Yep, Prozac made me more depressed than I had been before I was put in the hospital. Back then it was "the wonder drug". Looking back from 95 to 2004 everyone was either on or had been on Prozac. Now they would have never put me on it when I was 13 because it makes teens more suicidal.
(I'm trying to remember everything you wrote, and answer all the questions)
That's funny you thought I meant bicycling when I would write cycling. Hahah!! I picked up from my doctors asking me every time I saw one if I had cycled or felt I was cycling now. Dr. lingo...
Hmmm, writing about my mental illness in my book. I know I only hinted at my Bi Polar in the book. You told me when you read the book before it was published I should re write and add more mental illness stuff in there. I guess, I just really had a stiff idea of what I wanted my book to be about. Plus I didn't want to put so much effort into it. Typical lazy apathetic Anna Grace. If I could re write the book now, it would be 90% different.
When I sent my book into the vanity press and I filled out the info about who I wanted to dedicate my book to, what name did I want to use etc, I put Anna Grace Young, yet they put Anna Young on the book. I didn't bother to call and complain, they didn't put the dedications in the book either. I figure fuck it, I'll use Anna Grace for my next book. I've changed my Facebook to Anna Grace Young, and my Twitter. I'd rather not be associated with my first book...unless my second is just as bad.
As far as your question, "Can I tell if I'm cycling into a mania", hell yes. I feel electricity buzzing through my body, I cannot sleep, I start to talk way too much and about anything that pops into my head. I also tend to get a craving for toothpaste and will start to eat it. I can't really tell if I'm hypo manic, because I just feel good, and want to think that's how I should normally feel. Not just flat, not depressed, not happy just existing. I would say I'm hypo manic often. When I stop sleeping, by the second night I know its time to call the doctor. If I keep taking my medications while I start going into a full blown mania I reach the peak by day four and feel better than any drug could make me feel. Very close to smoking crack, but you don't have to hit the pipe every five minutes to feel it. If I decide I want to stay feeling good, and go off my meds when I start to go manic I still peak around day four, but I don't come down on day six, I stay up for as long as 7days after the peak, so I'm manic for up to 12 days. I've been severely depressed for months at a time, but not manic for months. Hypo manic maybe, but not full on mania. Of course I like the manias, but I know the crash is coming eventually, and I know how bad I'll feel. So there is a lot of anxiety when I'm manic. I've only gone off my rocker really bad 4 times including my first in high school.
Crystal Meth compared to shooting coke...well it feels very similar imo, but the crystal meth last longer and you don't need to keep shooting up every five minutes or smoke every five minutes. It last longer and is cheaper. If crystal meth didn't do so much damage to your appearance I'd probably rather do crystal meth over coke. Just because its cheaper, and nearly the same feeling. Crystal Meth addicts will probably disagree. Ice heads are hard core about their drug. Its not very common here in Wisconsin, but when I was in Hawaii it was everywhere. The tweekers hung out on one street and two streets away were the crackheads, and in the Fort St. outside mall about two streets from the crackheads, was were the junkys congregated. All in Chinatown.
I wonder if your mania will last long, or if it will be a rapid cycle? As far as I know you've had only one mania that lasted more than three days right? The first one? Ever since then you've been cycling pretty rapidly. Almost daily or even hourly right? I've had that, but it was more, hypo mania or just feeling good to *boom* *smash* I want to die.
I've been in a mixed state lately. Ever since I got sick with strep throat I've been feeling doom and gloom, but can't sleep for shit. So today my Dr. upped my clonazepam from 2 a day to 4 a day, but only until I'm feeling more normal and am sleeping better, he also took me off the Adderall. So tomorrow I'll probably be sleeping....which will probably cause me to fall into a depression and sleep constantly...miss my Dr. appointment and bloody hell screw everything in my life up. I wish sometimes the doctor would just let me alone, and leave me work through it by myself with counseling every other day or something to make sure I'm not getting too out of control.
On average Bi Polar suffers, suffer 10 years before diagnosis. I got lucky and was seeing a shrink since I was 13. Still I suffered and still suffer because I've never found the perfect medication therapy...yet. I'm hopeful. Getting my bi polar under control would be a fucking dream.