Sunday, July 5, 2015

Life as a non using heroin addict

If he was out, if I wasn't alone, what would it be like? A non using H addict's life, well depression comes over me at times. I have to keep myself busy or I'd probably fall back into using. Can't get away from the drug, no matter how far I've tried to flee its reach, it has found me. So I'm learning to live with it around, and when it comes around get the hell out ASAP and remember that it's only four hours of peace before the beast crawls in and I'm out busting moves to get another 4 hours. Not worth the 10-18 hours of anxiety and hustling for a few hours of peace. I'm more peaceful off the stuff, on a more regular basis than I am using. Now my mind is occupied by other things and people. Love , lust, whatever has crawled back in my life. I'd rather feel the pain of loneliness without him, than the worry of losing him to an OD, or even the drug itself. He's a beautiful guy, and smart. Miss him every second of the day and night. Waiting for him is my prize at the end. Just please God, don't let him go back to boi. Let him be clean, happy, fulfilled. With or without me. Just give him heaven on Earth and I'll take the hell for him. 

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Anna I've been following you recently and read all by your posts. I'm glad to see you back on here I'm a fellow h addict and go back and forth from h to subs since I was nineteen.I'm now 26 still broke livin at home and work to pay rent and relapse constantly I'm proud of u n I love ugirl u r an inspiration I'm Lauren u can always email me at Lnicolosi89@gmail.com peace n love u r strong n u aren't alone always know that

Gravediggin' Under the Mancy Way said...

Hey Anna, great to see you posting again. I only have a few minutes as I'm in the library so will comment properly later.

Love Vee x

Gravediggin' Under the Mancy Way said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gravediggin' Under the Mancy Way said...

Hey again Anna,
Don't know why I bothered deleting my last post but it was a duplicate so...
Yeah, it's good to hear you feeling happier. You're looking great too.
With me, it was always some obsession- before heroin it was music. Before music it was writing. It still is. At least we have a constant in this world. After rehab it was the violent creep I married- conveniently brushed the bad parts under the proverbial and opened my legs. Then came the depression. And the wake up.
Treat her well, Mr. (He had better)
You deserve something beautiful in your life.
Much love (again),
Vee X