Counter-indicated medications and other stuff

I know a blog post is fucking boring when I the author of the post can't even go back read it after a few days of not looking at my blog. Not to mention only 14 people, 13 minus myself have read it, and its been up almost a full week. I don't even know what to write about now, but I'll try to make it less boring.

Today I saw my Psychiatrist and he increased my dose of Adderall from 10mgs three times daily to 30mgs twice a day. Which is no big deal, I've been taking my 10mgs pills, three times daily all at once in the morning. Some days I take my full dose in the morning, and around noon I take two more pills. So that's 50mgs total. So the increase is really only 10mgs.

I recently had my yearly physical at the Methadone clinic with Dr. Speigal. I gave him the list of my medications, and he told me told me to download Epocrates app to my phone. So I did as he told me, and while it was downloading he did my physical and the nurse took my blood. When it was downloaded, he told me to open it and put all medications and dosages into the program. I did as he asked, When I did this big red alert was on my screen. Turns out this app is to check medicine and counter-indications, it also has the ability to  identify pills.

Turns out almost all my medications are counter-indicated  Methadone and Clonazepam as we junkies know are not suppose to be taken together because it intensifies the effects of the Methadone and can cause respiratory distress. Clonazepam and Adderall with Methadone can cause heart problems, addiction, and in people with bi polar it can cause sever mania and possible psychotic break.  My three anti-depressants and my sleeping pill can cause a serotonin storm (I don't know what that is) and can cause sever mania and psychotic breaks in patients with Bi Polar.  Lamical my mood stabilizer with Methadone and Clonazepam can cause sedation and respiratory distress. Lamical is used for epileptic seizures, and is the only medication with no counter-indications.  The Doctor at the Methadone clinic advised I get off Clonazepam, Adderall, and my sleeping pill. He then had me put in just my non addictive medications, and wah-lah no counter-indications showed up. He then instructed me to show my Psychiatrist this app with all my prescribed meds in it. To show him he's doing his job wrong. I knew if I did that my Psych. Dr. would be pissed off.

Ha, like was going to do that. First of all the Methadone clinic just doesn't want me to be on any addictive medications. I've been on these meds forever and in the combination and doses I'm at right now has kept me the most stable I've ever been, and the least depressed I've been, and least numb I've been.

I forgot to mention my family doctor prescribed me Colonidine for my excessive sweating of head and face. That Colonidine did cause some horrible side effects, and I ended up stopping taking them within 6 days. First of all when on the Colonidine if I were to sit down or lay down for more than 15 minutes and stand up, I'd almost faint and was really woozy. So I stopped taking them during the day. I started taking them with my night pills, and suddenly I was getting all the affects of being high on heroin without the fucking high! I was nodding out all the time and not noticing. I used to my night meds a hour or two before bed, and with the Colonidine I had to take it within 15 minutes of going to bed. Even then  I started a fire in our living room. I was smoking by our patio with the door open a bit to let the smoke out. This was at 6am after I slept all night and had woken up thinking I was just fine. So I smoke my cigarette, my parents are still asleep, and the Today show wasn't on for an hour, and I don't have to leave for the clinic until 9:30am. I decided I'd try and lay down in my room for an hour until the Today show started. The next thing I remember is my mom waking me up sounding angry, and me telling her I don't have to get up for 35 more minutes  I had slept until 8:30am and I thought I had been asleep for at most 15 minutes. My mom very sternly makes me get up and come to the living room. When I came out of my room I smelled smoke, and saw smoke. When I came into the living room I saw the rug we had in front of the door was burnt and there were no remains and under the rug, our carpet was all burned to the padding. We think the padding is flame retardant  My dad goes on to tell me he woke up around 7am, about an hour after I went back to my room after smoking. When he came out of his room he saw and smelled smoke, then saw flames. He had to use the fire extinguisher to put out the fire. When I smoked my cigarette at 6am I must have nodded out and when I woke up, I must have thought I had put my cigarette out, when really I had dropped it on the rug when I was nodding. That was it for the Colonidine, I emptied the Colonidine into the toilet bowl and flushed them away. Called my Doctor told him what happened, and that the medication didn't help my sweating at all. He made an appointment for me to see him on November 9th, and he will give me a referral to a dermatologist.

As for Eleanor, tomorrow at 7:30am is the big day. She goes in for major surgery to have her mammary gland, tumor, and nipple removed. Then they are going to spay her. So it's considered major surgery. I'm terrified for her. I need everything go perfectly during the surgery. Then in recovery after surgery when she wakes up I don't want her to be in pain. I hope they give her enough pain medication to keep her from suffering in sever pain until she heals. As well as the pain medication they give us to take home, I hope the dose is high enough, and not too high to stop her breathing. She's not going to want to eat for the first couple days, and if they give us pills to give her, how are we going to get them in her? Put it in her mouth and close her mouth and cover her nose until she swallows? Fuck that, how would a human like to be recovering from major surgery and instead of giving them easy to take pills, and instead give them a huge pill that tastes like shit, and then force their mouth shut, and cover their nose so they cannot breath, and hope they don't cheek it, and swallow it.

I'm an IV drug user, my mom is a nurse, we are both familiar with needles and injections. I don't know I would know where to find a vein on a dog, but if the pain med is an IM shot, then hell yes, I know how to do it. Plus I'm sure the Vet can show us how to do it, and to know when we hit muscle not just under the skin on my dog. Universe, if you're listening to my insignificant self about my insignificant life, can you find it in your infinity please make sure my dog Eleanor Rigby be well taken care of, and her surgery goes well, then keep her from too much pain, and please let all the cancer be taken out, and we never have to worry about it again. If you want to give someone cancer, give it to me, and make it painful if have to, just please don't make my dog suffer. 

