Friday, October 19, 2012

Eleanor might have breast cancer, and I can now accept credit cards with my PayPal Here app.

 I don't know if I mentioned this before, but a week ago I got a new real leather journal from Barns & Noble. I usually buy my journals from Wal Mart, and they only cost at most $10.00. The Wal Mart journals are faux leather.  My Barns & Noble journal coasted $20.00 plus tax and shipping costs. I absolutely love my new leather journal. It has a place to put your favorite pen, and it ties closed. Before I got my new journal I had only been writing 2 to 3 pages a day as of late.  Now in my new journal I write at least 10 pages a day, some days up to 20 pages. I wish I could buy 10 of the Barns & Noble journals at one time, just to have them stock piled so if I finish a journal I don't have to wait until I get to Barns & Noble to buy another, and what if there are non of the type of journal I want in the store. Then I have to buy it online and pay more for overnight shipping which would make the journal almost $50.00. I still have one of my Wal Mart faux leather journals left to fill, but after that I'm only going to write in this type of journal. If I can afford it, I'll probably buy one or two of the Wal Mart journals in-case I can't afford the real leather journal until the next pay day.

 At the rate I'm writing in this journal I'll have it filled in a month maybe less. If anyone wants to buy me a couple of these journals I will add a link to the Barns & Noble page with the journal I want highlighted. Hahaha, Just kidding! I know  most of my faithful readers can't even afford to buy my book, much less buy me a real leather journal. When I say my real readers I mean the few readers that actually read my blog, (Not the people who just click in and click out within five seconds.) and the readers who have my blog emailed to them. Which reminds me, at the end of this post I have to update you information on my PayPal donate button.

In other news, I haven't been able to blog every day because of my Algebra II  and my Geometry class. Turns out these classes are very hard; at least they are really hard for me. I'm not passing my Geometry class. Not even with my tutor who comes to class with me, and works with me three times a week on Geometry.  I have a different girl tutoring me in my Algebra II class. Luckily I have some memory of Algebra I in high school, plus my tutor for Algebra II is a much better teacher/tutor. She shows me how to show my work. She helps me take notes in class, and I meet her twice a week in the school's tutoring room. Where she helps me get my work done, and study for tests. My Algebra tutor is only 19 years old. I'm 10 years older than her. (I cannot believe how fast time has passed and how very little I've done with my life.) Uggg, fucking geometry I really want to quit this class, I hate the teacher, my tutor does not like me, and she tells me to look at the text book and learn how to solve an equation, while she sits back and texts god only knows who. You can tell she does not want to be there and has no teaching abilities at all. I want to request a new tutor for Geometry, but I don't know how to go about asking. Who do I ask? If I do not pass Geometry I have to take it over again if I want to go to a good college. I suck at math so bad. The fucking kids( and to me they really are kids) in the class snicker when Professor Wu asks me a question.

I have taken my Act's and Sat's two times in the past, and my first scores were low, so low I'm embarrassed to put them up on here. The second time my scores were average. I am set up to take the practice ACT in January, and my practice SAT test in December before Christmas break. After that I will schedule to take the real tests. Luckily I don't have a time limit on the test because of my learning disability. If I don't do amazing I have no hope of ever getting into a good college, like Wesley or any good school. My dream is to go to NYU. I already know a lot about NYU admissions, but financial aid, and student loans are what might kill my dream.

Other than going to class and my tutoring sessions, I don't do much. I read, and listen to a lot of books on my iPhone when I'm in the car or when I'm walking Eleanor, and before I go to sleep.

 Speaking of Eleanor, she has a lump on her breast. I ignored it hoping it would go away, or maybe it was just a cyst. I wouldn't even Google dog breast cancer, I was too afraid I'd find out what I ended up finding out on Monday. Monday afternoon I looked up every piece of info I could find on dog breast cancer. The type of lump Eleanor has next to her nipple is odd shaped, hard like a BB, and is not connected to the muscle on her stomach. I'd say chances are about 75% that it is cancer.
One October 24th she is scheduled for a lumpectomy, and if needed she will be spayed. (It’s my fault she got this cancer because I didn't get her fixed before she went into heat or when she turned six months old. I was too worried she would not wake up...(God Forbid.) The vet will send the lump off to a pathologist and we will find out if it is either a ma-lignite tumor or a benign tumor. Unfortunately it will take some time to send to the pathologist, for him/her to examine it and give us the results. Please God let it be a benign tumor, or even a cyst that we can pop and video it being popped and put up on YouTube. If it is cancer her chances of never getting it again are only 50/50. They don't do chemo on dogs, and only 40 places in the U.S. offer radiation treatment. If the cancer has spread to her lymph nodes, or other internal organs they will put her on a special diet, and give her a bunch of medications with lots of side effects-probably-.
Eleanor is 7 years old, which I can't believe either, it seems like it was just a year of two when I picked her up from the breeder. Little dogs have life spans of 15 to 20 years. 20 is stretching it. I hope I get to grow old with Eleanor at my side. I would not be able to bare seeing her suffering, and there is NO WAY I could put her down. The way I might think about it is if she not eating, drinking, is in such sever pain all the time, so much so she can't even sleep, and she can't move around, and is incontinent. The thing is I don't want to bring her to a vet office where she is scared. I wouldn't want her to be scared when she passes away 20 years from now. I’d rather the vet come to her home, and put her down. God forbid, knock on wood it never happens. I can't believe I'm even writing about this. I would be so devastated, I'd probably be catatonic or I'll use the gun to do myself in for good.

