. I did it once, and Jose goes and robs a store, leaving me behind. It wasn't like Jose was the best guy in the world. Two people with addictions should not be together. His addiction was Coke, and from what I've seen of Coke it always brings you down a shit ton faster than heroin. At least that's my opinion. He robbed a store and got around 300 bucks. First thing he did with that money was go buy coke. Shitty coke. Even though I was dope sick, and he could have fixed me, he went and bought coke. That sounded selfish. Coke is more expensive than heroin. He bought a 100 dollars worth of coke, and it cost 50 dollars for a bag of H. I guess he's the one who robbed the store, I shouldn't expect him to buy me anything. Fuck I don't want to use stolen money.

Jose Oded on 2 bags of H. Yes, he did use H every now and then, but he was on Methadone, and I assume the mixture of methadone and heroin made him more prone to an overdose.

My friend had her baby. I haven't mentioned her in my blog, because she is someone my parents consider off limits. I haven't been able to see the baby because my parents don't let me leave the house. No my friend is not Meghan. She says I'm dead to her now. IN fact she is doing everything in her power to get me put in jail. Unlucky for her I haven't done anything illegal. I wasn't with Jose when he robbed the store, and I didn't even know Jose was going to rob a store.

Can you tell I'm obsessed with this robbery. I just wish he would have been smarter than that. Did he really think he wasn't going to get caught. I herd through the grapevine that he's getting forty years which he took as a plea deal. I doubt he'll actually sit forty years. His public defender has to do something to keep him from sitting that long.

I keep getting calls from the jail from Jose. He wants me to put money on his books, he says he's hungry. Jail food is atrocious.

I got to go and read my favorite blogs. Sorry for ranting on and on about Jose, and not telling you about what's going on in my life. Seriously though I need to start a new blog. Yet on the back of my book it gives this address to get people to read my blog.

13 comments:

Gledwood said...

You said heroin was $50 a quarter. Surely for $100 you'd get at least a gram of good coke? I know nothing of American prices but I heard the cocaine is cheaper there than here. Here we used to pay £30 a weighed gram on heroin (that's about $50), whereas coke was about £50 a gram, ie about $80...

Do you understand why I don't put my photo up at my blog? So I can say whatever I please. Only a small part of my family know that I blog, so I have the confidentiality I need... know what I mean?

Isn't Janesville closer to Chicago. If you wanted to misbehave you'd have less of a drive into the "hood".... Or are you trying to do what I'm trying to do and never touch that rotten shit again...?

I remember being told by a psychiatrist in the mental hospital "if you really wanted to commit suicide you'd just do it" ~ that really sounded like a direct challenge and I'm glad I wasn't disturbed enough to act on it because to some people in some circumstances that could be motivation enough to do myself in... know what I mean?

Please keep yourself well and good luck with whatever you do. Write volume 2 as soon as possible. PS did you know Amazon USA seem to have run out of copies and seemingly had to reorder...

elizabeth said...

Anna please get some real help. You sound more mixed up than ever, this is no way to live your life.

BMelonsLemonade said...

I really do not think Jose has had enough time to take any kind of plea deal, unless he just flat out rolled on some mother fuckers. Some big mother fuckers. Otherwise, shit like plea deals take quite some time...

John said...

40 years for robbing a store of 300 dollars? DOesn't sound realistic.

Gledwood said...

Anna why don't you try that dual place? You're living with your parents so you won't lose your home by going in there (like I probably would). You're off the drugs so no nasty detox to contend with. It's something worth thinking about.

I didn't mind being in rehab at all. It is just the DETOX part I was crap at. I was straight out the door every time. The group therapy crap I found quite interesting. Which is quite ironic I know considering how much I hate group therapy on the outside, but there ya go...

Susie said...

I'm glad you posted this. I've been asking my BF to rob somewhere--a store or a bank. It's always when we're sick and don't have the motivation to create a flawless plan and execute it. As Jose is experiencing, the consequences far outweigh the rewards.