Eleanor's surgery

I'll start by updating everyone about my dog Eleanor's health status. On October 24th we brought Eleanor to her regular Vet to have the lump/tumor on her mammary gland removed. The Vet examined the lump before the surgery, and she examined Eleanor all over. After the examination the Vet told me and my mom, that she is 95% sure the lump is a cancerous tumor, and it’s not just on under the skin, its down in her mammary gland. She needs the entire mammary gland chain removed. She told us mammary cancer in dogs is usually fast acting and even if we did get surgery her odds are only 50/50 at best. She also said, if we wouldn't have brought her in when we did, that she would have been dead within three months. I thought this was odd, because she is in no pain, and seems to be healthy as a cow. So she scared us shit less and I just lost it. I started crying as soon as she told us the lump most likely is cancer and most likely a fast acting cancer.

  The surgeon at the vet we were at is not board certified. She just does spaying and neutering, and some lump removals. She doesn't take out mammary glands. So she referred us to the Vet Hospital in Appleton WI. We called immediately and got her in for a surgery consult the next morning.

All three of us brought Eleanor to her surgery consult. The vet who specializes in oncology saw us. She did her exam and she told us yes, it is probably cancer, and yes it is in her mammary gland She sugested her mammary gland, lump, and nipple need to be taken out. She said before we spent the money on the surgery we should get x-rays. She told us if the cancer was in her lungs, which is where it usually spreads to first, it would be pointless to have the surgery if it was in her lungs because it’s too far advanced. I asked if it was so far advanced wouldn't she be in pain, or showing signs of illness? She told me this type of cancer it most likely is, is not painful unless she gets lumps on her stomach and it stretches the skin, and become ulcerated. When that happens you would want to put her to sleep. I got mad, and said we would do chemo which we found is available in Madison, and so is radiation treatment, anything to save her life and keep her from being in pain. She explained to me that chemo therapy is hard on dogs, and makes them ill and puts them in pain. So you want to think carefully before you do chemo.

She told us how much it would cost for x-rays to see if there was cancer in her lungs or anywhere else they would be able to see on an x-ray. It was $500.00 and we said of course get the x-rays done. So we went up front to pay for the x-rays, and the vet took Eleanor in for the x-rays. I knew the outcome of these x-rays would tell us if there is anything we can do for her. I went outside and waited in the car. It was pouring rain, and cold. I just sat in the backseat by myself and cried and cried. I think I sat there for an hour. Just as I was about to go back in my mom and dad were coming out with Eleanor. My dad got in the car first and told me the x-rays were clear. The cost of the surgery at the Animal Hospital was between $1500.00 and $2500.00 dollars. My parents are bad with money and even with the $5000.00 dollars a month they are always broke two weeks before the next paycheck.

The night before we went to the Animal Hospital my dad went to the bar (no surprise there) and a man at the bar told him about his dog who had cancer, and the surgery was done by a Veterinarian in Green Bay for more than a third less than Animal hospital charged. So after the Appleton Hospital we drove straight the Vet my dad had heard about just to get a second opinion. I stayed in the car because I thought it was a waste of time and they would be in and out. They ended up being in there almost an hour. When they came out with smiles on their faces. This Vet told them that she sees this in a lot of Yorkie"s, and usually a lot more lumps in the mammary glands. She has done hundreds of mammary gland tumor removals in her time as a Vet. She reminded my parents that there is still a chance it’s not cancer. We have been told they are 95% sure it is cancer, but this vet said she is 90% sure it is cancer, with a 10% chance it’s not cancer and just a blocked milk duct that grew a benign tumor. I don't have my hopes up too high that it isn't cancer. We will find out for sure after the surgery and after it’s been sent into the pathologist to be looked at under a microscope, only then will we know for sure. This Vet is charging only $600.00 dollars for the surgery. Although instead of removing the chain of mammary glands on the side of the tumor, she's only taking out the on mammary gland and nipple with lump, and spay her. She said while she is in there she will look around for other tumors and if she has to she will remove the entire mammary gland chain on that side. This would bring the cost up to $850.00 dollars. She also said that because the tumor is so close (almost on top) of the nipple the odds might even be higher that it’s not cancer, and just a blocked mammary gland. So my parents scheduled the surgery for November 1st of this year. Until then I'm trying to stay positive and not show how stressed I am so Eleanor doesn't pick up the worry we have for her. The say dogs can read body language and tell what our mood is. So only positive, happy energy and lots of love for her. No tears in front of her.

I'm not the praying kind, but right now I'm willing to try anything and I'm praying and wishing she stays healthy and lives a long and happy life.

Eleanor might have breast cancer, and I can now accept credit cards with my PayPal Here app.

 I don't know if I mentioned this before, but a week ago I got a new real leather journal from Barns & Noble. I usually buy my journals from Wal Mart, and they only cost at most $10.00. The Wal Mart journals are faux leather.  My Barns & Noble journal coasted $20.00 plus tax and shipping costs. I absolutely love my new leather journal. It has a place to put your favorite pen, and it ties closed. Before I got my new journal I had only been writing 2 to 3 pages a day as of late.  Now in my new journal I write at least 10 pages a day, some days up to 20 pages. I wish I could buy 10 of the Barns & Noble journals at one time, just to have them stock piled so if I finish a journal I don't have to wait until I get to Barns & Noble to buy another, and what if there are non of the type of journal I want in the store. Then I have to buy it online and pay more for overnight shipping which would make the journal almost $50.00. I still have one of my Wal Mart faux leather journals left to fill, but after that I'm only going to write in this type of journal. If I can afford it, I'll probably buy one or two of the Wal Mart journals in-case I can't afford the real leather journal until the next pay day.

 At the rate I'm writing in this journal I'll have it filled in a month maybe less. If anyone wants to buy me a couple of these journals I will add a link to the Barns & Noble page with the journal I want highlighted. Hahaha, Just kidding! I know  most of my faithful readers can't even afford to buy my book, much less buy me a real leather journal. When I say my real readers I mean the few readers that actually read my blog, (Not the people who just click in and click out within five seconds.) and the readers who have my blog emailed to them. Which reminds me, at the end of this post I have to update you information on my PayPal donate button.