People with children say we (dog owners) don't really know what it’s like to truly love until you have your own living human baby that you gave life to. Well, I may not know what that is like, but I do know I love Eleanor with every fiber of my being and if I lost her I wouldn't' want to go on living.

P.S. please do not donate money on my PayPal donate button.(Not as if people were donating money all the time, I only made a few bucks, and I was scared to put it in my bank account for fear it was a hacker) I will take the button down a.s.a.p. I have opened a new PayPal account in my name with my own bank account and credit and debit cards. I also ordered the "PayPal Here" app for my phone, and they are sending me a little credit card reader that hooks right into my phone via the headphones jack, and if I want to sell something like my bedroom set I can put it on eBay or I can put in the news paper and say credit cards accepted. Also when my book was published they sent me a bunch of free copies that I can do what ever I want. So far I've given them away to close family and friends.  I think I'll sell them now that I have the credit card reader. No more giving away free copies unless its a close friend who can't afford it and if one of the people I wrote about want a copy. A few days ago I promised to give away 50 free copies of my book to the first 50 new followers of @ppfaceannagrace on Twitter. I only got two new followers so I only have to give away two books, signed of course. I still need to find out what addresses the two new followers want me to send the book to. 

Anyone who reads this post PLEASE pray for my dog Eleanor. I just hope to god its not cancer, and it hasn't spread, and she survives the surgery, and isn't in too much pain after the surgery, and in no pain after the surgery wound heals. She'll have on of those cones on her head so she doesn't lick the wound. I wonder if they make those cone things for dogs as small as Eleanor. If you hate me please don't take it out on my innocent dog. She's not just my dog, she's the family dog now. You know DOG spelled backwards is GOD.

14 comments:

MMB said...

I hope Eleanore feels better. And PS, don't feel bad about not getting her spayed, I think that's a myth about it preventing cancer. My mom and grandmother have raised yorkie, maltese, and other smalls dogs all their lives. Some they get spayed, and they get tumors. Some didn't get spayed, and lived long healthy lives. I think it is just a toss up between genetic and environmental stuff. If she is only 7, I'm sure they will be able to remove the tumor and she will be just fine. It is when the tumors are in the neck/throat area you have to worry. I would research into an organic food. You can buy dog food on amazon, and she's a small dog so the cost won't be too bad. The stuff in regular dog food had been proven to be more likely to cause cancer

Anna Young said...

Thank you so much MMB. When we go to the vet on Oct. 24 at 8am the veternarian is going to do a physical with us in the room before he/she does the surgery. I'm sure after the lump is removed even if it is not cancer (knock on wood)he/she will recommend a diet change. Probably to a certain food that particular vet office sells. Heck I don't care how much it costs as long as it keeps her from getting cancer and keeps alive and healthy for as long as I live.

You're probably right about genetics and environment, but I'm mad at myself for not spaying her because if even it would only guarantee her a 1% chance of keeping her from ever getting cancer.

Thanks for the tip about Amazon for organic food. I wish I would have started out on a organic diet. She's so little a small bag of food last her up to a year.

thank you again.

Bev said...

I hope every thing works out good for Elenore.
If your not happy with the vet.You can shop around and get a second opinion.
Shes in my prayers and so are you.You must be worried sick.
Take care of both of you XoXo

MMB said...

noooo...I would not buy the food the vet recommends. it will be some overpriced namebrand fancy shit, but if you look at the ingredients it will have exactly the same stuff in it as the cheaper store brand varieties. Huge scam by the pet food industries. You are paying like double the price for the label. Also, remember that vets have very little to NO teaching in pet nutrition, so they might not even suggest a diet switch. Just pick out your own food, and read the labels. Ingredients you want to look out for are grains like "corn" and "wheat" which dogs have trouble digesting. Also "meat-by product." Want to hear something very sick?? I almost think this is a myth it is so sick, but then again I'll believe anything these days.

