I've been going to the Methadone clinic for almost a full week, tomorrow will be a full week. I'm at 40mgs and its not holding me over yet. My mood has improved a 100%. I'm no longer obsessing about Kurt Cobain. A huge deal for me. Jesus H Christ, I can' think of anything to write about.
I do miss getting high, I still have a needle fixation, and have shot up water once. I think I felt a small rush for about three seconds and then nothing. Wait its not that I miss getting high, I'm having cravings. I'm also having sweets cravings. I am being very careful about what I eat and how much. I'm terrified that I will get huge again. I really wish I could put up a before and after photo, but I hawked my camera for dope money.
I've also made the decision to give all the money I get from SSI to my parents. Nearly 700 dollars a month. Our rent is almost 900 dollars a month, so I'll be paying a lot more than half the rent. I also give my food stamp card to my parents, so I'm also paying for groceries. If I get that job at the Veterinarian's office cleaning out cages and staying there over night after an animal has surgery to keep an eye on them, all that money I'll be able to keep. I'll only be getting minimum wage, and I can't work over 20 hours a week or I loose my benefits.
On the 5th of Oct. I bring Eleanor into the vets office to get her blood work she has to get done to go to Hawaii. We have no immediate plans on going to Hawaii, and it takes four months to get the results back, so we won't be able to go until February 5th. Its good to have it done just in case.
As far as my writing, I'm working on getting a literary agent. The novel is called Here we go again. This one is a true memoir about my childhood, and growing up after the suicide or my grandfather at our house, witnessing my babysitter shoot himself in the head with a shot gun and kill himself a few months later, and seeing my father try to kill himself by hanging the night he found his dad dead in the garage. I go more in detail about my bi polar, how I showed symptoms at age 14, but was not diagnosed until I was 20 years old.
I've sent out the manuscript to four agents so far, and I paid 50 dollars to a friend who works as an editor at my hometown news paper to edit the manuscript. I'm not holding my breath.
I have this reader who had a lesbian dream about me. That's awesome!!! I hope it wasn't someone just kidding with me.