So you want to know what its like in the nut house. Its fucking depressing. Sure you see a lot of crazy people, some really crazy. Mainly I found thinking about killing myself comfortable. Kept my mind off using.
IN the day room there are two sides a tv on each side. One tv is always on news the second is always on music videos. I watched the music videos. I met a guy in there from my hometown of Oconto Falls who was only 21, but we flirted with eachother on down time which is all the time. He did laps around the facility and he leaned in and kissed me. It was sweet. I was taken aback. This 21 yr old kid had guts.
Then there was the guy always talking to the voices in his head. I never really listened to what he was saying. He was about 90 lbs.I think he was in there for not eating because he got put in the padded room for freaking out at meal time. Meal time is how our days are broken up.
I used. I didn't killl myself. I haven't the guts. I'm cursed to live out this long dull life for eternity. I'm in hell. I'm sick I haven't used in 24 hours. I won't be able to use until Tuesday. May as well kick the habbit huh. I thought I had it licked when I got out of the nut house, but I was wrong.
I'm a horriable person. Scared to kill myself with a gun. More afraid of what my parents would have to go through. I miss you Gledwood.