Monday, July 16, 2012

Sleeping like the dead


I don't know if this is a good or bad thing, but all weekend I slept. From the time I got back from the methadone clinic in the morning on Saturday, to the time I had to go to the methadone clinic this morning. I woke up here and there, but for no longer than two hours at a time. I didn’t even watch True Blood last night. Luckily I DVRed it, and watched this morning after my daily hour of the Today Show to catch up on current events. I slept the sleep of the dead. I probably only smoked 10 cigarettes the whole weekend. If that, it was probably less. My parents were worried about me, and then started yelling at me for going up on my methadone dose a whole 5mgs. I don't think the reason I slept so much was due to going up 5mgs on my dose. I think it had more to do with not taking any Adderall the whole weekend including Friday. I had been taking my Adderall every day for a while now, and it keeps interrupted my sleeping patterns. Plus on the medication I'm always doing something. If I'm not reading or writing, I'm up and about. Going to see old friends, (non using) cleaning, gardening, helping my mom with cooking and shopping, hanging out with my cousins and their kids, or tracking down people via the Internet.

I had promised to post a video of the comments I've been getting from IP with running commentary on these comments by me. Some of the stuff this person writes is downright crazy. He's so pissed that I've been tracking him. I think I may finally be rid of him, I checked to see if he read my blog over the weekend and not a sign of his IP address. Anyway, when I can get someone to hold the camera I'll make the video. If by then it has become irrelevant here on my blog, I'll post up on I've never posted a video on YouTube. It should be a fun learning experience. Although now I know what one can do with just an IP address, I've decided to by some new software for my computers. I'm going to buy more spyware for sure.

As far as reading, I did non all weekend. I wrote a total of 8 sentences in my journal noting how many hours I slept on both Saturday, and Sunday, and my speculations as to why I was sleeping so much. I haven't done any reading today either. I just caught up on some blogs on my phone this morning while watching the Today Show. There is really only one blog that I read every day...Gledwood4's. Other than that some I catch up once a week, some once a month, and the rest every 3 to 6 months. Some bloggers don't post as often as I do. Actually most of the bloggers I follow don't post on daily or even weekly basis.

I've gotten my NOOK out, and charged up, and pulled up Jane Eyre start reading as soon as I get my shit together. Hopefully tonight I'll get some reading in. I still have to take a shower, and straighten my hair, dust my room, vacuum, run the dishes through the dishwasher, and do a couple loads of laundry.

My mom is busy today with some kind of church fair, and she'll be doing that all week. She's in charge of baking the treats, and teaching the kids about how food relates to Jesus. How food relates to Jesus, I have no idea. She's probably going to tell the story of Jesus turning water to wine and something with fish and bread. Man, I'm bad at this religion/theology stuff. I even went to Catholic school all throughout elementary school. It's just recently that my mom has gotten back into the Catholic Church. She goes to mass every Sunday, and is in the choir. She's has choir practice every Thursday, and after choir practice she goes to some sort of bible study.

Since I was a small child my mom has gone through her various religious fazes. The worst of which was The Pentecostal church. She made me and my sister go with her every Wednesday and Sunday. While church was going on all the kids went to the basement and had kiddie church. We saw people speaking in tongues, and women who were being beat, but the pastor would tell them to stay and work it out. Divorce is a sin...blah blah blah. It just so happens that my babysitter who shot himself in front of me and Angie, and his own son was one of husbands who beat his wife. She was leaving him and the church. So he decided he'd blow his head off in the garage with the door open while we kids were playing on the snow bank right in front of the door. That craziness all ended after my paternal grandparents died, and we started Catholic school. She then got back into the Catholic Church. She was even my CCD teacher one year. The year before my confirmation I was thrown out of CCD for misbehaving. My mom was pissed. Not at me, but at the church for giving up on a child. So she started reading books on witches. Soon she was a Wiccan and that lasted a long time. Pretty much my entire adult life. Now she's turned back to the Catholic Church. I pretty sure it’s to appease her mother. They've always had a strained relationship. Now that Grandma Grace is getting up there in age, mom wants to put all that bad blood to rest. I don't mind as long as she doesn't push it on me. As long as she's happy I'm happy for her. She seems to be very happy.

Oh yes, I got a comment from someone who didn't follow me when I switched blogs, and doesn't know that I wasn't living in Hawaii for those weeks I lied and said I was living there. I lied even to my family and friends. Only very close family knew I wasn't in Hawaii. My Grandma thought I lived in Hawaii even. Some family still does not know that I'm not living in Hawaii right now. I've blocked them from my Facebook, so they never seen my status updates that have the area I'm updating from. Oh well. I don't really like them. Don't get me wrong I love them. After all they are family, it’s just we have zero in common.