In other news, I haven't been able to blog every day because of my Algebra II  and my Geometry class. Turns out these classes are very hard; at least they are really hard for me. I'm not passing my Geometry class. Not even with my tutor who comes to class with me, and works with me three times a week on Geometry.  I have a different girl tutoring me in my Algebra II class. Luckily I have some memory of Algebra I in high school, plus my tutor for Algebra II is a much better teacher/tutor. She shows me how to show my work. She helps me take notes in class, and I meet her twice a week in the school's tutoring room. Where she helps me get my work done, and study for tests. My Algebra tutor is only 19 years old. I'm 10 years older than her. (I cannot believe how fast time has passed and how very little I've done with my life.) Uggg, fucking geometry I really want to quit this class, I hate the teacher, my tutor does not like me, and she tells me to look at the text book and learn how to solve an equation, while she sits back and texts god only knows who. You can tell she does not want to be there and has no teaching abilities at all. I want to request a new tutor for Geometry, but I don't know how to go about asking. Who do I ask? If I do not pass Geometry I have to take it over again if I want to go to a good college. I suck at math so bad. The fucking kids( and to me they really are kids) in the class snicker when Professor Wu asks me a question.

I have taken my Act's and Sat's two times in the past, and my first scores were low, so low I'm embarrassed to put them up on here. The second time my scores were average. I am set up to take the practice ACT in January, and my practice SAT test in December before Christmas break. After that I will schedule to take the real tests. Luckily I don't have a time limit on the test because of my learning disability. If I don't do amazing I have no hope of ever getting into a good college, like Wesley or any good school. My dream is to go to NYU. I already know a lot about NYU admissions, but financial aid, and student loans are what might kill my dream.

Other than going to class and my tutoring sessions, I don't do much. I read, and listen to a lot of books on my iPhone when I'm in the car or when I'm walking Eleanor, and before I go to sleep.

 Speaking of Eleanor, she has a lump on her breast. I ignored it hoping it would go away, or maybe it was just a cyst. I wouldn't even Google dog breast cancer, I was too afraid I'd find out what I ended up finding out on Monday. Monday afternoon I looked up every piece of info I could find on dog breast cancer. The type of lump Eleanor has next to her nipple is odd shaped, hard like a BB, and is not connected to the muscle on her stomach. I'd say chances are about 75% that it is cancer.

One October 24th she is scheduled for a lumpectomy, and if needed she will be spayed. (It’s my fault she got this cancer because I didn't get her fixed before she went into heat or when she turned six months old. I was too worried she would not wake up...(God Forbid.) The vet will send the lump off to a pathologist and we will find out if it is either a ma-lignite tumor or a benign tumor. Unfortunately it will take some time to send to the pathologist, for him/her to examine it and give us the results. Please God let it be a benign tumor, or even a cyst that we can pop and video it being popped and put up on YouTube. If it is cancer her chances of never getting it again are only 50/50. They don't do chemo on dogs, and only 40 places in the U.S. offer radiation treatment. If the cancer has spread to her lymph nodes, or other internal organs they will put her on a special diet, and give her a bunch of medications with lots of side effects-probably-.

Eleanor is 7 years old, which I can't believe either, it seems like it was just a year of two when I picked her up from the breeder. Little dogs have life spans of 15 to 20 years. 20 is stretching it. I hope I get to grow old with Eleanor at my side. I would not be able to bare seeing her suffering, and there is NO WAY I could put her down. The way I might think about it is if she not eating, drinking, is in such sever pain all the time, so much so she can't even sleep, and she can't move around, and is incontinent. The thing is I don't want to bring her to a vet office where she is scared. I wouldn't want her to be scared when she passes away 20 years from now. I’d rather the vet come to her home, and put her down. God forbid, knock on wood it never happens. I can't believe I'm even writing about this. I would be so devastated, I'd probably be catatonic or I'll use the gun to do myself in for good.

People with children say we (dog owners) don't really know what it’s like to truly love until you have your own living human baby that you gave life to. Well, I may not know what that is like, but I do know I love Eleanor with every fiber of my being and if I lost her I wouldn't' want to go on living.

P.S. please do not donate money on my PayPal donate button.(Not as if people were donating money all the time, I only made a few bucks, and I was scared to put it in my bank account for fear it was a hacker) I will take the button down a.s.a.p. I have opened a new PayPal account in my name with my own bank account and credit and debit cards. I also ordered the "PayPal Here" app for my phone, and they are sending me a little credit card reader that hooks right into my phone via the headphones jack, and if I want to sell something like my bedroom set I can put it on eBay or I can put in the news paper and say credit cards accepted. Also when my book was published they sent me a bunch of free copies that I can do what ever I want. So far I've given them away to close family and friends.  I think I'll sell them now that I have the credit card reader. No more giving away free copies unless its a close friend who can't afford it and if one of the people I wrote about want a copy. A few days ago I promised to give away 50 free copies of my book to the first 50 new followers of @ppfaceannagrace on Twitter. I only got two new followers so I only have to give away two books, signed of course. I still need to find out what addresses the two new followers want me to send the book to. 

Anyone who reads this post PLEASE pray for my dog Eleanor. I just hope to god its not cancer, and it hasn't spread, and she survives the surgery, and isn't in too much pain after the surgery, and in no pain after the surgery wound heals. She'll have on of those cones on her head so she doesn't lick the wound. I wonder if they make those cone things for dogs as small as Eleanor. If you hate me please don't take it out on my innocent dog. She's not just my dog, she's the family dog now. You know DOG spelled backwards is GOD.

