Sunday, July 8, 2012

Haveing a job is an honerable way to live

Another part of the post about life passing me by has been stuck in my mind. In the post I slagged on people who work for a living at jobs they hate, and I said the only interesting thing most people will do is have children. I slighted people who stayed in their hometowns after high school, or college.

I have friends from high school, some of whom stayed in Oconto Falls WI or within 20 to 30 miles. I have friends whom have moved far, far away from Oconto Falls, and married people they met in college, not someone they have known since childhood. Some of them work at super cool jobs they love, some work at job they "don't mind" to support themselves and/or families. My best friend moved to the largest city in Wisconsin, where she went to college, and she married a man she only knew since she was an adult. She works at an awesome job she loves; she has a house...a really nice house. She dresses to the nines, and a body to die for. She is literally the nicest person you will ever meet. When I picked a best friend in 3rd grade I picked well. Actually she picked me. It’s a cute story, but it has nothing to do with this posts theme. My best friend’s sister moved to San Francisco, and then to Seattle where she now lives with her husband and two small sons. I envy both of their lives. I envy them for having each other. I could go into my sister here, but again nothing to do with the theme.

I bragged in that post how I've lived in so many different states, and cities. How I've been homeless, and had to dance topless to get out of the situation I was in. I bragged how I became addicted to heroin, and had sex for money. I said something to the effect, that if everyone had the luxury I have to not have to work, they too would have interesting lives too. Not implying that people with jobs don't have interesting lives, I stated it as if it were a fact. I also said, after having kids their lives become dull.

Really what I said was majority of American lives suck. I took a deep look inside myself, and at my life. I came to the realization that having a job makes life more interesting. You get to meet all kinds of new people, and make friends with new people. You also have a feeling of self-worth, and that full filling feeling of accomplishing something every day. Making a difference in some way to the world is it big or small.

Just because these people took the road most traveled doesn't make them less interesting or unimportant. They don't have messed up thought processes. They realized become a drug addict would eventually destroy your life. No matter how fun getting high on hard drugs can be, it can also turn into a monkey on your back. A lot of my high school friends smoke pot, and drink. We all need to escape somehow from something, sometime. Smoking pot is no longer the taboo it once was. Still parents don't tell other people that they still toke up.

People move away from home, and find themselves during their early 20's. Some find that they are meant to stay away from their one time home town. Others find they are happier close to town, their home their families. I've been out on my own without my parents, and I got myself wrapped up in drugs, and legal troubles. To the point I either had to go back to my parents. The only reason I didn't move back to my hometown, is because my parents no longer lived in my hometown. I was lucky in that I got to travel for free with my mom, and my mom and dad.

My mom and dad worked their adult lives at jobs they didn't love because they loved my sister and me. They wanted to give us everything we needed, and to also be able to give us things we wanted. We have always lived in nice homes. Had nice clothes, and never went hungry. We got a computer in 1995 when AOL was big. The internet was mostly used for porn, and chat rooms, which were used for cybersex.

I said people stay within 20 miles of their home town, even if they leave for a while, they always come back. Take a good look at yourself Anna, you live 30 minutes from your hometown. Just like most people. Although if I had the guts, money, and a real plan I would move far away from here. I've been writing about it since I started journaling, and if you read my blog I've made plan to move hundreds of times, but I haven't done it yet. I have SSI, and I could go back to school for cheap. Instead I take classes here and there in my field of interest.

I've achieved my goal of becoming a heroin addict, and I wrote a book and it was published by a vanity publisher. Not quit what I had wanted, but I accomplished it. Of course if I could take it back, I would totally re write that book, and paid for editing myself, by a free-lance editor. Not just line edit, but a content edit. I can always write another book. I'm learning from my mistakes.

I used to want to get of Methadone so I could go back to using. Thinking I could keep my using under control. STUPID! I tried it, and my life spun out of control in just over six months. It’s taken me a long time to learn from that mistake.

Eventually if I don't die from learning from my mistakes, and I accomplish my goals, I someday would like to have kids. I would like to have a relationship with a woman or a man. I'm not picky, as long as I'm in love, and respect the person. I want a job; I want to be a writer.

Am I just another sheep? I hate to admit these things about myself, but it’s the truth. I have the same hopes and dreams as 90% of the people on Earth, no just America. I've lucked out in some ways. I have awesome parents who love me to death (literally) I have money coming in, I have MMT, and I have life experience. I still have lots of life experiences to live. I'm turning 30 in 2013, who knows what that decade is going to throw at me.


Gledwood said...

When I was still at school I never ever envisaged a life without work. Then the last job I had I was so cabbaged I could not work. Cabbaged by sickness, not drugs. I didn't take any drugs during that period and only got on heroin aged 28, which was some years later. I tried 2 degree courses but had to drop out of both. In fact everything in my life is a total fucking failure.

Bev said...

I remember the chat rooms in 90s.Some times just glued to my seat typing to ppl.Was fun!

Carrion Doll said...

Don't feel too bad. I'm 36 and am just now getting my shit straight. Started suboxne in December. One of the few good decisions I have ever made. We all have dreams. At least you accomplished one. You stuck with it, you did it, no matter what the results. You learned what you can do to make it even better next time. It's not the mistakes we make, but what we do to learn from them and do better next time that truly says what kind of people we are. I envy the courage you had to do what it took to get your book out there.

Your not just another sheep, you've lived to hard and seen too much to be that. Just as I have. Maybe we have some sheepishness (lol) in us, but we aren't like most of the mindless followers out there. Our hard living wasn't all for nothing. Sometimes it was stupid, we have done some really stupid shit (well at least I have, I don't like to speak for others) but we have taken a wealth of experience from it. Most of it I would never want to trade for so called blissful ignorance.

jade said...

no need to be so hard on yourself. Yes I'm one of those people who live in my hometown, have three kids and a shitty job but these things really don't bother me nor does your criticism of people like me. I've lived pretty wild and carefree in my life BC (before children lol) back then I would quit a job at the drop of a hat just to attend a concert or whatever. I do miss those days at times but when I find myself going on about the ol days I'm rightfully mortified that I've turned into one of "those people" who look back on there teens and twentys as the best parts of life and promptly stop! YUCK !! I swear I was going to make a point with all this but for the life of me can't remember what it was now. Anyway I admire you for sticking to your convictions , not settleing for anything less, aiming for your dreams and for speaking your mind no matter how un PC they are! I think one of the reasons I enjoy your blog so much is because its nice to forget my life for awhile and read about someone who is free to do what she pleases reading and writing all day if you so choose. so keep it up, I for one enjoy hearing about movies you've watched or books you've read as well as your issues with methadone and BP.
WOW this comment is very long, i guess I'm getting the hang of this commenting thing allright! lol