Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Anna's year, 2014. Life, and Dope.

Hi Gledwood & everyone who has been a reader at anytime in my blogging days, and thanks Gleds for the comment. It gave me the kick in the behind I needed to write a new post. FYI: I am writing this post on my phone, tapping out each letter forming words slowly. My brain works faster than my thumbs can tap on a screen, so please forgive the spelling errors, punctuation errors, (I've always been terrible at punctuation. I missed the day they taught punctuation, at least I think I did?!)  
I have to use my phone, because my laptop is in Pawn and has been since early this summer. A 2013 MacBook Air, with MS Word, and tons of expensive apps on it, and it's just sitting in some storage room as I pay $50.00+ USD a month to keep them from selling it. The saddest thing is, I paid like $1,300 for that laptop, and pawned it for a measly $280.00 USD. For me to retrieve my laptop from pawn it would cost about $320.00 USD. 
My problem is every time I have the $320.00 bucks, rather than going to the pawn shop to liberate my laptop with the cash, I end up buying 2.5 grams of dope.
Yes, you read correctly...I am using heroin again.
 I am still on MMT.  I started my taper in late May 2014. I started out tapering 1mg every two weeks , I was at 90mgs. I did the math, and realized I would be tapering for YEARS!! Still I stayed at that pace until July. In July I talked to the Clinic Doctor, and explained to him how I would be tapering longer than I've been on MMT, and it was eating at me. Causing a lot of stress, especially when family and friends ask how much longer until I am done with MMT. The Doctor suggested I go down 2mgs week, and I agreed. I had already gotten down to 81mg by then, and had not suffered even mild withdrawal symptoms. Of course going down 1mg every two weeks, your body has time to adjust before the next drop. At 2mg a week I didn't notice any withdrawal symptoms for the first month, and I hoped and prayed I wouldn't have slow down or stop and stabilize, and I never even entertained the idea of going back up to stabilize, and then start to taper slowly again when I feel ready. Dropping 2mg a week and it felt like I was getting somewhere. In fact I figured out that I would be fully tapped by April 2015!  Suddenly I was at 49mg. One milligram under 50mg. As you may or may not know, between 50mg and 80mg is considered a "blocking dose" which means that the Methadone fills up the brains opiate receptors, and if you were to try to use illicit opiates to get high, it won't happen. At most if you used a large amount to compensate for the methadone tolerance, you would feel just the initial rush, but not the euphoria. Sure you'll probably nod out, but you won't feel high. No glow, not even if you take XANAX or any Benzos. Those opiate receptors are already full with the methadone, you can't cram in more. You'll likely OD before getting high. Most people would need to take a lot of dope to OD, less dope if you are mixing it with other downers.
WARNING: everybody has different body chemistry, different metabolic rates. So what maybe a non lethal dose to one person could be deadly to another. Sure 50-80mg is a common blocking dose. Some people are blocked at 50mg others it takes up to 100mg. The Average is 80mg. When I got down into the lower fifties milligrams arena, I started thinking about testing my tolerance level. At that time I had no idea where to get dope. I wasn't going to bother with pills, unless I found 8mg Dilauded/Hydromorphone tabs. Anyway, I asked around a bit, using a cover story that I was asking about the recent newspaper reports about the cities heroin epidemic, and about the heroin ring bust the police were bragging about having gotten most of the heroin off this cities streets. The newest patients I hit up for info. All I gathered was there was still plenty of heroin in the city. Up until my closet friend whom I met during my 2011 relapse, who ended up getting on Mdone a mont or two after I started back. We had been going to the Methadone clinic and both doing well, she got a job, was working on getting back custody of some of her younger children.  She started dating this 23 year old Native American who had a problem with the "fire water", and she started drinking. She too is half Native American, same tribe, and when she drinks she gets mean, and jealous of anyone who even glances at her manboy. Soon she was coming in the clinic in the morning with black eyes, busted lips, bruises around her neck. When I went to visit her, and her manboy was around, he was always full of scratches. His face, arms, and he once got a smelly infection on his arm where she bit him. It all came to a head when she had her youngest child with her for a visit, and her boyfriend decided he was going out drinking that weekend, and she had to go with or she is sure he's gonna cheat. So they drove up to their Rez, and got drunk with the baby all night. At sunrise on Monday morning she was driving them all back to the city for work that day, and the babies dad was gonna pick up the baby. I didn't know any of the fathers of her kids, and she's had three since I met her. All taken away at birth, except the youngest, she abandoned him at the hospital l. After she gave birth, she snuck out of the hospital. She later told me her reason. She knew they were going to call CPS, because she had at least four different illegal drugs in her blood, plus the baby was born addicted to opiates. She put the name of the man she figured was the father & his phone number on a piece of paper and left it on the pillow of the hospital bed. The dad and his family ended up going in, he paid for a DNA test, and his mother took responsibility for the baby until results came back. Still she never told me who the dad probably was. 