My first home PC, and my girl band collection as a teenager

I remember the first home computer my parents bought back in 1996. I don't remember the name brand of the computer, but it was big. With a huge screen monitor and the tall bulky tower/hard drive thing aka mother board. We got the internet hooked up to our first PC. We lived in a small town in Wisconsin and the only Internet carrier back then was AOL (America Online). I remember there was not as much info on the Internet back then. There was no Wikipedia, or Google search engine. If you wanted to surf the net you had type in http www. blah blah blah and see what came up. The big thing back then was "chat rooms". It seemed everyone who had the Internet back then was in chat rooms.

I remember I got addicted to the internet when I first got it. I would log on as soon as I woke up, and would stay on until 3am or later, even on school nights. My mom would tell me to go to bed, and I would go in my room and lay down until I thought my mom was in bed and asleep. Then I'd sneak back in the home office room and log back on to AOL and go into a chartroom. I used to love to hear that dial tone and then the dialing and white noise and then the ding of connection. It took at least two minutes just to log on. Remember whenever you got an email it would say, "You've got mail"?

 I was 13 years old then, and I was always having cybersex. Back then hardly anyone had their picture available for others to see who they were talking to. Some people had webcams, but not me so I was having cybersex with only god knows who or what. My screen name back then was MazzyStarlvr@aol.com. I was way into Mazzy Star since I was 10 years old, when I first heard "Fade into you". I was more into Mazzy Star back then than I was into Nirvana. I liked Nirvana a lot back then, but at that moment I was more into girl bands. Both Grunge and Riot Grrrrrl. I loved my Hole CD's I had both "Pretty on the Inside" and "Live through this". I listened to Alanis Morissette's "Jagged Little Pill" and Sheryl Crow, Poe, P.J. Harvey, Tori Amos, Bikini Kill, Fightwig, Heavens to Betsy, Sleater-Kinney, (Who by the way has new album out after so many years) Bratmobile, Bangs, and L7 were some of the CD's in my chic band collection. When I was 14 Fiona Apple came out with her debut album "Tidal" which was the album that inspired me to write poetry. I was awful at it, and ended up ripping off lyrics from to songs I was listening to. Unfourtantly I didn't find out about Elliott Smith until I was 17 or 18 years old when "Goodwill Hunting" came out and I heard "Miss Misery" at the end of the movie. As soon as the movie was done my mom took me to Best Buy and she bought me the "Goodwill Hunting" soundtrack.

On the "Tidal" album by Fiona Apple you could put the CD into your computer tower and there was a bunch of pictures and information about Fiona and the CD. I thought that was just the coolest thing ever.

On day I was online and my sister Angie and her friend were there. Angie's friend came into the office by me, and I was having cybersex with someone. I said my real age of 14, and Angie's friend said her real age of 12 to the person we were talking/cyber sexing with online. The guy had told me he was 16 years old and in high school. He got really excited when I told him I had a friend with me and she was 12 years old. He asked for my phone number so he could call and we could have phone sex. I was really nervous suddenly and I said no. My sister's friend kept saying, "come on Anna, I want to talk to him. He sounds like he would be really cute. Plus since I came in he's stopped talking to you pretty much". So I typed in, "give us your phone number and we'll call you". He did, and my sister's friend made the call. She put the phone on speaker, and by this time my sister was in the office with us. The phone only rang once or twice and he answered and said, "Why hello so and so". The first thing we all noticed was his voice was really old. He had a grandfather voice. I was grossed out and asked my sister's friend to ask him how old he really was. She did, and he said 34. We were shocked, and I wanted her to hang up. I was scared my mom would come in from outside, or my dad would come home from work unexpectedly and would find us talking to this old man about sex. She wouldn't hang up, so I told her in her ear that he was older than 34, and told her to ask him his real age. After a few minutes, when she got done telling him how she got her period when she was 10 years old, and got breasts when she was 8 and he kept saying I bet your tits are small, you probably look like a boy without a shirt. She got mad, and finally asked him how old he really was and he told us he was really 56 years old. I hung up the phone for her. I explained that guy was a pedophile. That's why he kept saying you had no boobs. He doesn't want you to look grown up.

After that experience I stopped having cybersex. I would go into chat rooms about music and books. I was on the computer so much that I had stopped hanging out with my friends that summer. That summer I was eating honey nut Cheerios for every meal. One day I just happened to be in the living room with my family watching TV, and my mom asked me where Kaycee was. Why wasn't I hanging out with her like I usually did since third grade? My sister butted in and said loudly, "Anna's only friends are the Internet and Cheerios. We all laughed because it was true. I spent the whole summer between freshman and sophomore year on the Internet.

When school started that year I was 15 and would be getting my license that winter. I ended up dating a 20 year old when I was 15. We met after a football game when we went to a high school party at his and his brother's house. I didn't use the Internet very much anymore. Plus Oconto Falls had gotten a local dial up Internet service called EZ net. I couldn't figure out how to get into chat room with that Internet provider. They didn't have the two heads on the top of the screen to click on to enter chat rooms. Plus it was 1998 now, and we still had Windows 94. Our computer was so slow. I would have to use it for school every now and again, and I would wait ten minutes just to open up a new window. It made all these weird noises. It would disconnect all the time by its self. I got so sick of our home PC, I would go to the computer lab in school and our school had all new Macintosh computers. Remember the Macs that were all different colors and sort of see through? Well that's the kind of computers our school had. Those computers were fast compared to what I had grown used to. Even before our home PC got super slow, it was still slow compared to the new Macs.

I asked my parents for an Apple Mac computer in pink for Xmas that year, but they were so expensive back then. Probably around 2,000 dollars for just the computer, not including all the software I wanted on my new computer. We didn't get a new computer until 2007. Then we got a laptop, and by then of course there was Google, Yahoo, MSN, etc. and MySpace was the cool thing. There was Facebook, but only a few of my friends were on Facebook, all my friends were on MySpace. So again I got hooked on the Internet, especially when I found that you could blog on MySpace. I would read people's blogs, and I would write my own. Slowly but surely everyone left MySpace and went to Facebook. In 2008 I caved and created my own Facebook page, and started blogging here at Blogger.

