Thursday, July 12, 2012

The future so bright I need a pair of sunglasses

I cannot think of anything to write about. I finished Naked Lunch yesterday, and this morning I wrote up a critique of the book. Being totally honest, I didn't much enjoy reading this particular book. I can appreciate the beauty of his prose, and his experimenting with different book structures, and creating a different form of book, not a novel, not a memoir/biography, and not poetry. It really doesn't fit into any categorization of book. When I first read On the Road I thought wow, he really played with idea of traditional novel formats, and way of telling a story. I enjoyed the book, On the Road because there was a story being told. I'm not sure which book was written and published first. I don't know if Kerouac read Naked Lunch and was inspired or if Burroughs read On the Road and was inspired. Naked Lunch by far the more experimental of the two. Actually now that I think of it, I remember reading somewhere that Allen Ginsberg dared Burroughs to write something, but I can't remember if it was Naked Lunch or Junky. I do distinctly remember reading somewhere that one of these books was written on a dare, or bet of some kind. I do know that Junky was the first book that Burroughs wrote, although it wasn't the first of his books to be published.

So it’s onto another book. I keep telling myself it's time to read War and Peace, but I always end up picking up a different book. I haven't looked through my library to pick a book. I downloaded a bunch of classic novels onto my Nook that I could read. I really want to read Jane Eyre. Hell with it, that's what I'm going to read now. I have no clue what the book is about, because I didn't read the blip they have about every book you download that tells you the premise of the book. I've no idea where it is set, or what language it was originally written in.

Sorry to bore you guys who come here to read about how much I hate myself and want to die, and my drug use. Those things don't really interest much right now. I don't know if it’s that I've written about it too much and am just sick of it, or if I've changed in some way, and those things don't have a place in my life anymore, and therefore are not interesting to me. If someone told me right now that I had to write about hating myself and drugs I would struggle. When I write I have to have some emotion fueling me. Perhaps now that I'm on MMT and at a stable dose my emotions are being suppressed just as heroin/opiates suppress emotions. There is a huge emotion fueling me to write about books, and authors right now. The thing is I promised myself I would not blog about it until everything has been ironed out, and it either happens or falls through. No, it has nothing to do with moving into that house. Although it is giving a reason for my parents to rethink buying that house. Titillating huh. LOL.

In other news, I'm taking two classes at the local technical college. Both math classes, I bet you’re surprised that I'm taking math and not composition or lit, or something to do with my interests. I have my reasons. I'm doing what is called a condensed course, which means I will be finished with both classes in just over a month, instead of taking a full semester to finish. The catch, I have to go to the technical school every weekday for 8 hours, 4 hours per class. A plus, I get a private tutor, who will be available to me every day except Sundays. This tutor will even be in the class with me, and if I wish will take notes for me, or make sure I'm getting all the notes, and the important notes. Although I don't know how much note taking you do in a math class.

You’re wondering why I get a private tutor at my disposal everyday all day for free. It just so happens I have a learning disability in mathematics, and it was in my high school transcripts that I sent in. I had no idea how much colleges are willing to cater to students with learning disabilities. I get to take as much time as I need on any test or quiz I'm given. There are a few other perks, but those are the big ones. In high school I was able to graduate without taking these classes because I had the learning disability. I should have just taken them anyway, and I wouldn't have to be doing it now, 11 years after I graduated high school.

There is a catch to all this and it has to do with money. I'm looking into that, in depth. This all started on a lark because I was bored. I never even imagined anything would come from it. I thought the experience and the writing involved would be a challenge, and a chance to learn something. I didn't even think about it after I did it until yesterday when I was reminded.

Needless to say, when everything is figured out, I will explain everything, and don't worry those of you out there that doubt everything I say, I will have photos to prove everything.

Different subject, I have this post I'm working on that is all about my experiences as a person with Bi Polar disorder. I want it to be really good, because Gledwood asked me to write about this subject many times, and I never really have gone in depth about it.