I've heard that the "meat" in 'meat by-product' can be anything between the parts of cows/chickens not fit for human consumption as well as road kill and euthanized pets from the animal shelters, some which had been sick or diseased. Yeah. Um. Like dead cats and dogs. They cook it all down in a big chemical stew for days at a time, and then serve it for darling Fluffy.

http://www.dogfoodadvisor.com/dog-food-industry-exposed/euthanized-pets-dog-food/

Good luck at the vets office! I know it is very scary when they go under for anethesia!

Ps
i've been enjoying reading your blog for the past 2ish years now

MMB said...

noooo...I would not buy the food the vet recommends. it will be some overpriced namebrand fancy shit, but if you look at the ingredients it will have exactly the same stuff in it as the cheaper store brand varieties. Huge scam by the pet food industries. You are paying like double the price for the label. Also, remember that vets have very little to NO teaching in pet nutrition, so they might not even suggest a diet switch. Just pick out your own food, and read the labels. Ingredients you want to look out for are grains like "corn" and "wheat" which dogs have trouble digesting. Also "meat-by product." Want to hear something very sick?? I almost think this is a myth it is so sick, but then again I'll believe anything these days.

I've heard that the "meat" in 'meat by-product' can be anything between the parts of cows/chickens not fit for human consumption as well as road kill and euthanized pets from the animal shelters, some which had been sick or diseased. Yeah. Um. Like dead cats and dogs. They cook it all down in a big chemical stew for days at a time, and then serve it for darling Fluffy.

http://www.dogfoodadvisor.com/dog-food-industry-exposed/euthanized-pets-dog-food/

Good luck at the vets office! I know it is very scary when they go under for anethesia!

Ps
i've been enjoying reading your blog for the past 2ish years now

Anna Young said...

Thank you Bev. You are such a sweetheart. Sorry Its a short comment, I'm going over to your blog to catch up on your posts. I haven't been by yours in almost three weeks. I haven't even been by Gleds blog almost 5 days. I have my email set to alert me when Gleds post a new blog post. That's why I read his more often than anyone elses.

Anna Young said...

MMB,

Thanks again for the information. I will surely check into the ingredients of Eleanor's food.
I had no idea about corn or wheat. I definitely never herd about meat by products being made up animals parts not suitable for human consumption, and putting euthinized animals in the by product. When my cousin was little he would eat dog food all the time when nobody was looking. Luckily he's a very healthy man now.
I have a question, we feed Eleanor soft food in the morning and we put fish oil on it. Is the Fish oil a good idea? Also, we have a big bowl of Iam's probiotic hard food in little bites. The reason we leave the hard food out for her all the time, is because our vet told us that little dogs often will have low blood sugar, and having some hard food out 24/7 will let her correct her blood sugar if it drops. Is this true?
Yet another question, is there organic soft dog food out there, or should we buy some hamburger from the grocery store, and cook up a little every day for her breakfast? If yes, should we cook all the hamburger at once, and put it in the fridge until it runs out and we have to cook up a new batch? I know we have to use the meat in about three or four days before it goes rancid. Should I put anything else in the hamburger, like gravy covered carrots, and peas, or even white rice?
I'm sorry to bombard you with so many questions. I've tried to Google some of these questions, and a bunch of ads for organic dog food came up, and ask.com with no answer to the question.

From what I've described of Eleanor's lump (oddly shaped, one part feels like an extra nipple but harder and it's under her skin. It has gotten bigger since I first noticed it, not the hard little beebee nipple thing, but underneath that it has swollen. It doesn't seem to hurt her when you touch it, but if you it to feel how big it is, how hard it is, and how moveable it is. It is moveable, and it is visable to the naked eye, but its not red or any weird color. The nipple next to it has no discharge. Again she will let you touch it the lump for a few seconds, but then she wiggles herself away from you as fast as can, yet she doesn't cry or yip like it hurts really bad. I think it is a little painful/sensitive to the touch/squeeze.
So from all information I have given what is you best guess or estimate as to if her lump is cancer or just a benign lump, or maybe even a cyst. I'm estimating that I'm about 75% sure it is a cancerous tumor. What I hope is its a big puss filled cyst and if the it is a cyst the vet will lance it in front of us so we can video tape it popping.
Dear God, Please let Eleanor's lump be a puss filled cyst and that's all it is not even a tumor much less cancer. God remember GOD in reverse is DOG.