In 2007 I got my first "Smart Phone" from T-Mobile. The T-Mobile Side Kick phone. Gosh that thing was big and bulky and it was complicated. Really the only thing it was good for was texting and email. It was the first phone that I could send and receive emails on. The only time I ever went on the Internet on that phone was to check my dating profile and email. This is back when I lived in Hawaii with just my mom. After the Side Kick phone, I got the newest coolest phone the Motorola Razor flip phone. I don't think it was a smart phone. The only thing you could do was go on the Internet to download ringtones, wallpapers, and games. After the Razor I got my Black Berry in 2009, and that's when I started going on the real Internet with my phone, updating my Facebook status, and uploading pictures to my profile. From there I got a Samsung Galaxy touch phone. After I got that phone I didn't even need my laptop. I preferred using my laptop for certain things, like blogging, and shopping, and some other things that I can't think of. I used my smart phone to ask questions I had, and use the dictionary. Now I have the IPhone 4S, and I have Siri to ask questions to, and Google of course. Google is much smarter than Siri. It’s just Google doesn't talk back to you. On Google you have to read the answer to your question. 

In writing this blog post I asked Google two questions. The first question I asked was, "What is the tower called on a home PC?" The second question I asked was the name of the T-Mobile phone with the word kick in it. I couldn't remember what exactly it was called; I knew it had kick in it. Sure enough the top answer was Side Kick by T-Mobile. 

That's my life in the age of technology. 

More about re-decorating my bedroom, and an IPhone 4S

Even more has changed with my iron bed frame. First of all, I don't know how you guys have gotten away with not paying for an item you bid on and won on eBay. I didn't end up paying for either of the beds I won on eBay, and as a result I have to pay a fee for not paying, and I had to pay for the seller to re-list the item on eBay.  I ended up having to pay 59.00 dollars to each seller. That's a bargain though for what I would have had to pay for the bed I won for $202.50 dollars plus shipping and handling which was 425.00 dollars. Double the price of that I paid for the bed. So I paid the fees, and said to hell with eBay. I will never bid on anything that does not have free shipping again.

So when I found out the price of the shipping for the bed I wanted, I told my parents I would need to borrow money from them to pay for it. They said they wouldn't give it to me. My Mom told me about this antique mall in Manitowoc that has a whole pole building full of antique beds and most are iron bed frames. The next day after I going to the clinic I drove down to Manitowoc to the antique mall to look at beds. When I pulled in the parking lot I saw a bunch of iron bed frames. Most were either twin size or three quarters. Three quarters size is the first bed size they made that was bigger than a twin. I saw a three quarters bed that I really wanted and because it was a three quarters bed it was only 25 dollars for the entire bed frame. Three quarter beds are so cheap because they don't make three quarter mattresses anymore, so if you buy a three quarters bed frame you have to buy a special made mattress.

After I looked at all the beds in the parking lot, I went to the "bed shed" as it was called. In there, there was at least 200 hundred iron beds, probably 500 beds total. I took my time and looked at every single iron bed frame that was full/double size. I saw a bunch that I liked, but none that I fell in love with...at first. After about an hour of digging I saw it. It was a full/double iron bed frame identical to the bed in the picture with Kurt Cobain lying in it. The only difference was the bed that was in front of me was painted white and was really rusty, and it only had 6 rods on the head board instead of 8 like in the Kurt Cobain bed picture. I looked at the price of this old rusty bed, and it was a cool 50 bucks, with all original parts even the wheels. I had the guy who was helping me look for the bed I wanted, set it up to make sure it had all the parts and that they all fit. It fit together perfect. The headboard is 4ft 6in and the footboard is 4 feet tall. I looked at the bed set up for a few minutes and said to the guy, "Well I'm going to have to get this bed sandblasted to get off all this rust. Would you be willing to sell me the bed for 40 dollars?" He counter bid 45 dollars and I said, "sold."

Oh yes, I forgot. The day before this I got the IPhone 4S, and on the way home my mom drove the Jeep. It took some maneuvering, but we got the bed in the Jeep without bending or dinging any of the iron rods. The whole ride home I called Metal workshops that did sandblasting, and I found one on Velp that would do the bed for 40 dollars an hour. It will probably take 15 to 20 minutes to sandblast my bed so it should cost between 10 and 20 dollars to get it sandblasted. I'm going to paint the bed myself. So I went to Fleet Farm and I bought metal paint primer, and metal paint in mint green and this crackling stuff that will make the bed have an austere chic look. I also bought gold paint (not sparkle gold) in case I want to paint it gold. My mom wants it to be gold.

When we got home I Googled "cheap mattresses in Green Bay WI", and this whole seller came up. I called the number to make an appointment to look at the mattresses and box springs. The next day I and my mom went to look at these new cheap mattresses from this whole seller guy. I ended up getting a mattress and box spring for 245 dollars. The mattress/boxspring part I was most worried about, because before when I was looking up cheap mattresses (I didn't put Green Bay WI in my Google search last time) all I could find was refurbished mattresses and those gross me out. The cheapest mattress and box spring I found when I first looked was 400 and some dollars.

If I had bought the bed I wanted from eBay and paid the shipping and handling, and didn't put Green Bay WI in my Google search for mattress/boxsprings I would have ended up paying at least 400 dollars for mattress and box spring. So for just my bed I would have paid 1,200 dollars! This way, I'm only paying 370 dollars (rounding up) for my entire antique iron bed.

At the antique mall I also found a small antique dresser (dove tailed) that I'm going to paint white for 60 dollars. I also found a red fainting couch that I love, and it’s in good shape for 150 dollars. If after I put my room together with the bed, dresser, and small writing desk and antique chair for the desk, and there is still a lot of room I'm going to buy either that fainting couch, or one of those egg chairs. I found a bunch of egg chairs on eBay for around 150 dollars with free shipping. I once sat in one of those egg chairs at a modern furniture store on Broadway here in Green Bay and it was awesome. I could sit in there and read all day. I could watch a movie on either, my bed, or the fainting sofa, or egg chair depending on how much room I have left with the staple furniture in it. I thought about getting a vanity, but instead I'm going to fix up my bathroom. My bathroom is rather small compared to my parent’s master bath. I don't even have a closet or chores for my make up, and hair stuff. Right now I have one of those plastic bins with chores that pull out in my bathroom and that's where I keep all that stuff.