Ashlyn O'Brien said...

Hey AnnaGrace! I have been reading your blog for about 4 days now from the beginning. I just wanted to say i think you are Amazing and Beautiful! We have many things in common and would love to chat. You are a talented writer. I followed you on google + please send a message. I think we could have alot to talk about.

Ashlyn O'Brien said...

Hey AnnaGrace! I have been reading your blog for about 4 days now from the beginning. I just wanted to say i think you are Amazing and Beautiful! We have many things in common and would love to chat. You are a talented writer. I followed you on google + please send a message. I think we could have alot to talk about.

Carrion Doll said...

Math sux! I am sooo bad at it. Good luck! I am so happy to see you are in school. I hated school when I was younger but I loved when I was in school to become a vet tech. Because it was something that really interested me, that I was good at and I loved. I would love to go back to school again someday even though I am closing in on 40 (ugh!!). Never too old to learn though.

I would also love for you to post about your experience with BP. I struggle with borderline and avoidant personality disorder myself. I haven't had any treatment for sometime but have been looking into DBT. Especially because it comes from Buddhist meditation practices. Right up my alley. I don't use google + much because I don't know alot of people who are on it yet but I would love to add you if that's ok. Since we don't have the underground anymore.

Ashlyn O'Brien said...

YAY I do not come here to read about how u hate yourself. I am proud of you. self love positive self talk is where its at! xxxooo keep up the great work and WOOOHOOO for going to school! :)

Gledwood said...

If you're going to read Tolstoy, Anna Karenina is much better than War and Peace. Go for that. You might even be able to download it free online (but beware it's HUGE). When I first read it I remember thinking it was a Victorian, Russian, literary version of Dallas...

I've never read Junky, is it as the title suggests, all about heroin use? Naked Lunch was a bit too surreal for my taste. And I only watched the film!!

You're doing TWO courses in MATHS..? Wow Baby, surreal...

Anna Young said...

Anna Karnina is my favorite book. Do you read my blog at all. Lol. I've mentioned it like 20 times since I read it a few months ago. I bought War and Peace by Toltstoy because I love Karinina.

xx Gleds

jade said...

I'm with you about that film Gleds! I had no clue WHAT THE HELL was going on that whole movie! much like David Lyinch (sp?) movie Eraserhead!

Anna Young said...

HI Jade, nice to meet you. I'm so glad to have a new commenter who isn't an idiot stalker, like that my crazed stalker. If you were to start a blog, get a stat counter. and take away their power.

About Naked Lunch, I never knew there was a movie. I bet some director read the book, and saw how avant garde it is, love to see the movie though, see how the director made a book, that isn't a novel, bio, or poetry, and is a novel, bio, poetry all at the same time into a movie. Who wrote the script for that movie?

To anon, I know about ISP spoofing sites, and they are simple to get around. It just takes a little more time. I highly doubt your using an ISP spoofing site. Really anon, please call OFPD on me. Do it.I'm daring you, triple dog dareing you. Please, please call the cops on me. Allthe information I have on you is completly legal. I said it was possiable to do those things, but I didn't need to. Go back and read the comment. Your just pissed that we've figured out. Hey I may not be that good of a hacker or even a hacker at all, but other people who have your IP address might be.
There is no reason I should not be so open about who I am, and my life. It's people like you who make it unsafe. I'm not scared that your going to call the cops, or if you do. I'm scared your going to try to kill me. You are that crazy. Too bad I didn't get time to make that video to post on my blog today of your comments, and how silly they are.
The fact that you know my mom's name, and my name doesn't bother me in the least. Its in my book. Hey, tell me where I live? What is my IP address? How many diffrent devices do I use? What wifi service do I have. What's my Social? Go ahead tell me those things.
I so want you to call the cops, because you'd have to give up your identy to me, and we all know you want to stay anonymous. I can't wait to see your fb page. Which is public information, as is your email address. You opened yourself up to all this by leaving comments. Anonymous or not. On the internet there is no anonimty. Go to an IPS spoofing site, and leave me a comment. I bet you a million dollars I'll still find you.
I'm also willing to bet, you have something to hide. Why would you keep yourself anonymous, and then read a blog everyday for hours on end, and leave idiotic comments?

