Friday, October 28, 2011

Which one is going to kill me?

I'm sitting in my room, I love my  bed, I have silk sheets and pillow cases, a 1000 thread count Egyptian cotton down blanket. Comforters are too hot for me. I have three other sheets that are all over a thousand thread count Egyptian cotton. I bought all this when I still on Methadone last time. Now that the methadone is making me sleep all the time, I get to enjoy my bed more. I just wish I had someone to share my bed with.

I have been journal again on a daily basis. I was only journal on a weekly basis, sometimes a monthly basis. All my entire were about how much heroin I used, how I acne'd my blanket on the couch with cigarette burns. We aren't allowed to smoke in the house, so I take a blanket outside and smoke with that, and burn it to hell.I worried if my parents would notice that I was I writing checks out to myself from their checking account, or taking their ATM card and taking money out. They only caught me once and that's when I went way overboard and wrote out around a thousand dollars in checks to myself. Now I give them all my SSI checks which amount to 700 something to them to do with as they please. I complain about it, mainly yesterday when I was shopping online and found the perfect purse and the perfect winter jacket. The purse was a little over priced at 300 dollars. Two seasons ago. The jacket was on, and it only cos ted 80 dollars.  I wanted to waste my money on an over priced purse and coat. There is a perfectly good coat for me at Kmart, and I could look at Burlington coat shop for both a jacket and a purse. TJ Max which is like a Ross store in Hawaii with cheap  name brand stuff. I really don't care about the name brand. I would have been a bit embarrassed to have a Marc  Jacobs purse.

My favorite outfit I have right now is a black sweat shirt that I got for 4 dollars at Wal Mart and I cut the collar out so it hangs off my shoulders, with a white t-shit under it, and a pair of 18.00 dollar jeans I got at K mart. I also got a sweat shit in gray too, but I haven't cut that one yet. Since I got the outfit that I like I wanted a purse to go with. Something with a splash of color. I guess color is not in this season, because all the purses at TJ Max were brown, gray, black, tan, and yellowish.

I think I've switched addictions, I've gone from heroin to shopping. If I keep gaining weight I won't be able to wear the clothes I want. So I'm really working on weight watchers. Which after I'm done blogging I'm going to go to my Weight Watchers website and count my points for the day. I had three pieces of French toast, with light syrup, and two sausages that I gave to Eleanor my dog.

I know you guys tune into my blog to hear about how fucked up my life is, and today I didn't give it to you. Except yesterday I took like 12 benzo's with my methadone to get high. I didn't really get high just tired. I won't be doing that again. I also thought about calling my dealer yesterday, but I didn't.

On another note, remember the whole Jose robbing a store with a gun, and thank god I didn't know he did it, or go with him, but anyway now he's in jail. He used to call me all the time. From Brown County Jail there is a number that comes up. Now I'm getting a call from another correctional facility named Chris. Now I'm scared that since I wouldn't take Jose's calls, and now he's been transferred to prison, and is having someone call me for him. I'm afraid he's planning a hit on me. Mainly because I told the cops that I was with him last night at so and so's house, and when I woke up he wasn't there, but around 1pm he came back, and he had a gun. There were a lot of kids in the house, and I asked him why he had a gun in the house, he told me to never mind.

So my dad calls my use telling me he would give me 50 bucks, so I take so and so's car over to my parents, and go up stairs and as soon as I open the door a cop grabs me by the wrist and tells me to sit. I had no idea what was going on, but I figured it had to do with the gun. I thought, did he kill someone. I know he hated his ex girlfriend but loved he at the same time and didn't want any other man to be with her. Then the police ask me about a robbery. I forget the name of the place. I didn't know anything about that, but I did tell them where Jose was. What he was wearing, and that he had a gun. So in a way its because of me he got caught. I think he blames me for going to prison for 20 years. I guess he robbed two places and got 40 years, 20 in and 20 out.

Or it could be this crazy guy named Chris that I met in Brown County Mental Health aka the nut house, and I was talking about taking a bus to Washington and go to Seattle when I got out. He said he would take the bus with me and be my protector. He even go the bus times leaving and how much it would cost for the two of us. When I got out my parents talked me out of it. Going to Seattle with a crazy person, not the greatest idea. In a manic state a great idea. He ended up going and called me ever day he was there asking me when I was coming I told him I'm not coming, but he would beg and I would say I will think about it. The he didn't call for about two weeks, and one morning he calls and tells me just go out of jail for selling his Lithium to an undercover. STUPID!! Fucking Lithium. Now you understand how crazy and dumb he was. Maybe just crazy. Now I think he might be in jail and is calling me every day three, four times a day. It took me forever that in the pre recorded saying who it is on the collect call, that he was saying Chris.  He could come back to Green Bay WI and kill me too.

Just so you know if I get killed its either Chris don't know last name, or Jose Machicoto.

I guess I leave you on that note.


eyelick said...

SHOPPING! Eye used to be So bad with shopping. Grabbing, filling carts, quite a rush of its own. BUT if the line was "too long" (a very subjective thing & eye can be Quite impatient) eye would push the cart aside and storm out of the store, pissed as all hell!

eyelick said...

They sound pretty crazy, but hope they're not insane enough to actually kill you.