Thursday, March 15, 2012

Oink, oink

Its sunny. Finally I can go to the beach and soak up the sun. Finish reading Mrs. Hollaway, and start Catch 22. I got Kevin to read Wurthering Heights. He's taking his time reading it. He's had it for four days, and normally he finishes a book in two days at most. We've made plans to go scuba diving next week. Its a 120 dollars per person, which is a fair amount. I justify it by saying I would spend that much on heroin in Green bay in a day. Instead of getting high on a drug, I'm going to get low under the water. Woot woot.

I'm gonna tell Kevin about my addiction, and give him my book today. We already spent the money for scuba diving so if he decides he doesn't want to be with me after he reads my book, we will still have to go scuba diving together. Wait, he could always get his money back. I'm sure they would charge a fee though. He's pretty cheap so he would probably still go scuba diving.

My UA came back positive for opiates at the clinic, so after over 90 days waiting to get my take home dose, I got it taken away. Now I have to do another 90 days just to get my take home back.

Gledwood doesn't understand how I can get off Methadone and a few month later go screaming back begging for a dose. The key to being on Methadone for me is not having too high a dose. I'm at 85 mgs. It takes two bags of  black tar heroin to break through my dose. I don't get the same high I got when I was off methadone, but there is still a glow. Also if I don't want to use heroin I can always take a bunch of benzos and get a glow off my Methadone. If I just want to be straight I just take Methadone and not abuse benzos. I understand methadone is not for everyone. I find Methadone the perfect fix for my addiction. When I was just using heroin and other street opiates I was depressed when I wasn't high, and was always anxiety ridden when not high worrying about getting high. With Methadone there is no depression. At least not a terrible depression like it was on heroin. When I was on heroin there was never enough. Now there is always enough. I know this doesn't clear it up at all, but I tried.

Hmm, nothing else to  really write about. If Kevin and I have sex tonight or today I will write about it in detail.  I might write some erotica and send it into pent house and see if I can't get paid for it. I can only write about sex if I'm aroused. Sometimes I'll start out not aroused, but I'll get myself aroused by writing about it. So it starts slow, but then gets dirty.

I wasnt' going to mention the comments, but I have to. Why anon's are so fucking mean to me? I guess I'm not pretty. I know I'm not fat though. I know that. You guys are trying to hurt my feelings, and whoever it was that said that about my sister, that was sick. You said something to the tune that anyone who reads my blog is stupid, well you must have read every word I ever wrote, because I haven't written about my sister in years.  So your stupid too. Plus I never said I was a good writer, I've always made a point of saying I'm not a good writer. I suck at it. I know that. Just like I know I'm not fat. My BMI is in normal range for my height and age. I may not be rail thin, but I'm not fat. No matter how much or how many people tell me I am, I will not believe it, because I've been fat and know how it looks and feels. I don't look or feel fat anymore.

I'm not going to tell Kevin about my blog because I don't want him to read the comments. I could always delete them. Hmm I just might do that. Take away your voice. Ha ha.

14 comments:

karl said...

Hi Anna,
Wow, your anon really is a piece of twisted shit, who ever it is they seem to be obsessed to distraction by you !
Catch ya later....Karl

Anonymous said...

Anna- Address this:

1. Take a picture with a paper sign that says the date.

Anonymous said...

She can't take a picture with the date because she's still in fucking Wisconsin. Those pictures of Hawaii are about five years old. Either that or Anna's fashion sense is very 2005.

Anonymous said...

I agree, those pictures are old. That is why I asked her to do that. She could very well be in Hawaii, but those pictures are not recent.

Anonymous said...

wtf why do you care so much if she's lying or not, you anons are so fucking obsessive!!!!! it's scary.
Do you think you are so important that she's going to do everything you tell her??? fuck offfff

Anonymous said...

Funny, your mothers Facebook says she lives in wisconsin.

Anna Grace said...

Funny, my mom works nights and hasn't the time to update her fb status much less her profile.

The book is called "I Hate MYSELF and Want to die", not I Hate my life.

People get a life, and stop living vicariously through me. Really pathetic.

Anna Grace said...

Crazy stalker anon is from Raligh NC. Go Away.

Anna Grace said...

Anon, send me a picture of you with the date on a peice of paper, and then I will post one. Sounds fair.

I'm waiting....

oyzz said...

i would so so do u, and your lovely curves

the guy in the silk taffeta dress said...

Anna,

Marilyn Monroe was voluptuous and she's still a sex icon today. Men need something to grab. I think most guys don't want to hug bones, but flesh. Bones aren't sexy.

You look beautiful in your new photos and I love the "salt water curl" you've got.

Haters seem to have so much leisure time and idle lives. It's pitiful that they have no other interests but you, but then you are a very interesting girl.

Gledwood said...

You actually feel better on methadone than heroin? Wow, you're really lucky.

The problem I had with drugs was that heroin worked very effectively as an antidepressant for as long as it was in my system. I could take enough methadone to feel totally OK physically but I would still feel lousy mentally because the methadone hadn't cured the underlying depression. On methadone days I just stared into space or fantasized about committing suicide... unhealthy stuff all of it. Things have changed since the quality of gear went down over a year ago and I had a manic episode. The heroin is no longer strong enough to act as a mood stabilizer and my brain chemistry has probably changed. I'm doing my methadone reduction slowly because I do not want to be one of the people who go crying back to it after a few weeks trying to be clean but feeling really depressed. You're not the only one that's happened to. I know someone who came of Suboxone and basically had to go back on it as he felt so bad. The doctor is giving him bipolar drugs too... What is it about drug addiction and bipolar? They seem to go hand in hand so perfectly...

Jynxie said...

Anna is your Raleigh Anon from IP
65.190.35.8?

Hes got a hard-on for stalking junkie chicks on the internet apparently..

Anna Young said...

That is the anonymous asshole.