Its sunny. Finally I can go to the beach and soak up the sun. Finish reading Mrs. Hollaway, and start Catch 22. I got Kevin to read Wurthering Heights. He's taking his time reading it. He's had it for four days, and normally he finishes a book in two days at most. We've made plans to go scuba diving next week. Its a 120 dollars per person, which is a fair amount. I justify it by saying I would spend that much on heroin in Green bay in a day. Instead of getting high on a drug, I'm going to get low under the water. Woot woot.
I'm gonna tell Kevin about my addiction, and give him my book today. We already spent the money for scuba diving so if he decides he doesn't want to be with me after he reads my book, we will still have to go scuba diving together. Wait, he could always get his money back. I'm sure they would charge a fee though. He's pretty cheap so he would probably still go scuba diving.
My UA came back positive for opiates at the clinic, so after over 90 days waiting to get my take home dose, I got it taken away. Now I have to do another 90 days just to get my take home back.
Gledwood doesn't understand how I can get off Methadone and a few month later go screaming back begging for a dose. The key to being on Methadone for me is not having too high a dose. I'm at 85 mgs. It takes two bags of black tar heroin to break through my dose. I don't get the same high I got when I was off methadone, but there is still a glow. Also if I don't want to use heroin I can always take a bunch of benzos and get a glow off my Methadone. If I just want to be straight I just take Methadone and not abuse benzos. I understand methadone is not for everyone. I find Methadone the perfect fix for my addiction. When I was just using heroin and other street opiates I was depressed when I wasn't high, and was always anxiety ridden when not high worrying about getting high. With Methadone there is no depression. At least not a terrible depression like it was on heroin. When I was on heroin there was never enough. Now there is always enough. I know this doesn't clear it up at all, but I tried.
Hmm, nothing else to really write about. If Kevin and I have sex tonight or today I will write about it in detail. I might write some erotica and send it into pent house and see if I can't get paid for it. I can only write about sex if I'm aroused. Sometimes I'll start out not aroused, but I'll get myself aroused by writing about it. So it starts slow, but then gets dirty.
I wasnt' going to mention the comments, but I have to. Why anon's are so fucking mean to me? I guess I'm not pretty. I know I'm not fat though. I know that. You guys are trying to hurt my feelings, and whoever it was that said that about my sister, that was sick. You said something to the tune that anyone who reads my blog is stupid, well you must have read every word I ever wrote, because I haven't written about my sister in years. So your stupid too. Plus I never said I was a good writer, I've always made a point of saying I'm not a good writer. I suck at it. I know that. Just like I know I'm not fat. My BMI is in normal range for my height and age. I may not be rail thin, but I'm not fat. No matter how much or how many people tell me I am, I will not believe it, because I've been fat and know how it looks and feels. I don't look or feel fat anymore.
I'm not going to tell Kevin about my blog because I don't want him to read the comments. I could always delete them. Hmm I just might do that. Take away your voice. Ha ha.