Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Porno buffering

Last night I could not sleep. Just thought after fucking thought ran through my head. I was remembering ever incident I never want to remember. Like being bent over a sink in a dirty bathroom getting fucked by some guy for a quarter of h. How I ran out on Eleanor when I relapsed this spring. Now my fucking computer is running for shit. I just watched a porno and masturbated, the fucking porn kept buffering.

Anyway, last night I ended up going and getting my dog off my parents bed, and putting her in my bed with me. Then crying until I felt like a little kid and fell asleep around four am. Then I get up to go to the clinic, and have to piss really badly. I get to the clinic and I don't have an UA, so I tell the nurse I'm going to use the bathroom. I go to open the door, and there stands some young man trying to pee. I look at him and say sorry dude. Then I go into the employee bathroom.I piss and talk to myself how this day is a bad day already. I also had an appointment with my there rapist, and by the time the appointment is I'm to lazy to go. So I lay on the couch and stew about how fucking bad my life is.

I hope tomorrow is a little better. Except I have to pay 36 dollars for not showing up to my there rapist, and now I have to wait another 90 days until I get a fucking take home. God, I hate myself and want to die.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Christmas morning 2011

Watching Kim and Kourtney take New York, Christmas day. This morning I got to sleep in till 9am. My mom woke me up and told me to get ready to go to my cousin Amanda's house for breakfast. I love going . Amanda's kids are great fun.

BTW, Kim's ex husband is a douche. I can totally see why she left him. Oh yeah, I went and saw the movie, The Girl with a Dragon Tattoo. OMG, it was excellent. The most horrifying rape scene I ever saw. I wanted to close my eyes. Then she gets him back and its great.

I don't have to go to the clinic tomorrow. We all got two take home doses for xmas. Same goes for New Year's Eve two take homes. One New Year's Eve there is a Big Bang Theory marathon on TBS. I know I have no life, and TV repeats get me excited. I love the show.

Wow this blog is very random. I really don't have any kind of life to write about. I'm off street drugs. I live with my parents. I got to the YMCA to work out. I eat too much candy and have to work out at least two hours a day. I must say I'm loving working out.

Never toast with an empty glass. It's bad luck. Love and respect to all who read this on this Christmas day.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Jolly old Anna

I'm back online. I hawked my old computer, and was without Internet for a while. Yes, I did relapse. I used the 60 dollars I got for my computer to buy a bag of dope. So stupid. I used for about a week, and then upped my dose of Methadone. Now even if I wanted to get high it would cost too much, or I would OD trying to get high.

So tis the season. I sure am jolly. I got this new computer for Christmas. I watched two Christmas movies today. Home Alone, and the 1938 version of A Christmas Carol. I've been practicing my charades moves. plan on having a good old game of charades Christmas morning at my cousin's house. My mom gets my moves right away. I never guess my mom's moves. She did out of Africa, the movie. How the hell am I suppose to get that?

Last time I posted I believe it was about Justin Rose. Well, for a while we were texting each other on a consistent basis. He told me he didn't want a relationship. I was surprised at my reaction. I was not upset. I would much rather have a solid friendship than a sexual relationship. So I continued to text  back and forth with him. Then one day I was like, dude; you have two babies who live with you and your a single father. You don't have a job. Your using dope. Fuck your a loser. So I deleted his phone number, deleted his facebook status as friend to not a friend. I had an ah ha moment. I don't want to be with another addict. I don't even want addict friends. What used to seem so glamours to me is now just so fucking pitiful.

I wasted my 20's on drugs. I'm going to be 29 in February. I want to have children soon, I want a writing career. I don't want to be attracted to men with no jobs, and no ambition. I don't want to date anyone who doesn't make over 50,000 dollars a year. So I'm changing my profile on okcupid.com to hopefully find that someone.

As you can tell from this post, I haven't been working on my grammar as much as I should. I still have my grammar work books, and my New Years resolution is too work on my grammar at least an hour a day. Start to write a new book. I have a couple ideas I'm playing with. Nothing solid yet.

I'm off to read all the blog's that I haven't gotten to read in a few weeks.