I can't find my essay on bi polar anywhere on my computer. I looked to see if I deleted it accidentally and I didn't. I'm sorry you only got to read the beginning on my ride with bi polar. If I ever find it, I'll be sure to post the whole thing in its entirety. I'm also sorry for neglecting my readers for so long. Not writing any posts not even updates. I have no excuses, I've been on the Internet, and even set up a page for my book. I've let the cat out of the bag that I've been working on my second book. A novel, a fictionalized account of my youth. I'm not very far, about 35 pages in. That's with large text. At least this time I am writing on Microsoft Word, and not Microsoft Works. It helps to have the help with my grammar. Although I think a lot of people would be surprised at how much better my grammar has gotten since I wrote my first book, syntax too.
Onto other news. Now days I'm super anti-drug. I don't push it on other people, if someone is using I just tell them about treatments available to them. On the other hand I'm more aware of the shit that goes on outside the Methadone clinic. Idiots can't even drive down the road a little ways and sell and buy their drugs. They do it all right there in the parking lot. People like that are what give the Methadone clinic a bad name. The gas station across the street doesn't like when we (the methadone clients) come in the store, or even the parking lot. Now in the morning they have a cop patrolling that area. What is wrong with going down the road to the mall where there are tons of cars, and nobody would notice if you pulled up to someone and jumped in their car. Seriously the mall is maybe two miles up the road...if that. That's why my dealer always did. My heroin dealer, I never bought or sold anything at the methadone clinic in Green Bay. Hawaii is a different story. It was right next to Best Buy and the parking lot was always packed there, so I'd often buy Xanax right there outside the clinic. Hawaii was a lot different scenario and people didn't judge us. Homeless lived all around there, and a lot of the homeless who lived near the clinic were clients who slept there so they could be close to the clinic in the morning so not to miss dosing hours. I'm trying to minimize what I did, it was wrong. I should have not bought drugs near the Methadone clinic. Here in Green Bay the clinic is super strict, but in Hawaii it was all "cool". I'd pop positive for benzo's and I'd tell my councilor I had a script to Clonazepam. She never once asked me to bring in proof. The only thing they really gave a fuck about was opiates, coke, and ice. They didn't even talk about weed as a drug, it was like smoking cigarettes. They expected you to smoke it. It makes me sick so I can't use weed. I do like shrooms and LSD as well as E. I would love to take all three at the same time. Has anyone reading this ever done that? If so please tell me what it was like.
My mood has plummeted from mixed to just depressed. I think it has to do with the extra Clonazepam. I even stopped taking them in the A.M. and I'm still sleeping all the time. I can lie my head down right now and fall asleep in seconds. I got back on my thyroid medication. I had to for the clinic. They took my blood and my levels are high, and I told them it’s because of the Clonazepam, but they just assume I'm taking extra off the street. Now I proved it could be due to my thyroid, and they are going to test again two months from now after I've been on the medication for enough time to let it work. I'm also on Abilify again 10mgs and Welburtin 450mgs. I take these during the day, as they are supposedly meds that keep you awake, but they were making me too sleepy, so I am now taking them at night as well as my Clonazepam. Just to be clear, I'm not taking 4mgs of Clonazepam at night, I'm only taking the 2mgs I'm supposed to. I might even cut it down to one if this mega sleep doesn't stop. Don't get me wrong I love sleeping, but not during the day. I feel like I've wasted my life away that day. I can sleep all day, and sleep all night no problem. I'd say 20 hours a day is not unusual for me.
I gots to go. I'm falling asleep writing this. You know what sucks the most, I can't read, and I've nothing to journal about.