When I was at ShopKo today waiting for my prescriptions to be filled I went to look at home furnishings and I saw this tall cabinet made of wicker that I could swap out...shit I forgot about all my books. Where am I going to put them? I have over 200 books on my dresser and in my closet. Plus one of my dressers is full of my journals. I'm going to need a book case. Hmm, I was just looking around the living room and my mom has this bookshelf that she has all her cook books on one shelf and the rest of the shelves are full of nick knacks. There are two book cases here in the living room, and she can have the one over by the TV and there is room on that one for her row of cook books. If I think the book case is going to take up too much room in my bedroom I can put it in my closet. My closet is a walk in closet, a small walk in, but there is one wall without shelves or a bar to hang clothes on, and I can fit the book shelf on that wall. We used to have this awesome antique book case, but my dad gave it to my cousin when he moved out of the cabin in upper Michigan when he and my mom were split up. I could ask my cousin for that book case back. That one isn't very big, and it wouldn't fit all my books, well maybe it will. Plus it won't take up very much room in my bedroom.

I'm so excited about re-decorating my bedroom, and I bet when it’s all done I won't even like it that much. I hope I do. I want to make my bedroom my haven. I want it to be the room I spend all my free time in, reading, writing, watching movies, sleeping, having sex, and all those good things.  My room should be done by the end of November. My bed won't be back from the sand blaster for up to three weeks. That's why it is so cheap. They do grave stones; it’s actually the same place where my parents bought our family head stone when Angie (my little sister) passed away in 2003. It's not even a metal shop. They just happen to have a sand blaster and do beds and other furniture on the side when they have time.

I know this post is super boring. It is exciting for me write out though. I like thinking about my decorating project. I so hope it turns out nice. I don't even have a real picture in my head yet so I can't be let down.

There is so much more I could write about, but I want to get back to my book now. I sat on that damn IPhone 4S all day today, downloading apps and playing scrabble instead of reading or writing. I'll get sick of the phone soon enough. I am always asking Siri questions, and she doesn't know squat, she's always saying, can I check the Internet for you? Then I'll call her stupid, and she'll say, "I’m sorry Anna, I'm not perfect yet". Then I'll apologize, and she'll say, no need to apologize Anna, like I said I'm not perfect yet."

Getting fucked in the shower by some woman's husband at the end of this post

Wow, it’s been awhile since I last posted a blog. A lot about the bed shopping has changed since I last posted. There has been a few changes in my money situation, and we found out my dad is not just drinking his money away, but he's also got a gambling problem. I'll go more into detail about all this here in this blog post.

I'll start with the bed. If you didn't read my last post, I'll catch you up. I was scouring the Internet for antique iron beds. I found a store called, "Cathouse Antique Iron Beds", and in an email I sent them picture I have on my computer of Kurt Cobain lying in this beautiful antique iron bed. I told the owner that I wanted a bed identical or as close as possible to the iron bed in the photo I had sent. The owner emailed me back very quickly and told me the he happened to be the one who sold the bed in the picture I sent him, to Kurt and Courtney in 1992. He also said it would be nearly impossible for him to get me the exact same bed in the picture because all of the beds Cathouse carries are original antique iron beds. The owner of the Cathouse bed store guarantees he does not sell reproductions, only original antique beds. Later the owner sent me a bunch of emails with different pictures of the type of austere iron bed frame I was looking for.

I looked through the loads of emails he sent me, and I saw some awesome beds, but not exactly what I was looking for. At least not for the price he was asking for these beds. If I'm going to pay a few thousand dollars for a bed frame it is going to be the exact bed I want. I finally got to the last picture email, and I opened it up and saw exactly what I was looking for, and it just so happens it was the cheapest bed he had shown me. I wanted to put money down on the spot for the bed, but I didn't get paid until October 3rd, and that was four days away.

Meanwhile I went to eBay to look for austere antique iron bed frames. It just so happened I found three beds that were exactly what I was looking for, and they were all under 200.00 dollars. I had never used eBay before to buy or sell anything. I really didn't know how it worked. I understood that you bid on something and if you’re the high bidder you win the item. Duh! So I bid on all three beds expecting to be out bid, knowing these beds are worth a lot of money. The beds had five days left to be bid on. I have herd from friends that there are these people called "snipers" on eBay, and they wait until the last few minutes of the auction to bid. So I put the three bed frames I bid on, on my watch list. I was out bid on one of the beds the next day. It went up to 300.00 dollars, and I said I wouldn't go over 250.00 dollars. Then the bed I really wanted out of the three beds I bid on went up from the 175.00 to 202.50 dollars. So I bid my max of 220.00 dollars. The other bed I bid on was sticking at 150.00 dollars, my high bid.  I kept watching the two beds I was high bidder on hoping someone would out me on the bed frame I didn't want so much. Plus the bed I didn't really want was "pick up only" and it is way down in Kentucky. The bed I really wanted is from Washington State, and the seller said in her ad she would deliver anywhere in the state of Washington for free, or she would find the lowest shipping price she could find for anyone who won from outside of Washington State.

Five days of watching these beds, and not a single person out bid me on either bed. I was hoping for the "snipers" to hit it. The bidding would end during the middle of the night my time. So I wouldn't know if I won or lost the bed I really wanted, or if I won or lost the bed I really didn't want. When I woke up the  morning after the bidding ended, I looked at my phone and checked my email. I saw two emails from eBay. Both said, "Congratulations you've won blah blah blah. Please click here to make your payment." My heart dropped into my stomach. I had been high bidder on two of the beds I bid on and I won them both. I didn't have the money to pay for both beds. I had used almost all the money I had left over from my SSI & SSD checks after rent, and paying back my parents for the stuff I bought with their card on PayPal. Plus I really needed to get a haircut, which was going to cost me at least 50.00 dollars. This left me with only 165.00 dollars.

