I hate this life. I hate what I've done to myself. Rewiring my brain to crave opiates. I hate that I faked my death and upset so many of you. I hate that SB hates me. Gledwood no longer believes a word I write. Life just sucks. I'm going to buy a four bags of H and off myself. I would rather go out that way than to shoot myself. Even though a gun to the head is the most sure way to die. No narcan to bring you back from the brink of death. I'm not going to say if I used or not, because of nosey family members. I am even considering starting a new blog, hidden from the sight of family. Most of my family wishes I would just delete this blog, but I'm too vain to do that. I used to burn my journal's full of poetry when I was younger, but that was shit poetry. Some of what I wrote on this blog is at least interesting. Not all of it of course.
Like I would really kill myself. How many times is that, that I've threatened to off myself. If I was really going to do it, I would just get it over with already.
We, as in my mother, father and myself, along with Eleanor Rigby might be moving to Janesville WI, which is on the boarder of Illinois. My mom hasn't gotten the job yet, so I don't know if we are moving. We also may be going back to Hawaii this winter. My dad keeps telling me he's not going to let me out of his sight. Fucking A, I'm almost 30 years old, and they treat me like I'm 15. That's a 15 year difference. I may not be as mature as most 30 year olds. Still I have the right to move out. I have a place to go. Still I can't hurt my parents by moving out on them. I did it once, and Jose goes and robs a store, leaving me behind. It wasn't like Jose was the best guy in the world. Two people with addictions should not be together. His addiction was Coke, and from what I've seen of Coke it always brings you down a shit ton faster than heroin. At least that's my opinion. He robbed a store and got around 300 bucks. First thing he did with that money was go buy coke. Shitty coke. Even though I was dope sick, and he could have fixed me, he went and bought coke. That sounded selfish. Coke is more expensive than heroin. He bought a 100 dollars worth of coke, and it cost 50 dollars for a bag of H. I guess he's the one who robbed the store, I shouldn't expect him to buy me anything. Fuck I don't want to use stolen money.
Jose Oded on 2 bags of H. Yes, he did use H every now and then, but he was on Methadone, and I assume the mixture of methadone and heroin made him more prone to an overdose.
My friend had her baby. I haven't mentioned her in my blog, because she is someone my parents consider off limits. I haven't been able to see the baby because my parents don't let me leave the house. No my friend is not Meghan. She says I'm dead to her now. IN fact she is doing everything in her power to get me put in jail. Unlucky for her I haven't done anything illegal. I wasn't with Jose when he robbed the store, and I didn't even know Jose was going to rob a store.
Can you tell I'm obsessed with this robbery. I just wish he would have been smarter than that. Did he really think he wasn't going to get caught. I herd through the grapevine that he's getting forty years which he took as a plea deal. I doubt he'll actually sit forty years. His public defender has to do something to keep him from sitting that long.
I keep getting calls from the jail from Jose. He wants me to put money on his books, he says he's hungry. Jail food is atrocious.
I got to go and read my favorite blogs. Sorry for ranting on and on about Jose, and not telling you about what's going on in my life. Seriously though I need to start a new blog. Yet on the back of my book it gives this address to get people to read my blog.