I though to myself today, Anna, your just egging this pathetic loser on, just don't comment back to his unpublished comments. I then thought, this is so funny. I'm having fun. I've nothing to hide, I've done nothing illegal, play with him. So keep your threats comming. Keep commenting anon on all these blogs. You know what, if you actually commented with your name it would be less fun. Then I could track you easily. Even if you use a fake name, and a spoof IPS, and you made up an email and facebook account under those fake names, its still possiable to track you. Just takes more time. You can't hide as long as you are online. Unless your a super hacker, and spend tons of money. If you do that, then you defenatly have something to hide. Some secret you don't want us bloggers to know about. Just call the cops, and make it easy for me to find out who you really are. Once I find out, the funs over, and leave you could comment all you wanted. I won't publish them. I won't egg you on. You're NOTHING to me. NOTHING! Remeber you started this. Brought it on yourself.You should have just moved on with your life when you found my blog instead of obsessing over it.
I know I'm crazy, but what's true crazy is someone who is crazy and doesn't know it. YOU!
All my love
Anna Grace Young

Anna Young said...

For other people reading my comments to someone who is invisiable to the rest of you, I'm so sorry. I just have to keep baiting him. To all those people out there that have been getting anonymous comments that are rude, and sometimes downright cruel...don't think its a bunch of different people. It usually one or maybe two.
I once stopped blogging on blogger because I thought all these different people hated me. Turns out it was three diffrent people.
To the anonymous people who don't leave rude comments for the sake of making yourself feel better about yourself. This does not apply. I enjoy constructive critisim. BMelonsandlemonade was very helpfull to me, and because of her comments I'm a better writer than I was.
These comments to a ghost will stop soon. I'm videoing myself reading all the comments this one commenter has left me and posting them on my blog with my commentary on the comments. It'll be funny I hope.

Anna Young said...

Hey Doll,
I'm so happy you're back. It does suck that the junky underground is gone. I wonder what happened to those photos I had posted? I had on off a baggie of black tar h I bought that I wish I could get back and post on here for the peeps who always say I've never used heroin.
Math does suck, and I have to get a B- or higher to pass. I'm scared because if I pass I might be able to better my life and achieve a life long dream.
40 is not old, but I know getting older makes you feel like it's too late to achieve your dreams. I'll be.30 next year, and there is so much I still want to achieve.
I don't have kids, so thats good, but I worry that someday I'll want kids and it'll be too late. With kids it's still possible to achieve dreams, it's just harder. (thats what she said) haha.

Anna Young said...

I'm so glad you found me. If you go to fb and private message me, we can IM and talk more.
I'll email you with a link to my fb page. Although all you have to do is ask my stalkers for my fb info. Lol.

I'm gonna look for your blog when I get back from the clinic this morning.

Bev said...

Good for you!Learning and a bright future is terrific.I bet your tutor is handsome;-)

Gledwood said...

Are you doing the SAT equivalency thing? I don't know what it is called. Here if you wanted to get your school certificates you'd either take the same exams again, or do some college course that is considered equal or slightly higher ~ usually people go for something like business studies.

Please get that bipolar post out soon. I'm surprised you don't post more about that as bipolar is as outlandish to many people as drugs are to them... something that never touched their life and they cannot relate to. It needs someone like you to explain it, Baby.

Gledwood said...


Are you doing the SAT equivalency thing for adult learners?

Here you either go back and do the same exams you would have done at school (GCSE) or a lot of people go to college to get something of equal or higher value. Business studies is especially popular and useful.