Now that she was on MMT and cleaning up her act, attempting to put her life in order. Visiting her kids, she has 9 children. With this new boyfriend in her life, she started fucking up, and took her 1yr old son out drinking, and driving home at 4:30am, baby in backseat no car seat. Her and the boyfriend were arguing, and she says that he suddenly jerked the wheel as she was driving 65, in a 55 zone, she hit the gravel at the edge of the road, and jerked the wheel to get back on the road, but instead rolled the car 4x. They were in the woods off the road, out of sight. She had a hurt leg, but the baby was fine except for a few scraps, and the guy was okay, but had glass shards in his face, and arms. They decided that they would not call the police right away, and they walked through the woods until finding a house. Her leg was bleeding bad, and she was weak, they knocked on this families door at 6am all tore up with a baby in her arms, both still drunk. They asked to use their bathroom, and if they could wait there for a ride. She had called her sister, but didn't tell her about the accident, just she needs a ride and will call her when she knows where she can pick her up. The family was an older couple living with their adult son. As they were in the bathroom cleaning up, sizing up their injuries the man called the police, and didn't tell them. Soon the police were there, they had found the wreckage already. In the light of day the wreckage was visible. The car was in her boyfriends name, and the police knew this, and when he gave his real name they were caught. Three ambulances were called, my friend lied about her name, and almost got away with it. Until the instigator asked her the last time she had police contact, and said she didn't recall, unlucky for her, her sister was pulled over for a missing head light just two days before. When the hospital released her, it was into police custody for Finger printing to get her name, and her BAC had gone under legal limit by the time they took her blood, but the nailed her for leaving the scene, child endangerment, impending a police investigation, and reckless driving. She was in jail 3 months, she got 120 days with good time, and time see while waiting for sentencing. So it didn't seem like long before she was out. When she got out she went straight back to using heroin. I now had a hook up. Within two weeks I was using every day.
I hadn't bought dope since early April 2012, and I was used to the old prices. For a 1/4g we paid $50.00USD. When my friend first called to ask me to go in on a bag with her, and I told her I didn't have $25.00 to go in on a bag with her. I laid my phone back down thinking that would be the end of it, but to my surprise she texted back, and told me all I need is $10.00 USD, and she had the other $10.00, and that a bag is only $20 dollars now days, but she didn't tell me how much that got you. I decided to help her. She drove to my house and picked me up. In the car I told her that half a $20 bag wouldn't touch my tolerance. She then went on to reassure me it was different since I last bought dope. My friend always knew who to call to find heroin. When we were in MMT she had family still using, but she would not hook me up when I asked when she was still doing good. On the ride across town she told me how much prices had gone down since 2011-2012 when we both stopped using, except for the occasionally set back in April 2012.
