write these words to be read. As you read, I beseech thee to not judge until
you’ve read all the words I have laid down. After you’ve read these words, then
by all means make your judgments. Yet, before you cast your stones, remember.
“let he who is without sin cast the first stone”.
was in my thirteenth year of life. I was an odd young person, not like the
other girls. Summer vacation was coming to an end, and school was in the near
future. I would be entering my last year of junior high. I was not unpopular,
nor was I popular. My best friend on the other hand was very popular. Something
had changed between me and my best friend. I had gotten my period at the age of
11, and my best friend was still waiting for hers to arrive. Hormones raged
though me, influencing every move I made. I could feel myself drifting further
away from the girl I had once been so close to. The girl I had spent almost
every weekend with. We knew each other as we knew ourselves. Now, I was going through
puberty, and she was still into childish things.
particular morning was over cast, the sun hide behind the clouds as though it
was shielding itself from some horror it was about to witness. The air was
warm, and there was nothing on the television. I asked my sister if she wanted
to go roller blading with me, but she was doing something with one of her
friends. My best friend was also busy. So I decided to take out my Rollerblades
and go for a skate by myself. As I started to skate the clouds parted, and the
sun broke out. The day grew warmer. I had crossed the bridge in my hometown. A
small city of 2,000 people. There was never much traffic on a Saturday afternoon
in mid-summer where I lived. As I crossed the bridge I went from my side of
town (the west side) to the “other” side of town…the east side.
don’t remember what was going through my mind as I leisurely skated down Main
St., until I came upon him. He whom I had a secret crush on all summer. He was
sitting on a stoop outside the furniture store. Above the furniture store was
an apartment. In my hometown only poor people lived above these old buildings
that lined Main St. He did not live above the store, but a girl who had just
moved to our little town lived in the apartment, she had many brothers and
sisters. She was the oldest of the children, and her mother was often at the
bar. Leaving the eldest daughter to the duties of a mother. This girl did not
take these duties seriously and let the children run amok. She, the same age as
me, was a smoker, and she drank alcohol. All this intrigued me. I wanted to be
a bad girl.
parents were hard working people, and both had good jobs. Our town having almost
a nonexistent industry, meant my parents both had to drive to a bigger city to
work. My mom was a nurse, and my father a paper mill worker. This day both my
parents were working until 4pm.
I skated up to him, he who was sitting on the stoop, it was about noon. I had
plenty time to hang out with this guy whom my parents would never approve of.
If my parents knew I was just hanging out on Main St. they would punish me. It
was where the “dirt balls” hung out, smoked, drank, and did drugs. All the things
I wanted to do since puberty hit. Most of all though, I wanted to lose my
virginity. I didn’t care if it was something sacred. No, I wanted to be rid of
this burden. I didn’t want to wait for the “perfect” guy and be deflowered in
some romantic way. I wanted to fuck.
sat down on the stoop next to this bad boy, “dirtball”. He looked at me, said,
“hi”. I looked at him and greeted him back. He asked me what I was doing. I
looked at him with a look of coldness and said, “what do you think I’m doing?
What are these on my feet”? He laughed. I ended up taking off my roller blades
because my calf was cramping. Suddenly he grabbed my roller blades and ran
upstairs. I followed him up the stairs, and yelled for him to give them back.
He went into a back room where another guy was sleeping. The guy with my roller
blades said to me, “if you want your skates back you have to have sex with me”.
face flushed crimson, and despite myself I smiled. My heart began to beat
faster, and when he leaned in to kiss me I thought for sure I was having a
heart attack. I was blushing, and my mind was racing. How are we going to do
this, I thought? He took off my shirt and bar, and looked at my bare skin. He
took his hand and touched my milky white, newly developed, trembling breasts.
He brought his lips to my nipples, and licked and sucked on them. I felt a
sudden ting in my loins. My vagina was getting wet. As he played with my
breasts, I took off my shorts and my, My
Little Pony underwear. He noticed I did this, and he took his pants off,
and pulled a condom out of his wallet, he took it out of its wrapper, and
unrolled the latex down the shot length of his penis. I watched as he did this,
and as I waited for him, I came to my senses. realizing what was about to
happen, I was suddenly scared. I thought what if that guy across the room wakes
up? What if everyone can tell I’ve had sex? What if…oh god…what if my mom
notices I’m no longer a virgin?
it happened, he was on top of me, and was holding his penis between my legs
trying to find my vagina. He kept almost entering my anus. So I put my hand
down there and guided him into my correct opening. Just as he inserted his
penis, he looks at me and sees that I’m in pain. He asks, “is this your first
time having sex”? I lied and said no. He kept moving his penis back and forth.
