Things have gone terriably wrong here in NC. My mom had to take a test to get into the job at the hospital. It was a critical thinking test, and she did not pass. So that means no job. Now we have to drive home to Wisconsin tonight. I'm scared to go back to Wisconsin. I've been clean almost a full week. I didn't go on the Methadone program. I took BMelons advice and stuck it out. I'm free of dope, but back in Wisconsin its right at my fingertips and my will power isn't that strong.
God things seemed like they were going to be so nice down here. A nice apartment, a new start. Now its back to old ways. Do I really want to be clean? I ask myself that everyday. I wish I could say for sure yes, I want to be free and clear of dope. Its just not so easy. Not like my parents think it should be. Not like you non users think it should be. No offence.
Life seems unbearable, I am insufferable to be around. I mope around all day. I had to take a Oxycodone to get myself to post on my blog. I don't consider taking a Oxycodone getting high, because I don't get high, I just even out. So the truth is I haven't been totally clean. I have used my dad's pills. God am I a loser.
My book isn't selling, big surprise. All my friends and family bought the book, and now nobody else is going to buy it. I think about killing myself, but I couldn't do that to my parents right now, they are under a lot of stress. Anytime I would kill myself would not be a good time. I'm not saying that anytime would be good. I just don't feel like living. No one can help me. My medications aren't working.
Click here to purchase my book, I hate myself and want to die, by Anna Young