MMB said...

well, the dog food is sterilized so it wouldn't make a human sick or anything, it just has very little nutritional value, so it's not that great as a main source of calories

I would not give her hamburger too much. the grease will give her diarrhea. if you wanted to try anyway, you could cook it all in one batch and freeze what you don't use in ice cube trays like they do with baby food. then you can pop them out as needed you can give her most fresh fruits and vegetables to snack on (not citrus, grapes, tomatoes, or onion). most dogs won't eat fruits and veggies if they're not brought up on them though. I think it is fine to leave out food all day, but like I said those namebrand ones are all a scam and most of what is in them not a natural part of a dog's diet. there is def. organic soft food out there. I give my chihuahua a brand called Organix. there is also Blue Buffalo, and Ellen Degeneres' brand, "Halo" which is very topnotch but quite pricey. Oh, and fish oil is good for dogs, cats, and humans. I've heard about cheaper versions sitting around too long and getting rancid though.

Since the tumor/cyst is on the belly, it should be very easy to remove, and do not fear caner yet. many many dogs get noncancerous tumors and cysts. My mom's 6 pound maltese had cysts on her breasts when i was a teenager. I used to sit with her belly side up on my lap and squeeze them and all this black puss would drain out. Some of them squirted. Now, this was usually a temperamental dog not fond of affection, but she would lay there and let me do, and I could see the relief in her eyes. Eventually my mom took her to the vet, and they drained an obscene amount of fluid out of the cysts. She was better after that.

Whether is is cysts or tumors, chances are good she will pull through this. it's good sign with the affected area being on the belly area. Hang in there.

Gledwood said...

Breast cancer? Even I thought I had that once but it was one-sided breast tissue growth. If it was both sided it wouldn't be more than some guys have anyway but lopsided it's a bit weird. If I grew a really massive pair of tits I'd get a job down the whorehouse doing tit wanks at £50 a time!

I'm sure you and Elle have a lot of happy years ahead of you...

Hey I put an idea at mine for a book for you. A steamy romance between an upper crust society beauty and a street drug dealer. It could be 50 Shades of Grey on heroin and crack!

I once spent my last £12 ($19.25) on two leather bound 200 page volumes complete with leather ties. They were perfect A5 size, (I don't like A4 diaries) sorry to use European paper sizes but A4 is the standard size for printers, photocopiers and business correspondence etc, far as I know it's a bit longer and narrower than American photocopier paper... A5 is half A4...

O Anna I am so tired I've been hyper all day and droning away loudly to anyone who will listen and smiling and laughing and hyper blah blah blah... how come I want to sleep now when I couldn't manage more than 5 mins at a time last night..??

Take care darling. I love your cigarette and scarlet lipstick pic v Courtney Love...

Actually you do look a bit like Courtney...

Gledwood said...

If I had a female white Akita with really bushy fur (which I really badly want) no way in hell would I get her spayed. I would carefully stake out where and when the biggest, bushiest most beautiful male Akita(s) get walked and be sure to take her there at the right time when she was on heata and BINGO! a free litter of $1000-each bushy-furred puppies!

Maureen said...

Anna, My prayer's are with Elenor & yourself and family. Ozzy is doing better, at 15 years of age, I'm not sure how much longer he will be around! He is my baby & has been since our youngest "left the nest", so to speak! I have reading to catch up on. Anna, since you are in Wisconsin, you are used to the snow & I am not! I will write you soon, when d.h. is sleeping, which I can no longer even nod! Sleep is a joke to me anymore & it sucks not being able to sleep. Remember, my prayer's are always with you & yours.
Blessings
Love,
Maureen

Gledwood said...

Hey you know Puppy-Porkshires go for a thousand dollars each? Well they do over here. At least $650 each I'd say... is that why you never got Eleanor Rigby Spayed??

http://gledwood4.blogspot.co.uk/2012/10/new-television-laughter-mockery.html

have a manic epsidode then look at my flashing smiley face ha har har!

is the doggie OK is the doggie OK come on come on tell us (!!!)

Gledwood said...

ANNA STOP BEING SO FUCKING MISERABLE YOUR PORKIE IS NOT GOING TO DIE COME ON NOW!!

Maureen said...

Anna, I am sure that Elenor will be alright! Ozzy is "still hanging in there, like myself" & Ozzy is 15 years old. Thought I commented yesterday, did you erase my comment?
When we moved here to Nowhere, AZ. ( like Melody Lee says ) Imagine her town is bigger than mine, anyway, Ozzy has had 2 tumors & the vet removed them. Plus up here, the vet is cheaper than the "valley of the sun" Phoenix, AZ. where I counted atleast 20 pages of vets. So, we opted to have his surgery here. The total cost was $200.00 & he did quite allot to Ozzy & remember he is 15 years old, not like Elenor. She will be fine.
My prayers are with you & yours.
We used to raise boxers, they die early, many are inbred.
Take care of you & Elenor
Blessings,
Maureen