I of course had read the local paper, and noticed the local Methadone Clinic had a lot of new patients, so much so they expanded the clinic, hired more councilors and nurses. The news paper had numerous front page articles about a so called "Heroin Epidemic" and how treatment centers are filling with heroin addicts, and that for the first time the cities history there were more heroin addicts filling up treatment centers than alcoholics, and crack/coke addicts combined. The police in one article blamed the heroin problem on the change in the OxyContin chemical make up. Now the pills are indestructible (or so it seems) it is supposedly keeping the OxyContin users from being able crush then for the instant release, and making it to snort and easily cooked up for injection. Also the stricter laws and penalties for Dr. Prescribing opiate meds have been blamed for the heroin problems.
Most recently Heroin made the front page, and top story when what was being called by the local police department, "THE LARGEST HEROIN RING BUST in NE Wisconsin history". The color picture was the mug shot of what the police said was the main supplier to the area, who  they claimed was driving up from Chicago. Next to the mug shot was a stock photo of powder and a inter muscular syringe, and a spoon. The story also claimed they had in custody the supposed supplier in Chicago. I wasn't too convinced these two black men were the highest level drug dealers. Everyone knows the Mexican Cartels are the top dogs, and the Kilos are being brought up to the Midwest USA via some established route that the cartels have paid police mucho de Niro to look the other way. Once the product is in the major cities is when the black people (who are poor, and being kept poor in many ways, and haven't the opportunities most white people have) get the nearly uncut product in maybe 1 Kilo of the 20 kilos brought in on that run, and spread out to different gangs. These gang members who think they can never get out of the ghetto unless they make money through the drug trade. People needing the money to feed families, to give their kids the opportunities they weren't provided, get the larger amounts of heroin, and to make more profit they then put in their cut, and that goes to a lower level dealer who puts his cut in, and on and on until it reaches the smaller cities like mine. Yet according to the police who put out the story, a multi agency and multi-State to state cooperation our city has all the main players in this multi state heroin ring that has been brought down, and all the "bad guys" in custody, along with 14 people arrested for possession, and "with more arrests suspected".  Of course I went online to look at the previous nights arrested mugshots to see if I recognized anyone. I knew I wouldn't know any of the people who dealt in large volumes, but maybe some pushers. To my surprise I didn't recognize any of the alleged dealers or "high level dealers", I knew a few of the people who were charged with possession and buying narcotics, but only recognized them as current and former MMT patients at the clinic. In the paper and on the news it was toted as years of DEA investigations, and criminal informants from the bottom up. The paper and all the local
 news stations were saying they got to the root of the cities heroin problem, and there won't be heroin on the streets for a long time to come.
This was late summer, and after dosing, I went over to my friends to see if she had been arrested, or knew anyone who was.
My friend knows more of the players in the drug game than I do, and she would never introduce me to them. I think this because her parents are/were junkies, and lot of her sisters, cousins, and other family members have been doing heroin since in the 1970's and 1980's when you had to drive to the big cities to get it, and ended up moving to those cities and having their kids down there, and sending up the babies to live with grandparents. She never told me any of this, but being friends so long, getting to know the family, I've deduced how integrated she is in the whole scene. Also she has dated pushers, and had babies with some, I later found out.
When I showed her the article in the paper, and the mugshots on the county's jail website. She recognized the guy they said was the main player supplier from Chicago, and she told me as far as she knew he only dealt in yayo, and crack. Before seeing the paper I had money to buy myself a full gram. Because I was still on Mdone at lower 40s upper 30s milligrams and at that time my dope habit on top created a high tolerance, so even though the heroin is better quality and less expensive than it was in 2011, it's still expensive for me to get high because of damn tolerance. I was doing 1/2g in one fix, and would take 5+ Clonazepam, or any Benzos I could get my hands on about 45 mins. before fixing, so I would get obliterated high, using recklessly on purpose, not trying to kill myself, but always hoping the dope was more pure than I was used too, and that I would OD. I always use alone. I hate using with someone else.
