I used today, and yesterday. Before that I was clean for five days. I noticed when I'm not using, I'm not sick, but I sneeze a lot. What is that all about? Does anyone else experience this? On Monday I go to the Methadone clinic and get my paperwork done, and see the Doctor on October 5th and begin dosing that day. I guess there are a lot of new patients and there is only one Dr. on sight so I have to wait a few weeks before I can dose.
You wonder how I got back in, well I completed an outpatient rehab. I only had to go five times. At least I hope that will do it. My councilor said it would be enough, and the Dr. said it was enough.
That's not really what I wanted to write about. I wanted to write about bullying. Ever since I was in 3rd grade I've been bullied. When I was 14 I had, had enough and tried to kill myself. I took a half a bottle of Tylenol and laid down. Then I started to get nauseous and told my mom what I did and why I did it. When I got back to school after being in a physc ward for two weeks on the children's unit everyone in my class wrote a note that said next time use a gun. I was crushed. I was so ugly, stupid, and useless.
Now on my blog I get the same thing. I don't even read anon comments anymore, because they hurt my feelings. Yes I am a lier, I never denied that, I'm also a thief I never denied that. I'm always the one who gets haters. Its like my place in life is to be hated, even by people who read my online journal. I'm not witty like Melody Lee to come back at the haters with something clever to say.
I don't understand why I incite so much hatred? Why do people read if they hate me so much. After my faked suicide tons of people said they would stop reading, but I get more hits now than I ever did before that. I am disabling anon commenter's again. I don't read them anyway, so if you want to leave a comment you have to sign in.
When I was younger I was not fat, but the kids always said I was fat and ugly. One time my senior year I was walking into school. I had just lost 20lbs, and died my hair blond, I had on a cute expensive outfit. I was feeling pretty good about myself . That is until a car full of boys coming back from lunch driving past me as i was walking back into school, yelled, "Anna, you'll always be ugly" . I'll never forget that day. From then on I never again bothered to dress nice, or do my hair. Every now and again I'll straighten it, but I never do anything with it aside from brush it the once a week I shower. Mostly though I let it go curly. When it starts to get greasy I put it into a pony tail if I have to go somewhere.
I know this post is going to get the haters commenting. How I should just do away with myself. Well for once in a long while I'm not suicidal
I'm not saying I never bullied anyone. There was this fat girl in our class that I made fun of. She was the only one lower than me popular wise.
I was considered a dork, because I never did my homework, I always sat by myself, and I would read non essential books while the teacher was lecturing. I kept to myself, I wore shitty clothes, band t-shirts, holey jeans, converse high tops, I still dress like this.As you can tell from my photos.
My ten year class reunion was last month, and I didn't show. Even though I lost all the weight I gained, I wrote a book. A shitty book, but a book non the less. I've lived all over the United States, I don't have to work. I know that almost all my classmates on facebook have bought my book.
I'm asking that all you people hate me stop reading my blog.