Friday, September 2, 2011

Everything goes bust in Greenville North Carolina

Things have gone terriably wrong here in NC. My mom had to take a test to get into the job at the hospital. It was a critical thinking test, and she did not pass. So that means no job. Now we have to drive home to Wisconsin tonight. I'm scared to go back to Wisconsin. I've been clean almost a full week. I didn't go on the Methadone program. I took BMelons advice and stuck it out. I'm free of dope, but back in Wisconsin its right at my fingertips and my will power isn't that strong.

God things seemed like they were going to be so nice down here. A nice apartment, a new start. Now its back to old ways. Do I really want to be clean? I ask myself that everyday. I wish I could say for sure yes, I want to be free and clear of dope. Its just not so easy. Not like my parents think it should be. Not like you non users think it should be. No offence.

Life seems unbearable, I am insufferable to be around. I mope around all day. I had to take a Oxycodone to get myself to post on my blog. I don't consider taking a Oxycodone getting high, because I don't get high, I just even out.  So the truth is I haven't been totally clean. I have used my dad's pills. God am I a loser.

My book isn't selling, big surprise. All my friends and family bought the book, and now nobody else is going to buy it. I think about killing myself, but I couldn't do that to my parents right now, they are under a lot of stress. Anytime I would kill myself would not be a good time. I'm not saying that anytime would be good. I just don't feel like living. No one can help me. My medications aren't working.

Click here to purchase my book, I hate myself and want to die, by Anna Young

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

Something doesn't sound right...could it be another LIE???? No sane person would drive their family across country and rent an apartment for a job they may or may not get. Why didn't your mother go by herself to take the test and then if she got the job you all could move? If passing the test was required to get the job she would not have been offered the job until she passed the test so both your mother and father would have to be not all there to make a decision like that. It also sounds odd that she wasn't given another chance to take the test if she was supposedly hored already. And if you already had an apartment that means you would have had to pay security and first months rent and most likely sign a lease, so why wouldn't she try to get another job before losing that money? If you can prove this whole STORY is true I'll buy 100 of your books.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Anna,
You will quit when you are ready. Not a second before.

I love you. Hang in there, babe.

SB

Anonymous,
Eat shit and die. Why is your dumb ass still reading? What is your fucking problem?

BMelonsLemonade said...

Its tough in the beginning. And a change of scenery was the only way I could do it, most times. The last time I got clean, though, I was right back near the scene...but I managed to do it. The long and short of it is that you have to be ready, too. What you put into it is what you will get out of it. What about the option of taking something like naltrexone now, so that you would get sick if you used? I have several friends that take naltrexone every time they visit New Orleans, and if they encounter dope, and they do some...they only get sick, and then have the time to remind themselves how horrible it really was. Dont get discouraged...

Anonymous said...

hahaha. your mom's an idiot, just like you. actually, I've suspected all along that you're the same person, so it doesn't surprise me.

elizabeth said...

You know, I was thinking....if these posts you write ARE fiction....alot of these would make great material for another book! Just a thought Anna, just a thought.....

Anonymous said...

Anon #1 Yes, it is well established Anna is a liar, but this post isn't setting off the alarms on my bullshit meter. Anna described the apartment they would get- but said they were staying in a hotel. It is odd behavior to pack up the whole family and move cross-country without a definite job, but we're talking about the same people that continue to support their addict daughter. They are odd. Are you not getting the humor and irony of the mother failing a critical thinking test? Anna didn't make that up, it's too perfect.

And Anna, you're sad, you're crazy, you want to get high, you don't want to get high, blah blah blah. It's time to shit or get off the pot. Get high or get clean. Aren't you sick of this in-between place? You wallow in it, all the pain and insanity of using, without the pleasure of the high. No wonder you're so fucking miserable.

Anonymous said...

Does it seem like the current bad situation is always the worst it can get?

But didn't if feel that way with every one?

Things could get a lot worse.

Why don't you try living alone? It sounds like you and your parents are dependent on each other.

Anonymous said...

How gullible can people be???? Do you really believe in less than a week the family drove from WI to NC for a job that the mother didn't even have and are now back on WI. This all supposedly happened over 4-5 days. I saw that someone in NC wanted to get in touch with you. 'm guessing you figured you could not pull off the lie so you "moved" back to WI.

Anonymous said...

Ugh. It's true, for so many reasons. It's only a two day drive- 12 hrs to Graceland, then another 12 to NC. This post isn't really about Anna, it's not particularly intetesting, doesn't glamorize heroin, it's not worth making up. She would make it more interesting if it was a lie. If it was fiction, the reason for the move back would be different. It's too precise, and unflattering, a detail for Anna to have dreamed up. And again, expecting rational behavior from anyone in this family is a mistake. They are all sick.

ANYWAY, Anna- are you sure your medications aren't working? Addicts seem to want/expect to feel good all of the time. That's not possible. If you look at your life right now- no social life, no career, no independence, still taking opiates but less of them than usual- what is there to feel good about? There is no magic pill that's going to make you wake up in the shitty life you've created and be happy about it. There's no magic combo of meds that's going to make everything all better. You actually need to do some work yourself, just like everybody else. I'm getting Gledwood-like with my rambling post here, but this is my point: If your medications and brain are functioning normally, then you should feel awful. Because your life sucks. The question is what are you going to do about it?

Anonymous said...

There's definitely SOMETHING weird with this story. Three days ago, Anna's mom posted on FB that her first day on the new job went well. If the stuff about the test is 100% true, why was her mom working before she took the entry test?

What a strange, pitiful family.

bugerlugs63 said...

to anon 1 & 2, check out her mums facebook wall Elizabeth Erin Young. It appears they did go there and she worked on wednesday . . .maybe on trial period?? or had to do tests as well as work, with the view to moving in to appartment on saturday (think the appt went with the job). presume her mother was so sure of herself getting the job that they all went along ready to move in. . .
Then after wednesday she goes silent . . .so maybe . .just maybe . .its true!! Anon; looks like you might have to buy 100 of her books :-)
Anna, think its a pity it dint work out as it might have been just what you needed. Could you not apply for a job away from your parents (maybe with accommodation)and make a whole new start alone? I know it would be a massive move but I dont think you would regret it. leave the past behind & start again? it is possible and all your readers would follow and encourage you? go on . . .I dare you :-
)di

Gledwood said...

next time you see that shrink you should ask about getting your meds tweaked or changed; i would

Anonymous said...

Why did you put in the part about it being a "critical thinking" test? That seems like an underhanded insult to the person who's supporting you.

Your book isn't selling because you published it via a vanity press where you had to pay them to print it. Had you gone the traditional publishing route (i.e. literary agents, editors, publishing houses, etc.), you may have had more success as an author. If you put all that free time of yours to use and start reading and keeping up with a few publishing blogs, you will learn this sort of stuff and potentially be more successful with your next book.

Being an author is not like shooting up. It's not supposed to be an instant, easy thing. It takes a lot of discipline, knowledge about how the industry works, and years upon years of rejection and failure. You don't get to just fork over six hundred bucks and be a Times best seller, let alone actually call yourself an "author." I'm sorry to sound harsh, but your lamenting about how you're going to kill yourself because your book isn't selling is a bit sickening to anyone who devotes themselves to trying to make it in the literary world.