During the summer I had to go through my friend to get dope because I didn't have any phone numbers, and she made sure to keep it that way because for her services she got a free fix. It wasn't until late August that I was just sitting around with one of her babies as she went shopping. As I was babysitting, to my surprise the babies dad comes over, and turns out the dad is the same person who was my supplier in 2011. I had herd rumors that he only took on exclusive clientele and only sold $100.00 gram bags at time, and he didn't put in any extra cut. My friend has 9 kids and she's been pregnant most of our friendship, but she never told me who the fathers were, with one exception, I knew who her oldest child who is 15, her dad was just 14 as was my friend when they had her, and he stuck around to help care for their first child, and she and he are close friends. As for the fathers of the three babies she had since meeting her, I didn't know. I herd different rumours about who's the father of who. I did hear the rumor that our old dealer was the father of the youngest. I herd rumours that this dealer now only dealt with those her chose. I was told everyone wants to be his customer. One of my friends cousins, who had been trying to get her number in his this dealers black book. Since I last saw him, he got his teeth capped, was driving a 2013 Cadillac. Here I am alone with the baby, unsure why he was there at first. I saw his diaper bag, and he called the baby "son", and I realised  I was playing with his son. We said our hellos, and he asked where I'd been so long. I told him about the clinic, then I had to ask about the baby. The hospital story, the car accident, why he is still allowing her to have unsupervised visits. He went on and told me all about the 1 year old baby and when he and my friend hooked up almost 2 years ago. He was obviously coming to pick up the baby. My friend doesn't have custody of any of her 9 kids. The baby daddy and I were  shooting the shit and I told him the rumours I had herd about his exclusive clients. He asked me who I herd it from, and she never said it was a secret, so I told him. He dropped the subject, without confirming or denying the subject. He just changed the subject to what I've been doing, and we herd my friends car pulled up, then he asked for my phone number. Didn't say he was gonna call, but I gave it to him. He told me not to tell anyone what I had herd, and don't tell anyone I gave him my number.
By then I am at 22mg of "Mdone", and had taken a few weeks break from using dope on top of my dose everyday. I'd been using only when my friend needed me to put in on a bag.
The morning after I saw my old dealer, I was laying on the couch before getting ready to go to the clinic, and a number calls that I didn't recognize but the first three numbers are the numbers from track-phones aka burner phones. I decided to pick up even though I usually screen all calls. I answered and it was him, my old hook up, and he confirmed the rumours. He said it would be cool if I wanted to call for dope, then he explains why he works with only certain people. (Those that can afford to spend  $100 once a week) he also made it crystal clear that I was to let no-one, not even my friend the mother of his son know that I had his number. He explained he only hangs out with people he likes as friends, and he's not a "pusher" anymore. Just a guy who helps friends who are reliable. 
From them on we've called each other daily just to talk, I call him just to talk, we go out for lunch, or dinner. I met the rest of his kids, and his girlfriend. He has two places, one he lets his friends visit another no-one knows where it is. He doesn't front, if your $10 or $20 short he'll give you one chance to give you the amount you owe before the 7 days are up, and if you don't you might not have a next time, and if you do you have to have all the money plus the $10-$20 you owe. He doesn't tell me how many people he keeps in his black book, but I don't think it's more than 10. He's always available, and if he's not gonna be, he lets me
know for how long, and who to go to while he's not in.

His junk is NOT JUNK. It's primo. He explained how the market has changed. How to never let your guard down. When he gives directions and you aren't listening, and you have to keep calling him, he'll not answer until he's cooled off, or prepared to get a lecture about how important it is to listen. He is a good person. I hope he gets out of the game, marries his girl, goes legit. He obviously has a knack for business. He could run a business easy. He dies play the stock market, and is always caring the wall street journal.

My phone is going to die. I don't have time to go through an re read, make corrections. I have a photo I'd like to post, but I'll charge my phone first.

Today is Dec. 2nd, 2014