As for the bipolar, please get posting. I'm surprised you don't post about that subject more, considering how outlandish bipolar experiences are to most of the population. Bipolar is as far out as drugs, if not more so. Many people cannot relate psychosis to their lives at all. And that's why we need you.
The world needs someone like you to take Bipolar to the masses...

Anna Young said...

Thanks Ashley,
I'm really sick of writing about crap I want to put behind me. Although sometimes I'll write about things that happened in my past, and I'll somehow end up on the subject of my sister passing away. I always get flack from asshole or another about it, or someone will say I tell a different story everytime.
I get stuck on the subject so much because it was and is the single most defining moment/moments of my life. Before that it was my paternal Grandmother dieing and my Grandfather committing suicide two months later and the next day watching my father attempt suicide.
I'm so sorry my personal tragities don't live up to some readers expectations, or that I don't write the story from the same perspective everytime. There are many things that happened in a matter of minutes, so remembering each detail exactly is a bit difficult. Each time I write about the event emotions come flooding back, and with each emotion a new detail will emerge. Look into how the human brain stores and recovers memories. We remember things more distinctly when there is emotion. The stronger thee emotion the more clear the memory. When experiencing many emotions at one time for a long period of time say 24 hours, the memories tend to get jumbled. Its only when experiencing those emotions again those jumbled memories come flooding back.

Again I went on a rant that had nothing to do with the comment. Anyway I see that you read my blogs from beginning to present. I wonder after you read the first time I wrote about Angie's death, did you not read or skim through the other posts when I mean to just mention it and end up going in depth about it?
Also how many posts did you just skim? I know everyone skims until the interesting parts. I know I do it alot. Expesially when I'm reading a blog from the start. Very few have I read almost every post closely.

Okay thats enough.

Anna Young said...

For, four year colleges and technical schools you've enrolled in full time you have to take your ACT's and/or SAT's to get in. Even if you took them back in senior year of high school. If you didn't go to college after high school and graduate with a degree, and later on you want to go to college you have to retake the tests and you have to give them the results of your past ACT/SAT scores.

Since I'm not enrolled in NWTC as a full time or even part time student I wouldn't have to re take the tests. I'm not considered a student in traditional sense of the word, and am instead taking elective classes. I don't know if you have technical colleges in the U.K., but here we do. At these schools you can just take any class they offer as long as you pay for it. Like those condensed math courses I was going to take, anyone can take the class, and there is no need for ACT/SAT's or even your high school transcripts.
Now that I'm taking the full version of the math classes I have to take to get into a four year school or even a 2 year scool for an asscosiates degree. I've decided to take two more classes along with the two math classes. I've already taken a composition class and a lit class at NWTC two years ago (go back to posts to read the stuff I mentioned about the classes) so I haven't decided exactly which two other classes I'm going to take with the math classes yet. I have until August 6th to pick from the classes that still have openings.

There is more to this, and I'll email you (Gledwood) to explain everything. I don't want to post it here yet until have more photo evidence than just the packet of papers I have now, that I know everyone will think I made up like they did even after I posted a photo of me holding my methadone. Pisses me off, but I brought it on myself so I'm more mad at me than the anonymous fucks. Right now I don't want a bunch of people I don't know and don't really care about poo pooing something I can actually be proud of a and excited about.
Even though it didn't happen as planned.

Again way too in depth.

Anna Young said...

I don't post about being bo polar more often...
A few reasons. One is because the emotions that come with the memories are often very unpleasant. Even manic episodes where I'm elevated and elated in almost everyway, with that I have to remember the consequences that came with the things I did while manic.
Two, the fact that I have pcsyhcotic episodes is embarrassing. If people knew what its like inside a pscyhcotic mind they may never see me the same way. Some sick things go on in a pscyhcotic brain.
Three, I find a lot of the way it feels to have bi polar disorder is ineffable. (at least for me and my limited ability to articulate)
Those are the three big reasons I don't write about it here in public. I do write about it in my personal journals. Which I've been referring to while writing this essay/blog post.