Every thrust hurt. In my head I thought, why do people say this feels so good?
Why would anyone want to do this more than once? I realized I was holding my
breath and my eyes where tightly shut. My small fists were in tight balls and
my knuckles where white. I just wanted it to be over. That tinge I had felt in
my loins when he put his mouth on my nipples was gone, and replaced with the
feeling I was being ripped apart. He started humping me faster, and faster,
then he made this weird noise, his eyes opened wide, and suddenly he was done.
He took his penis out of my vagina and he asked me if I had my period. I
thought what an odd question. Then I looked down and saw the sheets were bright
red with blood. It wasn’t slimy like period blood, but wet and thin like when
you cut yourself and bleed. A look of realization came over him, and he said, “YOU
ARE A VIRGIN”. I looked down at my feet ashamed and embarrassed and
shook my head yes.
told me to get up and go to the bathroom and wash up. As I walked out of the
bedroom, I looked back and saw him taking the sheets off the bed. I went into
the bathroom, and looked at my naked body in the looking glass. Blood was still
running down my leg. I found a washcloth and I wet it with cold water. I put it
on my vagina and left it there for a moment. It felt good like relief. Then I
washed up the blood. After I collected myself I went back into the room, and to
my dismay the guy who had been lying on the bed across the room sleeping was
now awake. He was going to see me naked, and go know that I just had sex. The
guy I just had sex with handed me my clothes, and I quickly put on my undies,
and bra. Then my shorts and tee shirt. He handed me my roller blades, and said
I had to go. I got up to leave, and turned to say goodbye, but when I turned
around I saw him high fiving the other guy, and I turned back around and walked
out of the apartment.
I got outside on the stoop, I put my roller blades back on, and the fresh air
felt good. It was hotter than before, but I barely noticed. All I thought was
now I can get away from here. I didn’t feel used or disgusted with myself. I
felt like I had finally gotten it over with. Now I just worried that I would
not be home before my mom got home. So I skated as fast as I could across the
bridge back to my side of town. I decided that later tonight I would call my
best friend and tell her what I did. Little did I know that she already knew?
The guy in the room sleeping while I was being deflowered went and told
everyone. In a small town word gets around fast. Before I could make it home,
my best friend had called my sister, who had also already heard the news of my
deflowering, they got on their bikes to look for me. When it was almost 4pm my best
friend had to be home for dinner, and my sister had to be home to go to her softball
game in another town. When my sister got home I was already there, she didn’t
say anything to me about what she herd. A few minutes later my mom pulled in
the driveway. My sister got in her uniform, and just as we were getting in the
car with my mom to drive to the softball game, my dad pulled in. He waved good
bye to us.
this time I was sure my mom could sense that something was different about me.
I thought maybe she could smell the sex on me. I watched my sister play her
game, but the whole while I was reliving my day, moment by moment. I felt
older, more experienced. I no longer had to worry I would die a virgin. I also
said to myself, I’m not doing that again anytime soon. And I didn’t. I did not
have sex again until I was 16 years old. At the age of 15 I started dating a
guy who was 20 years old. Looking back I think gross. Why would a guy that was
20 want to date a girl who was only 15? Back then though I didn’t question it.
I was just glad a guy took interest in me. I made him wait a few months before
we had sex. With him is who I first had an orgasm by, after about two years of
having sex with him, one day he was going down on me, and I came. I never felt
something so good. I had felt that way in dreams, and had woken up humping my
bed, but I thought that that only happened in dreams. I didn’t know that was an
orgasm. Then my boyfriend did it with his tongue while I was awake. After that
all I wanted him to do was eat me out, and only after that would I let him have
sex with me. Of course I would give him blow jobs all the time to repay him.
there it is. My virginity. Gone.
Who am I, and why do you want to read my blog?
My name is Anna Grace Young, I'm a recoverying heroin addict...sort of. I'm on Methadone treatment. I love writing, and have written a book. Its called...you'll never belive this...I Hate Myself and Want to Die by Anna Young. This a published book and you can find it on Amazon.com or Barns and Noble.com as well as any site that sells books. Its also available in Ebook format. I'm also Bi polar and on SSI. I Can't work at a normal job because of my violent mood swings. My favorite quote is "Look on the brightside suicide".