So I sent an email to the guy in Kentucky whose bed I bid on and won, but didn't want, and I explained that I was new to eBay and I lived in Wisconsin and was not going to drive to Kentucky to pick up his bed frame. I told him I'd pay all the fines one incurs after not paying for an item they bid on and won on eBay, plus I would pay the  re-listing fee for him to try and sell it again on eBay. 

I also explained to him he should give more information about the bed in his ad, because he was selling the bed for way too little. I mean the bed has all original parts; he had the receipt his grandfather got when he bought the bed back in 1898. Plus he should take a picture of the bed put together to prove he had all the parts. He should also give the weight of the bed, and how many inches the tubing is, how high the head and foot board are. If he did this his bed would easily get 300.00 dollars. I noticed the more information the sellers had about the bed the higher people were bidding. The heavier the bed the more it was worth. If the tubing was 2 inches it was worth more. If the picture of the bed was nice people bid higher. I opened my email a few hours later, and the guy from Kentucky, whose bed I won had emailed me back with the fines I had to pay, and the fee to re-list his bed frame for sale on eBay. It all totaled 59.00 dollars, so I quick paid him.

Then there was the bed I really wanted. I was so happy that the lady selling this bed had no idea how much the bed was worth. She even had the original springs to the bed. It weighed 106 lbs., and had 2 inch tubing. Plus the more curves there are on an antique iron bed the more money it's worth, because back in the 1800's -1900's it was hard to get the iron to bend in intricate ways. I saw a lot of antique austere iron bed frames selling for up to 3,000 dollars depending on how much curving of the iron there was. The one I won had just four curves around the edges. Otherwise it was a pencil bed frame. It’s almost identical to the one in the picture with Kurt Cobain lying in it, except it was only a double bed, and not a king size, but that was the huge selling point for me. My room is small and I want to put in a writing desk so I need smaller bedroom furniture.  I ended up paying 202.50 dollars for a bed worth probably 800.00 to 1,000.00 dollars.

The hitch was I didn't have the money to pay for the bed. I had only 165.00 dollars in my account and that was before I paid the fines and re listing fee for the bed I didn't want. I was down to under 110.00 dollars. I had four days though, and my parents had one of my royalty checks in their savings account. (I keep my extra money in their account because if SS knew I had almost 500.00 dollars just lying around my SSI check would go down.) I had been saving the 489.73 dollars for IBook (Macintosh laptop) with all the bells and whistles. Like Lisbeth in the books "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” Then I could use this computer for my junk computer and practice programming on this one. I should be getting a big royalty check soon, because I sold paperback books to Barns & Noble, so now my book is available in Barns & Noble's brick and mortar stores. I estimate this check should be around a thousand dollars. Although sales of my book in paperback form to individual people are much lower than my eBook sales. I get paid quarterly and this month is the end of the quarter, or last month was. I sold the books to brick and mortar stores at the end of the last quarter, and it takes a long time to process orders to chain stores, plus instead of getting 20% of the profits, I only get 10% of the profits. I figured with the 489.73 plus however much my next check is I could buy the IBook, and have all the software put on it that I want. I know you’re like what does this have to do with your bed. I'm getting there.

So two days ago I went and checked my parent’s savings account on the banks website to make sure I still had 489.73 dollars in there. I knew my parents have been having money problems for almost a year now due to my dad's drinking. He makes over 5,000 dollars a month. If you take out all the bills we owe he still has over 2,000 dollars left plus my rent and phone bill money. There is no reason my dad needs to be taking out payday loans when he has over 2,000 dollars to spend on entertainment. Okay, my mom gets some of the money, probably around 500.00 dollars, but she always has money left over after the end of the month. So giving my dad the benefit of the doubt and saying he only has 1,000.00 dollars for entertainment he still should not have to take out those payday loans. My mom got sick of my dad being broke before the end of the month. So when she got the letter in the mail saying my dad took 1,000.00 dollars in a payday loan she freaked. So this month she and I are keeping all receipts, and are tracking my dad's debit cards, and checking account. Plus his two credit cards. Which is how we found out he is gambling. Getting back to the beds.

I check the savings account, and saw there was a balance of zero dollars and zero cents. My dad had stolen the money I was saving. I was livid, so I called my mom and told her. She of course was at her bible study. (Another crazy thing) She said, "Don't worry Anna, we are keeping track of the money closely this month, and next month we are going to cut down spending, even if that means telling Social Security that your dad needs a payee".  (I had my mom switched to my payee, but we did it too late in the month for it to take effect this month, so my dad still has access to my money until November 3rd) Still I was mad, and asked how am I going to pay for this bed I bought on eBay? She told me not to worry; if she had to she would take out a payday loan for 500.00 dollars. We both agreed upon this, because that meant my dad could not go and get a payday loan without my mom knowing beforehand. So the next day my mom and dad went and got a payday loan for 500.00 dollars. After the money was back in the account I went on eBay to pay for the bed, and now it won't let me pay because the seller still has not found how she is going to ship it. She's looking for the lowest price for me, so I don't want to complain. It’s just I want to pay for this bed before my dad gets desperate and steals my money again. Not only did he steal the money in my savings he stole the $108.00 or so I had left in my checking account.

