Saturday, July 16, 2011

A mean ploy to hurt my feelings, or a real person who likes me a lot?

Today I was ungodly dope sick. I no longer steal my dad's pills, so I went and bought ten measely mgs of methadone to try to take the edge off. Its not working. My friend was suppose to get a bag today, but he had to wait for his boss to call to get money to buy the dope. His boss never called.

Yesterday on the other hand the dealer came over to my friend's house while I was there and was cutting the dope. He gave us a lot of dope. Me and my friend shared a bag, and as soon as I hit my vein and pushed the H into my blood stream I was out of it. I hit my head on the floor from falling over after nodding out. It seems like the high didn't last as long as usual, unless I was out of it for, four hours and didn't remember the time  passing which is vilely possible.

Aside from my drug use, God I wish I would have never found God in a needle. Perhaps I've found Satan in a needle, and he's lead me astray.I'm feeling like the loser I know that I am. If only I could find the courage to off myself.

I've been thinking of getting a job. Something to supplement my income and buy more dope. Maybe Appleton Methadone clinic will take me in. Green Bay said no, but they told me to try the Appleton one. Why they would not allow me back at my local clinic, but allow me to go to Valley Health services clinic.

Ahh, I never got a royality check. I don't get one until September. As far as I know I sold 300 some books. I lied because I feeling bad about myself, and thought if I told you readers that I sold a ton of books and made a bunch of money, that I would feel better, then I went on and defended my lie. All I can say is I'm a lier. The only true thing in my blog is my addiction. I do weigh 150lbs, but I don't wear a size six, I wear a size 8-9 depending on the brand. I can fit my ass into a size six, but like a commenter said they are bursting at the seams. Well that feels good, no more lies to keep up.

All my freinds who have bought the book have been facebooking me and telling me "how good they think the book is". I know they realize the book is written like a idiot with a pen. Its so embarrassing. Here on my blog I'm not too embarrassed how I write, after all most of you  hate me. I did get a comment from some anon saying he was madly in love with me. Knowing my readers it was just someone fucking with me. I know I'm unloveable. I lie, I steal, I use drugs, I live off the government, I'm a shitty writer. The list could go on and on.

I've got something interesting to tell you, about a lie I'm telling my family, but unfourtany I can't write about it on here for fear of familywould read it, and my cover would be blown.

If this person is really madly inlove with me, please email me at younganna@ymail.com
If its just another anon just fucking with me, well thanks for once leaving a comment that didn't make me feel like shit. I hope Gledwood isn't jelous as he is my  cyber husband. Perhaps it was Gledwood proclaiming his love for me in anon form. I doubt it, he would just email me it.

There is a fly attacting me right now. It true they are attracted to shit.

Well this was a shitty post. Hope you enjoy some of it.

4 comments:

elizabeth said...

Anna it is impossible to believe anything you say anymore.....don't you get confused yourself? Geez, enough already!

the guy in the silk taffeta dress said...

Dear, dear Anna,

I thought you were one of the most straight forward and sincere persons who blog.
Now I'm becoming disillusioned, as though I have no clue who is Anna Grace.
I think most of us prefer your honesty.
Your clothes size means nothing.Just a number.That is personal and you never have to reveal it.
I did believe most of your posts.
Come on and be YOU again. I miss the true you.
Take good care,
j.

Anonymous said...

"it is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society"

xx

Anonymous said...

Anna, I wish you would for just one day, say to yourself I want to be a whole person. I want to leave behind the fragments of the person I thought I would become .
Childhood is a difficult thing to leave behind. But everyone has to face adulthood. Where make believe is just not cute anymore. You have many talents, you have proved that. You also have suffered a lot and paid dues to sociity. You can find the good side of yourself, you just have to face the demons and be brave instead of the big baby you like to protray. You crave attention and are afraid you wont be noticed if you stop being broken. But you are missing the blessing of this world by refusing the change you need. Take advice, quit the dope and do some good. There are thousands of things that need fixing and the only one who can do it is you. You will pay the grim reeper if you continue to dwell on self distruction, and suicide. If you thought jail was bad, your hereafter will make that look like a country club.