Well, I made a call to one of my dealers, and what do ya know...they answered. So I've been on a three day binge. Stupid, so fucking stupid. I was doing pretty well off dope and I come back to WI only to start all over again. I gotta get outta this place. I'm high right now, and I'm just numb. I feel nothing at all. Not happy, not sad, just dead. I don't want to kill myself. By the way, I never once said that I wanted to kill myself because my book wasn't selling. I've wanted to kill myself for many reasons, but no because of my book. I didn't expect it to sell very well.
Oh fuck, I itch so fucking badly.Scratch till I bleed. I remember that time Courtney Love was on David Letterman, and she was scratching like a mad fucking women. That's the time she did the Drew Berrymore number and flashed Dave. I knew she was loaded when I saw all that itching. Then on her last appearance she admitted to being high on blow, and prescription pain pills that night/ day when it was tapped.
I lost my MP3 player, so I'm listening to a lot of Pandora Internet radio on my Blackberry. I'm really liking me some Bloodhound Gang. Old school stuff, not the "Lets do it like they do it on the discovery channel". I also like to watch cyst being popped on youtube. I wish someone I knew had a cyst I could lance. I had that abscess and that was fun to lance. The abscess is healing up nicely btw.
I guess I'm ready to be done with dope. Its no longer fun for me. It makes me itch, and makes me numb emotionally. Of course I say this while high, and as soon as I'm not high I'll be crying for more dope. I'm such an idiot. Using again, was the dumbest move I've made in a while. At least I'm not physically hooked right now, and can stop rather easily. Today was going to be my last day using, but for whatever reason my dealer called and wanted to make sure I knew I could call anytime that his phone was turned on again. No sht I knew that, I called you yesterday, or was it the day before that? I'm not sure my days are blurring into one and other. We still have no cable, not until Friday at noon. Luckily we have a vast DVD collection and I've been watching movies one after the other. I've been doing some reading, but I nod out as soon as I get to the second paragraph. I nod out watching movies right after the previews. It seems the only thing I can keep my eyes open for is watching cysts being popped.
My mom told me about this cyst my dad had on his taint when they were in Arizona. It hurt my dad really badly, being in such per carious location, so one night my mom put a hot compress on it and my dad fell asleep with that compress on. The next morning my dad sat up and felt and herd a pop. He looked down and there was oodels and oodels of puss and blood on the bed, on his stomach. My mom said it stunk something fierce. Anyway, my mom knew she had to get the hard core or the thing would come back. So mom gets down by his asshole, and balls. She presses on the hole where all the puss came out of, and when she presses on it out falls (I say falls because it didn't pop out she said it fell out) a huge hard yellow pocket of puss. Behind that pocket of puss, she pressed again and more puss comes flying out. This time it shot out like Tommy gun. I guess she was posed with her face right in my dad's ass because it got her right in the eye. I guess this went on for five minutes or more. Finally it was empty. She said there was a hole on his taint that was round and deep enough to put a q-tip in. .
You know how hotels don't wash their comforters very often!? Well my parents were in a hotel room when they juiced this cyst and it was all over the comforter. I feel bad for whomever gets that room the next night.