I was so mad and I couldn't say anything to him because he was at the bar, and I couldn't say anything to him when he got home because he would be drunk and belligerent. Then I got a call from the bank saying my dad had to call the bank a.s.a.p. because even after my account was drained someone wrote out a 200.00 dollar check, and it was returned. So now my account is negative 210.00 dollars. The ten dollars in the 210.00 dollars is the fee for a returned check. That was it; I had it up to my hair. I looked up the sheriff’s department phone number, and I was going to call and tell them to go down Broadway and there will be a man in a red jeep with veteran plates driving very drunk so he would go to jail and learn a lesson. I couldn't do it though. Back when I was stealing money from my parents when I was using heroin my dad could have called the cops on me, but he didn't. He held it over my head, but never did it.

My dad gets paid two more times this month, so he can put 210.00 dollars into my checking account, and burn the check book he has for that account. Then he can pay back the payday loan before the 600% interest kicks in. ( I should mention my dad's money doesn't come all at one time at the beginning of the month, instead he gets paid about a thousand dollars five times a month.  This makes it a little bit harder to track my dad’s spending.

Ever since we found out that he's going to the casino when he says he's going to the bar at 11am. What I don't understand is how come he's always broke. He's got to win big once in a while. He places big bets in black jack, and when you make big bets if you win you win big. The only thing I can think is he wins, and thinks he's on a roll and keeps on gambling until all the money he won plus the money he came in with is all gone. He's probably not that bad if he's sober, but he gets drunk and gambles. If he was gambling sober I doubt he would be so stupid as to win big and not walk away.

Again, back to the bed. Since I won a good austere antique iron bed frame on eBay, there is no reason for me to buy a bed for 850.00 dollars, even if it’s from the same place Kurt and Courtney bought their bed. It would have been cool to say, "I got my bed from the same guy the Cobain's got their bed back in 1992", but now that I think about it, it would just have made me sound like a copycat. This is what I am. I copied Courtney's look. It just so happens we have the same taste in decorating, and clothes.

I'm hoping the lady whose bed I won on eBay figures out a really cheap way to transport the bed frame from Washington to Wisconsin. She gave me an estimate of 480.00 dollars. That's more than double what I paid for the bed. I said no way, and she said she would keep looking. Hopefully she finds a bus that will transport it; I'm told that's the cheapest way. Does anyone know if when she finally figures out the shipping will I have to pay for the bed and the shipping at the same time, or can I pay for the bed, and then the shipping when I have the money?

As far as the gambling, last night my dad went out again, but he swears it was only to the bar. Even though on his debit card he spent over 100.00 dollars. When I used to go out to the bars I'd spend at most 80.00 dollars from 2 in the afternoon to 2 in the morning. I usually got away with 40.00 dollars. Tap beer, and rolling dice for shots once in a while. Never with more than three people though. That's so you don't have to buy a whole shit load of people a shot if you lose at dice. Plus when I was still going to bars I was thin and young and guys would buy me drinks all night long as long as sat by them and talked to them every now and again. Sometimes the guy I was sitting next to all night and buying my drinks ended up getting laid. I just tried making a list of all the men I've slept with, and I came up 46 including the men I had sex with for money or drugs. I didn't know 15 of the men's names. I call whore, slut bag. That's a part of the whole borderline personality disorder, promiscuity. Eh, that's just a cop out, I used to love having sex, and did not discriminate. 

I remember I was living on people's couches for a couple of months, and one night I was sleeping on this couples couch I met at the bar the night before. That morning I got up and was showering, and the guy came in to pee. I opened the shower curtain and invited him in to fuck me, and his wife was sleeping in the bedroom maybe 30 feet away. I'm getting wet just thinking about that guy. He made me cum at least 3 times and I screamed out in ecstasy , and he would put his hand over my mouth to muffle my screams so his wife wouldn't wake up. I'm going to go hell for sure.

Cathouse Antique Iron Beds

Well hello there peeps. Its been a few days hasn't it. I haven't had anything to write about so I felt I wouldn't bore you with my ramblings. I really don't have much to write about today, but I'm board, and as an amature writer I should be writing at least 1,000 words a day. I would estimate I only write 300 words in my paper journal. So I need to write at least 700 words in my blog posts. I don't know if I'll be able to manage that today.

I guess the really cool thing that happened to me has to do with the picture of the bed I posted with Kurt Cobain lying in it. I have been scouring the web for austere iron beds like the one in the aforementioned picture. I came across a store called "Cathouse Antique Iron Beds". I emailed Cathouse with a picture of the bed Kurt is lying in. The man who owns the store emailed me back, and said it was funny I sent him that particular photo, as he was the one who sold the bed to Kurt and Courtney back in 1992. Of course upon hear this, I had to buy my bed from them. They are based in California so I had the owner send me photos of beds that were similar to the bed in the photo I sent. I told him I only had between 100 and 300 dollars to spend. This is before he mentioned he had sold the bed in the picture I sent. When he emailed me back and told me his lowest priced bed is 700 dollars all the way up to a few thousand dollars. I emailed him back and told him I can manage up to 2,000 dollars. So he sent me photos of about 26 different iron bed frame. I looked through almost all the pictures and I couldn't find one that was exactly what I wanted, but the picture in the last email was the bed I've been looking for. Lucky for me it was only $888.00 dollars.

I can't afford to pay over 800.00 dollars in one payment, so he told me about his payment plan option. I can pay one third down, and as much as I can after that. After I've paid the full amount the bed will be shipped to me. Cathouse Antique Iron Beds guarantees all his beds are originals and antique. They are so expensive because back in the day iron beds were very well made beds. Very heavy and durable. They don't depreciate in value, instead they appreciate in value each year. The particular bed I picked is from the 1800's. I wonder how many people were conceived in the bed, and or died in the bed? I can't wait to get my new old bed. It might be a few months though.

Other than that, I've been out of control shopping on the Internet. I just bought a bunch of pens from Barns and Noble. I bought a leather journal, and a nook satchel. Plus I bought two pairs of tights, and something else that I can't remember. I have to unplug for a while and stop buying stuff. I still need to pay my mom and dad back, and get a hair cut, and buy two cartons of cigarettes. If I keep spending like this I will have zero money left before I can make my payment on my new bed.


That's it for me.