Monday, December 9, 2013

Dope, Skagg, Heroin, and the recovery with Methadone maintenancetreatment

I took this photo the last time I slipped up. Since I was preping I got to thinking of my blog and those of you readers who were/are convinced that I never used opiates, or Heroin, and certainly never injected the elixir into my veins. I know no photo will ever make those who just do not belive me suddenly come to the conclusion that I have in fact been addicted to opiates, and have indeed "danced with Mr. Brownstone"  
  
Still I am not in the photo. You don't see me, or my hands and arms, which will give the skeptics more reason to disbelieve that a I am indeed an opiate addict, and have been such, in various stages of recovery since summer of 2006, after my first intervenious inject of a cooked down 8mg Hydromorphone tablet on Dec. 23rd 2005. As an Christmas gift from one of the two brothers who acted as my Hydromorphone /Dilauded & generic 40mg OxyContin/Oxycodone. This is years before OxyContin where rechemistryed <-made up word* to make the pill much more complicated to crush into a powder. Back when all you had to do was suck off the coating, get a dollar bill and lighter apply pressure to the lighter, with a creased bill under it,& the OC inside that bill until no more crunching and the one time hard tablet into a fine enough powder so that once you add 40cc of water to cook to a quick boil until the powder had dissolved and the water was either clear, or a few white specks floating about, add your cotton to the spoon/cooker holding the now liquified Oxycontin, take the syringe you used to add the 40cc of water, and take the needle ah top the syringe. Lightly set the needles tip upon the wet cotton. Being carefull not to let the needle graze the spoon/cooker as it can dull the needle faster makeing the act of puncturing your skin above the vein less smooth and more painfull, and can cause you to miss, and all the liqued is under the skin not in the vein being carried with your blood as it circulates your body with the beating of your heart, wich helps the blood defy gravity and flow from the bottom of your foot to top of your head, feeding oxygen and other chemical hormones natural and man made to all the limbs & organs of your body. Including the brain where if you hit the vein the chemicals in the opiate pill will flood your opiate receptors with dopamine which is Latin for Morphine. (So I've been told) if you needle was dull, or your veins are hard to find, and you miss the vein and the straight shot to the brain. Then you miss out on that 5-10 second wait for the flood of the opiates to reach your brain and give you what some call a "rush", but when I think of rush I think fast, like your first hit off the Crack or the first Cocain injection. With Cocain based drugs your rushing on up, your pupils blow out the size of your entire iris, and your wide awake feeling like best part of an orgasm, but with Crack, and Coke, if you smoke it or shoot it, it only lasts 3-4 minutes at the very most. After that first hit, you can do hit after hit all day and still not feel as good as that first hit. Of course after that rush, you want to feel it again, and again, and again...sure the second hit of Coke/crack feels 99.999% just as good, but the way Cocain works when smoked or shot is a bit like a mouse with an implant in his or her pleasure point of the brain that is connected to a button, and and if the mouse is given access to this button to push as much as it wished, it will keep pushing that button until it dies of hunger or thirst. That mouse won't do anything else that isn't an automatic body function. Crack heads are similar to the mouse with a pleasure button. The crack head may have been up 3 days straight hitting the crack pipe, even after the pleasure gained from each hit is not even close to as amazing that first hit was. When they reach a point where instead of the best feeling for 3 secs they feel just a .000003 of the first hit they start chasing the dragon, which is more a reference to smoking a drug not shooting it. Dragons being a mythical lizard like creature that flys and exhales fire flames, and smoke. In the 1960s a song was written, "Puff the Magic Dragon". I'm not sure of the entire lyrics. )I'll post them at the end.) was said to be about smoking marijuana. I will have to google the origins of the phrase "chasing the dragon" I believe the idea of drugs and chasing the dragon predate the song. For hundereds of years in China and Asia there were Opium Dens, opium is the rawest form of opiates which is produced by poppy flowers I've never smoked raw opium, so I can't attest to its effects. I've read it induces a dream like state, and smoking opium is addictive. Chinese as well as many other East Asian countries have a think about Dragons. I belive if I recall correctly it was a symbol of luck, and during the Chinese New Year back on Oahu, during the New Years parades there in China Town the dragon was the center of the parade. There were Dragon symbols everywhere. On food, on shopping bags, etc... Fuck I'm tired and as per usual I veered off my original topic and was too tired to re read!!

