Sunday, November 20, 2011

This human form in which I was born. I now repent.

I don't know if you remember my blog about Justin Rose. A guy I had a affair with about 6 years ago. Maybe more. Well he found me on Facebook. I was excited, I thought he wanted to see me. Instead he wanted me to hook him up with my dealer. He had just gotten off Suboxone, and was sick.

I had looked him up like six months ago, on facebook, but  could not find him. He didn't create a profile untl June. In June I was in the midst of drug addiction. I no longer cared about finding him.

Justin is now a father to, two beautiful babies. He's a single father. He says he wants to be friends. I want to be more than friends. He doesn't text me unless he wanted drugs. I figured out he was using me for a hook up. I was the one doing the texts asking him questions, telling him how I feel about him. I don't think he's over his children's mother.

Thank goodness he got back on Subs. I was worried about him. I'm not texting him everyday or anything like that. Every now and then I will ask him how he's doing. Right now I just texted him and asked if he wanted to go see a movie, with his children. He's a big sports fan, and the Green Bay packers are playing today, so I'm betting he will say no. Is it too forward to invite a guy and his kids to movie?

I really like Justin. He's smart, funny, dark, introverted. Great taste in music. He does have a violente streak. I don't know if having babies has melowed him out at all.

Should I just butt out of his life?

I'm still working on my grammar workbooks. I'm writing this rather fast, not thinking about where comma's, and weather I should use who or whom.

Dude's I just want to get laid, perhaps have a child of my own someday. Not saying I want Justin's baby. Not saying I'm ready for a baby just yet. Still my clock is ticking.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

My shitty lovely grammar!!!

Anonymous you are right my book is just a ton of grammar errors.  So I got to thinking. Why?  Why didn't the editor do his job. Fix my shitty grammar.  So I took my Blackberry and called the publishing house. I asked, "why"?  They sent me to speak with the editor.  I did what any red blooded woman would do. I called him crying.  Why? Why? Please tell me why? This is what bullshit answer he gave me. "If I cleaned up your grammar the book would have lost its tone. It would have turned into my book. "  There is SO many grammar errors in my book that my book would not be my book anymore.

You want to know what I did. I went to Barns and Noble and got every book I could find on grammar. Two books. Grammar for idiots. Which I thought most appropriate. Then when Bad Grammar happens to good People. Then I found this other book, How to read like a writer. Which I Promise to read after I finish my two grammar books, and understand what grammar is, and why its so damn important!!

I googled books with bad grammar. Which book should show up, but Catcher in the Rye. A book most English teachers would scoff at had it not been a classic. In no way am I comparing my book to Catcher in the Rye. That would be like comparing Steven King to Edger Allen Poe. Still to good. Steven King I will admit is a prolific writer. I just don't like his books. I read this series of his books, the tower something. In one of the books he actually spent three sentences describing a fucking shoelace. It had nothing to do with the plot.

I must admit I haven't gotten to into my grammar books just yet. But...wait. I have a cup of coffee, a bottle of Adderal, and a coke in front of me. I'm going to start my grammar lessons...soon!! First I have to finish my pleasure book. One Day, which has taken me three days to read.

I'm going to get so good at grammar, you won't know its me who's writing this blog. I promise!

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Relapse of 2011

I'm going to back to when I was using and not blogging because I was too busy finding money, buying dope, using dope, and repeat.  I will not be using real names to protect the guilty and Innocent.

A normal day for me consisted of me waking up sick, when I had my 700.00 dollars to spend, I would take a 100.00 dollars out and call my dealer and buy two bags. This was the main dealer that I went through, the only one I had the phone number to. The dealer would say he would be there in 20 mins. I would go outside and wait for him by Subway down the road from my parents condo. He never showed up on time. I would sit there for an hour sometimes. I smokes cigarettes after cigarette, sometime I would bring nook and try to read, but my mind too preoccupied. When the dealer showed up my eyes lit up like it was Christmas time. I would bring back to my parent's condo, and say I had to do number 2. I would then proceed to cook up my shot, and sink pop it. From using it so much my veins are all shot. The only ones still working are the one in my thigh, and my jugular. I could never find the on in my thigh, and after shooting up in my jugular a number of times it has hidden on me. I could no longer stick my finger in my mouth and blow and get it to stick out. It was still there if I poked around a bit,, but I was inpatient. I found I got just as high sink popping as I did main lining. It just took 2 to 3 mins to kick in.  I would shoot it in my ankles so I wouldn't have any bruises showing.

When my money ran out, I would So the dope costed 60.00 dollars. At this time I was writing out checks to myself from my parents account. I also stole their debit cards and would go to the ATM and get out as much money as could without being detected. I could usually get 50 dollars a day, so I would have to use half of what I was normally using. Then the money would run out for a few days, and I would have to go sick for three days. After that it was all in my head. Intense cravings, still a runny nose, watery eyes, sneezing and goose bumps, but not the aches and pain, and no longer shitting my pants. Then just when I thought I would never get high again, Ki Ki would buy a bag and share with me. I shared with her so often that  when she had money she would catch me back.

At first we would go to Sarah and Kevin's place to use, but after a while they has so many people in and out of there they go a paper letting them know they were considered a shooting gallery. At least that's what Sarah and Kevin told us. The did have a paper showing that Jose the guy who I was sort of seeing robbed a store at gun point. He squealed on Kevin and Sarah telling them it was just a shooting gallery up there. I won't lie it was sort of a shoot gallery. People coming in and out paying Kevin 5 bucks to shoot up in their house. After they saw that letter they wouldn't let anyone up there to shoot the dope. So Ki Ki and I started shoot up in the car.

The guy I had a connection with had consistently good dope, the stuff Ki Ki's people's dope. I mean sometimes they had great dope, but then they would get this white shit and it was purse shit. It didn't make you feel better. At least not for long.

Call my mom at 920-621-8598 or my dad at 920-609-8581 and they will tell you the hell I put them through in my years of active addiction. My dad considers being on Methadone as me still being addicted to dope, just a dope a Dr. prescribes.

This confusing thing where some of you think my mom is me, or I am my mom is just ridicules. I once accidentally posted on my mom's face book page and suddenly I am my mom, or my mom is me. call me Anna 920-660-5231 and see that I am really me. This is Anna Young's blog. I Anna Young write it. I did once lie about having a relapse when I was one suboxone, because I was losing readers being on suboxone and not having any interesting blog anymore. Then the death thing, and I admitted that.

I got on the Methadone clinic again because it gives me back my life. If you were to read my book you see that I was a full blown junkie.  I understand if you can't afford to buy the book, or if I Hate Myself and Want to Die is not your type of book.

I'm sick of being told that I've never been a full blown junkie before. If you read the book and get to the Hawaii part you see how bad I was really strung out. I sold my body for drugs and money. I even have a prostitution charge on my record. You think I wanted to fuck some old ugly men with uncircumcised cocks, and let them fuck me just for fun. Your sadly mistaken.

I guess I don't write passionately about my use on my blog because I put so much of it  in my book. So I'll never get those to believe me after my two lies on my blog. My dad might be mad that I gave out his phone number to have  bunch of people ask if I have ever been a full blown junkie.

I guess since I told all the haters to go away, they did. Since my stats are more than half what they used to be. Oh well. The people that do read, the larger percent of them read for more than an hour. 38% are less than 5 secs.

I still want to know why or why not you would or would not want to buy my book. I swear to you its a good book. Not the next great American memoir, just a good fast read. Its on sale on Amazon.com and on Barnsandnoble.com Its really cheap on nook, and kindle. Click linck to purchase a copy of I Hate Myself and Want to Die