Anna, you should consider getting on Suboxone. It has changed my life. Yes I still use sometimes, but I never ever have to worry about being dope sick so I'm able to work and attend social things. On clean day 2 (today for me), I've actually got energy, and it really helps with my depression. More so than all those SSRI/SNRIs they always try to stuff down my throat.

I do agree with you on the coke bit. Speedballing brought me to my KNEES. But ever since I've given up white, I've been able to hang on to a job. Every time I do use white, which is only a few times a year now, I feel like crap and the dreams come back and threaten to start the cycle all over again.

@Gledwood-US prices fluctuate regionally. Where I'm at, brown - $50 for .5 gram, and white is $60 for 1/2 an 8ball, and subs - $10.

Good luck all.

Gledwood said...

ANNA HOW ARE YOU TODAY? Are you OK? Are you manic? Depressive? Or plain vanilla normal. Not that there's anything wrong with normality but y'know....

... I'm a bit MANIC this afternoon wow. This despite going back ON my meds 3 days ago!! I really am only slightly hypomanic but boy does it feel good after being FUCKING DEPRESSED FOR WEEKS ON END. Even though it was not that bad depression it was bad enough.

Susie you can get a sixteenth of coke for $60 that's CHEAP!! I reckon most dealers would pay more than that for it here!! When I lived in a crackhouse I heard some of the Jamaicans paid £30 (about $50) for a "half a sixteenth" of crack; whereas the normal price was £40.

Tatyanna (and Dorian too) said...

the whole family thing, uggghhhh! i'm still reading your stuff, didn't get the book yet cuz i'm flat broke, but i definitely am going to! i don't hate you and i know i damn sure can't judge you for any of this stuff, because i've done at least the same to my loved ones or even to strangers, at some point in my life. ...gledwood, i agree with lotsa what you said...and wtf!!!! nice shrink to say, if you WANTED to off yourself, you would... i always thought that was the kinda thing they only say in movies. jesus.

Tatyanna (and Dorian too) said...

PS...oh yeah, i lost my train of thought last time...although i still support you, i also worry about you, and always will when i hear you write and sound so mixed up and hating everything worse than ever. i know that you hate hearing compliments (do you still?), and i don't want to say anything that sounds trite or whatever... but i have been just about the same place where you are (different mental problems, diff. drugs, but... same situation), and i would feel wrong somehow if i didn't just say here that things can be better... i'm not gonna bullshit and say it's easy or it's all sunshine and rainbows falling out of your ass and stuff :) but my life IS for real better today, and i did drag my dirty, smelly, addict ass up outta the lowest place in the world. if you want something better, meaning anything...doesn't have to be some traditional bullshit that anyone else tells you is "right"...then you can make it happen. just saying.

Gledwood said...

Tatyana's right. I don't want to be an addict any more. I don't think you do either Anna. I know this sounds preachy (maybe), but don't you feel you've been there, done that? We've both had a lifetime's worth of addict experiences and there is something about it that's just unsatisfying. I know gear feels great, but the lifestyle sucks. Most addicts wake up thinking "not another day"... even when they have gear in the house. It's the same day for ever and ever. Surely you wanna experience something more? I do. I'm willing to make a pact with you. If you're up for steering clear of that crap, I will too.

I'm steering clear of it anyhow. But I'd rather steer clear of it with you as well ;-)

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Anna,
I do NOT hate you. Never will. I just can't believe you put me through that. I can forgive and move on. Just don't do it EVER AGAIN. You need to think of other people sometimes--people like your parents and Gledwood and me. I know you're a good person. Act like one.

I still love you. I still have hope that you will grow up and develop into the person I know you can be. Please start working on it. If you need help or support, e-mail me. I am still here for you.

SB

Anonymous said...

ann is still a piece of shit

the guy in the silk taffeta dress said...

Anna,
I really don't want to be rude, but you're so worthy of a good, solid man. But I guess you're not looking for that?
It isn't my business and I know I should know better.
Take very good care,
j.