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

why wouldn't anyone believe you? these drugs are so disgusting why would someone claim to have taken them when she hasn't????

Anonymous said...

sry did not mean this in a bad way! i was just shoked by your honesty. and could not understand why anyone would doubt you. you write really well, please keep sharing! i don't know what to say i hope you 'll get better and get out of this!!

Anna Young said...

Good question! I should explain tho, I used blog on a regular basis here, and was on Methadone maintenance treatment, which is a legal way to get the opiate fix a opiate addict needs to just stay well. So everyday I patter my way to the methadone clinic to drink the disgustingly sweet pink methadone in front of a nurse. They give you enough so you don't go sick (start Withdrawaling) and not enough to get high. Also there is a blocking effect w/methadone that at about 80 to 100mgs which blocks the high you get when you shoot dope while at a stable dose at 80mgs and up. Which makes using heroin pretty pointless. As was the shot in the photo. People who don't know much about tolerance and mixing drugs tend to OD. Anyway, the reason people doubt me is from times my life was so boring, and I was on Methadone, but missed my lover heroin, so I'd blog about a relapse *That never really happened*, but after that when I did have a full blown relapse on junk and of course stopped blogging because I pawned my laptop for drug money, and was either hustling up some loot to buy my next fix or I was smoking cigarettes nodding in and out in front of a TV of static on mute, high as high can be while still breathing. So I lost credibility. I understand tho. It was dumb to lie.

Anna Young said...

No offence taken. It is disgusting.

Calamity K said...

Hey Sweetie,

I'd say you don't have to prove shit to anybody. What you do or have done is just that and it isn't all that you are.

Thank God we can get subutex (which is what I'm on, have been on methadone but no more than 60ml, I'm a dragon chaser and by most standards a 'baby addict' but I'm not afraid to admit that, it's not a fucking competition, do what's right for you) and not suboxone here. I'm dead against naltraxone for treatment (it's handy for od) because it also blocks endorphins (your natural opiate). Our brain chemicals are there for a reason. Without endorphins, sex wouldn't be that great, giving birth, winning a race etc. The human race would probably end.

Maureen said...

Yes, we can't forget about the endorphin change, that the "Layman" doesn't even comprehend the word, little alone it's meaning and understanding it as well. Plus the effect of not having "normal endorphins", you catch my drift!
Peace out,
Maureen

Maureen said...

I replied b4 reading that Calamity's post. It does have allot of sense. Our endorphins change your mind/thinking process. Another woman at the group has been on almost as long as I've been. No Dr. Can guarantee they will be normal! Why ruin lives over this. I'll donate my body to science as a MMT patient for over 40 year's by the time I pass. That gives me 12vyears more. Love Maureen

Gledwood said...

All crack ever did was make me crave crave crave more heroin to make me feel better, taking away the jagged jangling para-hyper feeling of the crack... I don't really relate to being up for days on end JUST doing crack... when I did have money to do as much drugs as I wanted for a few weeks I was actually spending more on heroin than crack and only doing about 2g a day in crack, which is nothing compared to major crackhead doses... know what I mean. My brain and body just reject coke, it made me flip out fairly quickly... Heroin on the other hand I could EASILY do £100 a day ($200 at the time) for which money you got 3g (or an eigth cost £90 back in the day) this when average British quality was 40-50% pure. Of course the methadone clinic don't want to believe this, but it means I peaked at over 1000mg diamorphine a day, equivalent to 250mg to 1000mg methadone per day, depending on how liberal they want their calculations to be and they wonder why their shitty methadone never held me properly for YEARS... the 100mg+ doses were nowhere near enough and the fact that it was ORAL methadone was just like a joke to an injecting drug addict. I don't know I'm so depressed I ever got into all that shit. I hope you have a better new year. I'm not expecting a good new year for myself, to be honest but I hope yours is OK take care XXXXXXX