On Friday I learned that there is no need for me to take the condensed math courses, instead I'll being taking them normally. Turns out that even if I took the condensed classes I wouldn't be finished in time to be where I need to be. I wouldn't have the money together by the time it has to be paid. Even if the condensed course did finish in time, and I had all the money sorted out, my life would be in an upheaval for the next couple of months. Running here and there and it’s a pretty far distance to being running back and forth in such a short span of time. I'm disappointed that everything didn't work out. There is an upside to this though. I can take a few other classes along with the two math classes. I start September 3rd. I have to be registered by August 6th. After the semester is over I will hopefully have the money issue sorted out, and will be able to go on with the plan that crashed and burned this time. The reason I didn't take my pills all weekend is because I was pretty depressed about everything, and I just wanted to forget it ever happened. Doesn’t it always seem like when you let yourself believe something good is going to happen it ends up not happening, and when you’re sure it will not work out, it ends up working out. It’s always like that for me. I've been aware of this letting you believe, and not letting yourself believe thing. So I try to counter act it, by making myself feel like nothing will ever work out. When I'm aware of it, it doesn't work. This time I didn't even have time to think about my counteraction measures, and let myself believe without even thinking of the adverse effects of letting myself believe. Although when the opposite happens, it ends up working out. I always have to be unaware of it for it to work out this way. I didn't explain that last part well, did I? I'm probably the only one that this happens to.

My poor Eleanor has this lump on her boob, and we took her into the vet to biopsy it. It is benign aka non-cancerous. Although she has enlarged lymph nodes, and a lot of white blood cells, which is an indicator for cancer. The vet wants to do a whole battery of tests, and it costs a fortune. So with me taking classes this fall, and Elle getting a bunch of tests, money is low. Her back leg is much better; she's no longer limps badly. I mean she’s always had a limp, but that's because she was born with her left legs knee fused together. So she can't bend it very much. She sits differently than most dogs, with that leg hanging out.

Fuck I have to stop writing; my fucking dad is drinking and slurping. I want to slit his fucking throat. Put a fucking ice cube in it if it’s too hot. IDIOT. I sill hate anonymous more!!!!


Anonymous said...

Omg I hate hearing people eat or drink. Fucking gues through me. I just go from being calm to crazy in a second, it's getting to the point that u don't trust myself to not punch them in the face, I actually have to leave the room. I'm so irrational with it haha

Anna Young said...

I over react to people eating. My parents get pissed at me for always yelling at them about it, especially when they are eating in the living room while I'm in there. They feel like I'm hampering their freedom in their own home. Then a huge fight erupts about how I pay rent and my own food, and I like a civilized human eat in the dinning room or kitchen. Sure I have a snack in the living room when no-one else is in their. All I'm fucking asking is they eat in designated eating space. Seriously my dad eats in the living room ALL the time, and I'm forced to leave the room or risk a blow out fight.

Just thinking about this is getting me pissed. The really funny thing is my dad hates the sound of people eating too. Yet...

The bright side my parents are buying a house big enough that this should not be a huge problem any longer.

Anna Young said...


It's else to trace you through your IP to see inside your computer aka hacking. Traceing an IP to public info is completely legal. How do you think spam works. Turns out yet again you proved yourself a huge IDIOT with no life. Man and to think I had ridded myself of you. Yet another example of how letting myself believe something good could happen.

Btw, I no longer need to bait your stupid ass, and don't have to leave ghost comments. Now you just have to wait for your picture to be posted every where (except my blog) with links to it one my blog.

So keep up your uninformed comments. I will not be responding. I know this will aggravate you even further. Silly idiot.

Carrion Doll said...

"Doesn’t it always seem like when you let yourself believe something good is going to happen it ends up not happening, and when you’re sure it will not work out, it ends up working out. It’s always like that for me."

It's exactly the same way for me. I never let myself believe anything will work out either. I can be kinda superstitious that way though. I swear to the gods that murphys law is out to get me, hardcore. lol.

Anna Young said...

Murphy's law, that can go wrong will go wrong. It's a lot like murphy's law, but I have to believe its going to go perfectly for it to go wrong, if from the start I think there isn't a chance in hell it will go perfectly it will go perfectly. So I try to always make myself believe everything will go wrong and nothing good will ever happen to me to circumvent murphy's law. When I do that the odds are it will go wrong even though I made told myself it will, which should have circumvented Murphy's law.
I've also tried the opposite and consciously let myself believe everything will work just right. Still the odds are it won't workout.
It HAS to be an unconscious believe, and I can't mess with it.
Now that I've put this all down in words on this voodoo screen it sounds ridiculous. Obviously the chances are 50/50 no matter what I think consciously our unconsciously.

Man, it seems to me like I'm always writing friggen essays for comments.

Gledwood said...

I sleep like it's a bloody disease. Up to 17 hours a day, some days... And STILL I sometimes wanna sleep more...

I hope Eleanor Rigby is OK.
I had a lump on MY breast. I still haven't been to the follow up appointment with the consultant so I take it it's benign. In fact I'm pretty sure it had something to do with that risperidone, the antipsychotic I was on for a year... The dr said it might not have to be removed. Yeah, we'll see about that (not if I have anything to do with it~!!)

I'm eagerly awaiting that bipolar post.
Have you ever had psychotic depression by the way or jus psychotic mania? Some people apparently get both, but others are only psychotic in the manic episode so I hear. I read a really good book on the condition published around 1920 called Manic Depressive Insanity and Paranoia by Emil Kraepelin. You can get a free download online...